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πŸ‘€︎ u/stax3745
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03 2020
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Why did the ant name its middle segment "Stormbreaker"? reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Danielaurence
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
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I guess we can call the music in a segment of a popular Square Enix game...

Kingdom Hearts 3DM

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Clapton_Coil
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2019
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Why did the ant name its middle segment "Stormbreaker"? reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Danielaurence
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2019
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My favorite segment from the Canadian Show "Red Green" imgur.com/us3t507
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2015
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Dad made us all come in and watch a news segment

It was about the man in Texas who stole steaks from Walmart, then led police in a car chase and began throwing the steaks out the window. Dad made us all watch the entire segment just so he could tell us, "Looks like it was a steak-out!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sponch426
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2016
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circles

An ant named seg is trying to reach its anthill

A girl tries to irritate it by putting a glass over it. secant she how tangent is getting. i guess it will diameter before it reaches its anthill. it would be pretty sad for its family though, as segment a lot to them. We could just say, it couldn't escape it's circle of life. well, after his untimely death, his family has arranged a funeral for him and chordiallly invited all its relatives.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tikkarice
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06
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Why dont eagles and eels breed?

Because its eeleagle.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/BlobbyChong
πŸ“…︎ Apr 16 2020
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The O.Henry Pun-Off is back β€œON!” - Tongues of puns linger
  • Like all cherished things in this covid-crazy world, the O.Henry Museum’s famous free, family friendly celebration of the wit-in-word will take place virtually in cyberspace this year. With an awesome live cast of lively wits and tortured tongues, the online audience will be treated to all the linguistic twists, dramatic turns, and surprise endings they’ve groan to love. Expect to witness wacky word butchers and voracious verbivores from around the globe, all worming their way into your ears. Tongues of tradition, tension and camaraderie make this the premier event for the world's competitive wordplay community
  • Brought to you this year by the City of Austin, Brush Square Museums Foundation, and co- sponsored by Austin's very own Fantastic Magic Camp, as well as the internationally renowned podcast, Pun Intensive, The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition will commence Saturday, November 21, 2020
  • Preliminary live rounds begin Saturday, November 21, 2020, at 11:00am CST, lasting about 2 hours. Later that evening, live competition resumes at 7:00pm CST with head-to-head prime time heats. - See Pun-Off.com for schedule details, links, and more.

[Austin, TX, November 1, 2020] - Although traditionally held outdoors on a single day in the spring, the first portion 2020 the O. Henry Museum Pun-Off competition known as Punniest of Show was conducted via video in October. Now on Saturday, November 21, 2020, PARD will bring you their most popular second segment, O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships Punslingers Competition: Online Edition

This free, fun, and family friendly event will take place online this year, but with special twists, turns, and surprise modifications to make it the perfect 2020 event for the world's competitive wordplay community.

The O. Henry Museum Pun-Off World Championships have been an Austin institution for 43 years. As usual, the contest will feature a cavalcade of word-class wordsmiths from across the globe, all worming their way into your art. Join and enjoy us as they compete to spontaneously spit out the most absurd words you’ve ever heard.

The event will be live streamed at PunIntensive.com.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bpcombs
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2020
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My family's on vacation in the US, and my dad keeps making the same joke whenever possible.

Dad: [Comments on something pointless]

Me: No one cares, dad.

Dad: I care.

Me: No one else does.

Dad: Obamacare.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/SuperBlahXD
πŸ“…︎ Aug 18 2014
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Lesson learned today: When the newscaster says, β€œIf you know anything about this crime, please contact the police...”

The cops get really pissed off if you call them and just repeat the news segment.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2018
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French dadjoke that stumped Will Shortz on NPR

Heard this one on the radio during the Sunday Puzzle segment on NPR's Weekend America yesterday. A grandfatherly contestant on the program (named GΓ©rard) asked this riddle of NYTimes puzzlemaster and Yale enigmatologist Will Shortz:

"Two cats are competing to see who would win in a race swimming across the English Channel. The cats' names are One-Two-Three Cat and Un-Deux-Trois Cat. Who won?"

