Divided Puns

Velociraptor.

Pumpkin Pi

is a duplex with angry neighbors.

Red Sea /2 = .5

That’s Cole’s Law.

I responded, "that is a prime example."

A Prime Directive

...the bugs are all in sects.

when almost all the states are connected like a big jigsaw puzzle.

It's pointless.

Now that’s just mean.

Intersections

Edit: for non-native speakers, roundabout is a traffic circle.

They really halve their shit together

But the lady behind the till keeps putting it back

Because the autobots had Optimus Prime

Sadly, only a fraction of people will get this joke

But I will make one if I halve two.

You add the bed, subtract the clothes, divide the legs and pray you don't multiply.

Since 53 states is a prime number

But sum are

The result was divided.

You're welcome

Where there’s a will, there’s a whey.

They say it's a better way to get a tan.

But it's what's inside that counts

...right in front of a house where there’s a huge party going on. He walks in and notices that the party is somewhat divided. There’s a clear distinction between the people waiting for the bathroom and the people queued up for drinks, etc.

Considering the urgency of the bathroom queue, he walks over to the drinks table and asks everyone there if they wouldn’t mind helping him push his car to get it started. They agree but even with the full might of several people, the car doesn’t budge. He thanks them for trying and they all head back inside.

A little while later, the doorbell rings. The man sees the host open the door to the largest pizza guy he’s ever seen. The behemoth is holding 15 pizzas with one hand, a pallet of buffalo wings with the other, with a keg strapped to each shoulder. The man jumps up and asks the pizza guy for his help pushing the car. He agrees and they head to the street.

With barely one touch of a pinky on one hand, the car lurches forward and starts right up. The man drives off, waving behind him and yelling a quick, “Thank you.”

As he catches sight of the party fading into the distance, he says to himself...

“Thank goodness for the delivery because that punch line sure is weak.”

Only a fraction of you will understand that

Edit: I see this joke has been quite divisive! Thank you to everyone who made this joke a thousand times better in the comments, you're all amazing, and thank you for the awards!

She must be in-Seine!

The Prince of the vultures had always been a rebel, but he surprised everyone when he announced he was going to be a vegetarian. And nobody expected this to divide the vulture kingdom, with nearly half the vultures supporting the Prince's choice. Tempers flared, and civil war was brewing when the Prince burst into the King's chambers.

"Father," he cried, "I never meant to cause this. I'll do anything you say to reunite the kingdom. Please, Father, what should I eat?"

The King set a plate of roadkill in front of the Prince, and said "Carrion, my wayward son. There'll be peace when you are done."

Because he had a lot of problems.

You parrot.

Ended up with pumpkin pi.

Pumpkin Pi

Pumpkin Pi

Pumpkin pi

Pumpkin pi

…the lady behind the counter keeps putting it back.

Pumpkin Pi...

Pumpkin π

Pumpkin pi

Pumpkin Pi

Pumpkin π