Kingdom Hearts 3DM
It was about the man in Texas who stole steaks from Walmart, then led police in a car chase and began throwing the steaks out the window. Dad made us all watch the entire segment just so he could tell us, "Looks like it was a steak-out!"
Dad: [Comments on something pointless]
Me: No one cares, dad.
Dad: I care.
Me: No one else does.
The cops get really pissed off if you call them and just repeat the news segment.
Sorry about being a little out of touch the past couple of months. My business partner bailed on me in January and I'm in the process of forming a new corporation with a couple of investors, hiring a new bookkeeper (my expartner's wife used to do that), arranging a storage facility, moving offices and re-organizing staff. It has been hectic.
Part of my business model is consulting. I recently had an experience that proves the value of consulting & demonstrates how consultants can make a difference in an organization. I was very impressed. I think this is a segment that I can develop with financial help.
Last week, I went out with some friends to a new restaurant (Steve's Bistro & Provisional Ales). I noticed that the waiter who took our order carried a spoon in his shirt pocket. It seemed a little strange. When the busboy brought our water and utensils, I noticed that he also had a spoon in his shirt pocket. Then I looked around and saw that all the staff had spoons in t... keep reading on reddit ➡
Heard this one on the radio during the Sunday Puzzle segment on NPR's Weekend America yesterday. A grandfatherly contestant on the program (named Gérard) asked this riddle of NYTimes puzzlemaster and Yale enigmatologist Will Shortz:
"Two cats are competing to see who would win in a race swimming across the English Channel. The cats' names are One-Two-Three Cat and Un-Deux-Trois Cat. Who won?"
Shortz was stumped. The contestant answered the riddle saying:
"The English cat, One-Two-Three Cat won because Un-Deux-Trois-Quatre-Cinq."
Mom and dad were watching a segment on the morning news about memory pills. Dad says, "I read something about those things, but I don't remember what it was."
Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.
Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":
We have a 10 minute safety/health segment before each meeting, and one of the suggestions in the presentation was to reduce alcohol intake.
My boss, about a colleague who loves his drink but recently had liver issues -
"Yeah, Dave doesn't drink anymore...he just doesn't drink any less." WINK
So we were watching the discovery channel and a short segment on whales comes on. During the ad break I yawn really loudly and explain that I'm just making whale noises. It's at this moment that my dad says "well you're doing very whale then!"
God dammit dad
Me: I hate lines! Dad: So you like triangles, squares, and rectangle? Me: dad stop Dad: well technically it's a line segment, a line would go on forever. Me: Dad stop talking
Today Show has a segment where they makeover rooms in people's houses.
Some guy tweeted at them that they need to makeover his dad's basement.
They interview the dad and his son this morning before they makeover the room.
Interview: So, Michael, what do you think about your son tweeting for help?
Dad: Well, I think he's a real tweetheart.
Got dad-joked by the old man during Geometry finals studying: Dad: Whats an apothem? Me:a line segment of a regular polygon from the center to the midpoint of one of its sides. Dad:Oh, I thought it was something you hit on the roadgrins