Shortz was stumped. The contestant answered the riddle saying:

"The English cat, One-Two-Three Cat won because Un-Deux-Trois-Quatre-Cinq."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bachrock37
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2014
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She just rolled her eyes.

Mom and dad were watching a segment on the morning news about memory pills. Dad says, "I read something about those things, but I don't remember what it was."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lautzy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2013
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The hidden puns of LexisNexis

Years ago I used to use a LexisNexis database of companies that would give corporate information like name, address, and general business description. While most of them were pretty bland, there were a bunch of them with some really cheesy puns, and over a few years I built quite a collection.

Today I share with you "NEXIS IS RIDICULOUS.txt":

  • Bucyrus International caters to those who mine their own business.
  • It would be logical for Mr. Spock to boldly go to Vulcan International for rubber products. He might even live long and prosper -- in comfortable shoes.
  • What do manufacturer Electro-Motive Diesel (EMD) and 1970s band Grand Funk Railroad have in common? They both want you to do the locomotion!
  • Peter Piper can pick more than a peck of peppers or pickles from B&G Foods.
  • Toray Plastics America could sing "foam, foam on the range, where the polyester and polypropylene materials are made" all day.
  • Break out the Tums, because things are awfully gassy over at Air Liquide America.
  • If a tree falls in a Weyerhaeuser forest, someone is there to hear it -- and he has a chainsaw.
  • Although not a pushover, you can walk all over Wilsonart International.
  • Here's a HEICO haiku: HEICO companies/ Providing for jet engines/ In flight or on land.
  • American Italian Pasta Company (AIPC) uses its noodle in many different ways.
  • The golf industry doesn't mind when Aldila gives it the shaft.
  • Rat-a-tat-tat and a ringa-ding-ding. What's that? Answer: The sounds emanating from Pearl, one of the world's foremost makers of drums and other percussion and musical instruments.
  • Saint-Gobain Ceramics & Plastics deals powders and crystal, but there's no need to call the cops.
  • Pamida Stores Operating Company offers more small-town values than a bandwagon of Republicans on the campaign trail.
  • Like a tight end, offshore drilling contractor Transocean dreams of going deep but doesn't mind eating a little mud.
  • Rittal me this, Batman!
  • Utility Trailer Manufacturing is spreading its own brand of reefer madness.
  • Who is the Fresh Prince of Sullair?
  • If GrafTech International were a bard, it could wax poetic in an ode to the electrode.
  • When it comes to adhesives and vibration control products, LORD knows.
  • You might say that Deere & Company enjoys its customers going to seed.
  • Pfizer pfabricates pfarmaceuticals pfor quite a pfew inpfirmities.
  • Stripping is OK at Spraylat.
  • Don't think Seton is
... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2016
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My boss dropped this one at our team meeting.

We have a 10 minute safety/health segment before each meeting, and one of the suggestions in the presentation was to reduce alcohol intake.

My boss, about a colleague who loves his drink but recently had liver issues -

"Yeah, Dave doesn't drink anymore...he just doesn't drink any less." WINK

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Haskens
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2015
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Discovery channel dad joke

So we were watching the discovery channel and a short segment on whales comes on. During the ad break I yawn really loudly and explain that I'm just making whale noises. It's at this moment that my dad says "well you're doing very whale then!"

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God dammit dad

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boomerangblom
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23 2014
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Dad Joke on the Today Show

Today Show has a segment where they makeover rooms in people's houses.

Some guy tweeted at them that they need to makeover his dad's basement.

They interview the dad and his son this morning before they makeover the room.

Interview: So, Michael, what do you think about your son tweeting for help?

Dad: Well, I think he's a real tweetheart.

crickets

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πŸ‘€︎ u/flamepants
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2015
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Apothems

Got dad-joked by the old man during Geometry finals studying: Dad: Whats an apothem? Me:a line segment of a regular polygon from the center to the midpoint of one of its sides. Dad:Oh, I thought it was something you hit on the roadgrins

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πŸ“…︎ May 23 2014
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