I said to the gym instructor โCan you teach me to do the splits?โ
He said โHow flexible are you?โ I said โI canโt make Tuesdaysโ
๐︎ 16
๐
︎ Apr 27 2021
My buddy and I used to be Marijuana dealers and we always split our profits evenly between us.
๐︎ 142
๐
︎ Feb 07 2021
Piglet, Tigger, and Eeyore have all split ways with Winnie the Pooh.
They just couldn't bear him anymore.
๐︎ 6
๐
︎ Mar 09 2021
"I Have A Split Personality"
๐︎ 5
๐
︎ Mar 16 2021
How was Rome split in two?
๐︎ 447
๐
︎ Dec 04 2020
Where would you learn to make banana split?
๐︎ 25
๐
︎ Feb 21 2021
My wife said, "You act like a detective too much, I want to split up."
"Good idea!" I replied. "We can cover more ground that way!"
๐︎ 11k
๐
︎ May 31 2020
I like the simplicity of split firewood.
๐︎ 53
๐
︎ Dec 02 2020
I went to my local Gym to learn to do the splits...
Gym instructor said: 'How flexible are you?'
Me: 'I can't make Tuesdays'
๐︎ 14
๐
︎ Jan 27 2021
How do you split the ocean in half?
๐︎ 340
๐
︎ Sep 21 2020
How did the Roman Empire get split in two?
๐︎ 21
๐
︎ Jan 15 2021
Batteries have split personalities
On the one side, they are positive, while on the other, they are negative
๐︎ 8
๐
︎ Dec 26 2020
"The Epic Split" featuring Jean Claude Van Damme
๐︎ 37
๐
︎ Sep 07 2020
Mom said split the chores, well. . .
๐︎ 5
๐
︎ Oct 06 2020
My friend to said to me "there's no situation where a contraction makes sense but its split from doesnt"
๐︎ 5
๐
︎ Nov 05 2020
What do you call it when people in Russia are split up?
๐︎ 2
๐
︎ Oct 21 2020
An Amoeba predicted that it would successfully split itself in two.
It was a cell fulfilling prophecy
๐︎ 6
๐
︎ Aug 20 2020
I wood split it too
๐︎ 103
๐
︎ Aug 29 2019
Who split the Red Sea using diffusion?
๐︎ 60
๐
︎ Nov 27 2019
Lickity split
๐︎ 7
๐
︎ Dec 18 2019
Why did the biology teacher and the physics teacher split up?
๐︎ 11
๐
︎ Mar 04 2020
The first guy that figured out how to split an atom,
mustโve been blown away
๐︎ 21
๐
︎ Dec 16 2019
They were split apart
๐︎ 8
๐
︎ Oct 17 2019
My wife and I have split up over my obsession with horoscopes..
In the end it Taurus apart.
๐︎ 287
๐
︎ Jun 21 2018
Did you hear about the skyscraper that split in half?
The engineers say the contractors didn't build it to specifications. The contractors say the engineers didn't design it right.
All I know is that there are 2 sides to every story.
๐︎ 15
๐
︎ Nov 18 2019
"Do you want to split an apple with me?"
I asked.
Fiancรฉ answers, "Sure, do you want to eat it too?"
๐คฆโโ๏ธ
๐︎ 3
๐
︎ Dec 31 2019
What do you call it when a tornado splits into two?
๐︎ 15
๐
︎ Jul 06 2019
At amusement parks, when the line splits, we never pick the right line.
๐︎ 2
๐
︎ Dec 26 2019
Volemort splits his soul and puts part of it into a prostitute
Now he has a new whorecrux
๐︎ 3
๐
︎ Dec 02 2019
Ending segregation was a split decision.
๐︎ 5
๐
︎ Oct 30 2019
Split a steak with a friend the other night after having an argument.
He ended up still having a beef with me
๐︎ 3
๐
︎ Sep 21 2019
It's grammatically incorrect to actually use a split infinitive
๐︎ 3
๐
︎ Oct 12 2019
What did the cell say when its foot split in two?
๐︎ 6
๐
︎ Feb 20 2019
I asked the gym instructor if he could teach me how to do the splits. He said โhow flexible are you?โ
I said โI canโt make Tuesdaysโ
๐︎ 13
๐
︎ Apr 02 2021
So I said to the Gym instructor "Can you teach me to do the splits?"
He said "How flexible are you?". I said "I can't make Tuesdays".
๐︎ 33
๐
︎ Jan 13 2021
"I have a split personality," said Tom, being frank.
๐︎ 9k
๐
︎ Nov 03 2019
Where do you learn to make banana splits?
๐︎ 9
๐
︎ Sep 22 2020
How was Rome split in two?
๐︎ 14
๐
︎ Jul 03 2020
"I have a split personality disorder"
๐︎ 2
๐
︎ Jul 27 2020
How do you split the ocean in half?
๐︎ 399
๐
︎ May 17 2019
โI have a split personality,โ said Tom, being Frank.
๐︎ 9
๐
︎ Mar 23 2020
I have a split personality
๐︎ 8
๐
︎ Oct 18 2019
How was Rome split in two?
๐︎ 111
๐
︎ Jul 09 2019
My wife said that I act like a detective too much and that she wants to split up.
I told her good idea, we can cover more ground that way.
๐︎ 30
๐
︎ Feb 25 2019
Where do you learn to make banana splits?
๐︎ 20
๐
︎ Nov 10 2019
I asked my gym instructor if he could teach me to do the splits. He said how flexible are you? I said I canโt do Fridays.
๐︎ 17
๐
︎ Sep 07 2019
How was Rome split in two?
๐︎ 9
๐
︎ Mar 14 2019
"I have a split personality"
๐︎ 7
๐
︎ Nov 04 2019
Where do you learn to make banana splits?
๐︎ 5
๐
︎ Nov 02 2019
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