My sister, the biologist, was studying cell division when she dropped her microscope on my toe.

Mitosis!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mkrjoe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2020
🚨︎ report
Apparently every police department has a food division

However, they only take cases involving a salt and buttery.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kriskidd21
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2020
🚨︎ report
I used to work in a small infantry division that lost its heavy artillery budget...

...It really was a tankless job.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FIROEDA
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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What weight division would Heisenberg be in if he were a boxer?

Welter Weight

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Razerdeg
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
🚨︎ report
What is the elite division of space force called?

Spatial ops

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Colonel_Soldier
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the CEO say when announcing layoffs at the Southeast Asian division?

"Imma firin Malaysia!"

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/civver3
πŸ“…︎ Mar 27 2020
🚨︎ report
β€ͺI was studying cellular division when my sibling stepped on my foot

Mitosis!

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/allanon101
πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Two cells were talking about cell division.

Cell A: I don't know what it does.

Cell B: That makes two of us.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Valph_V_Valdymort
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
🚨︎ report
A friend and I were both struggling with division problems. Then we consulted one another and were soon finished.

We concurred and divided.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What followed the great war between multiplication and division?

The Aftermath

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/calvincondorus
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
🚨︎ report
There’s a fine line between a division sign and a addition sign
πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SnortingLed
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Danny Brown's latest album was titled Atrocity Exhibition, after a Joy Division song.

The Joy Division song was in turn named after a novel by J. G. Ballard. This makes 'The Atrocity Exhibition' the book the song the album is named after is named after.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedKoiBlueKoi
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2017
🚨︎ report
There was a lot of division in 2016, so I'm looking forward to 2017. It's going to be prime.
πŸ‘︎ 37
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mak11
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2017
🚨︎ report
If I had 50 cents for every maths Exam I failed

I’d have $8.40.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EmBeeCSGO
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
We’re remodeling our home’s exterior and my wife is being prying/divisive regarding who I’m hiring to do the job.

She really wants to know who I’m siding with

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/daddymcdadjokes
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Told my daughter to wear glasses during math.

It improves division

πŸ‘︎ 198
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FlintTheDad
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
You know what’s really odd?

Numbers not divisible by 2.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/zRage4
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2020
🚨︎ report
There's a fine line between a numerator and a denominator

Only a fraction of you will understand that

Edit: I see this joke has been quite divisive! Thank you to everyone who made this joke a thousand times better in the comments, you're all amazing, and thank you for the awards!

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PhoenixFlamebird
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2020
🚨︎ report
πŸ˜‚
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/GrinchZaddy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What mathematical operation do the French despise?
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/octalgon
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't understand why some people use fractions instead of decimals.

It's pointless.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Oct 04 2019
🚨︎ report
What kind of math do you do with a sword

Long division

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-LoFo-
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Can't even what..? Finish the sentence...!!
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Deb_Eternity
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I always sucked at math but that’s why I love biology.

It’s the only field where multiplication and division mean the same thing.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarcasticpremed
πŸ“…︎ Sep 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Is infinity odd or even?

Oddly enough, it's even. But even so, it's still an odd concept.

πŸ‘︎ 10k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Integer puns
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nebraskasurplus
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2018
🚨︎ report
50 shades of grey
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrDoge64
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I want to Express my daughter's age as a fraction 6/12, 9/12, 16/12 etc.. my wife is really upset about it.

In our house It's really causing some division

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lornstar7
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
🚨︎ report
There is a fine line between a numerator and a denominator

only a fraction of people will get this joke

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Talcabus
πŸ“…︎ Jan 04 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the mother who gave birth to her baby while she was in the sky?

I guess you can say the baby was airborne

Edit: Sorry if the joke is terrible, I just made it up.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wise_Guy_Plato
πŸ“…︎ Nov 26 2017
🚨︎ report
I dare you to read this

What tree do you wipe your hands on? A palm tree!

I heard a scary math joke, but I’m 2^^2 to tell it!

Have you heard of that new movie, β€œConstipation”? Well it doesn’t matter, it never came out.

I hurt myself when I went to a theme park in florida. When I went to the doctor, he started wrapping up my left leg, but then I pointed at my right and said β€œNo, doc, it’s dis knee.”

Last night I got mugged by 6 dwarves. Not Happy.

When Queen Elizabeth farts, everyone in the room must pretend like nothing happened. Noble Gasses don’t cause reactions, after all.

What’s the difference between a seal and a sea lion? One electron.

What happens to nitrogen when the sun rises? It becomes Daytrogen!

I called the animal shelter today and said "I've found six kittens in a suitcase in the woods." They said "Are they moving?" I replied "I don't know, but that would explain the suitcase."

Why can’t you trust Atoms? Because they make up everything!

Why do nerds wear glasses? It helps with division.

Why should you tiptoe past the medicine cabinet? You don’t wanna wake the sleeping pills.

What twitches and is found at the bottom of the ocean? A nervous wreck!

What do you call a fat psychic? A four chin teller!

What do you call a 3 foot tall psychic on the run from the law? A small medium at large!

Help, I can’t stop reading books with female protagonists! I’m a heroine addict!

How did Sparticus react when he ate his wife for dinner? He was gladiator!

When does a joke become a dad joke? When the punchline becomes apparent!

19 and 20 got into a fight… 21.

My friend told me, β€œPeople who sell meat are disgusting!” So I said, β€œYeah, well people who sell fruits and vegetables are grocer!”

How can turtles take photos of themselves? Shell-fie sticks!

What do you call a secret agent molecule? Bond… ionic bond. β€œTaken, not shared.” What did the dinosaur say to the other dinosaur? (Cut this part, but make a screeching noise)

How much does Santa’s sleigh cost? $0, it’s on the house.

If America switched from pounds to kilograms overnight there would be mass confusion.

I had a splinter once; it eventually got out of hand.

I’m going to go stand outside. If anyone asks, I’m outstanding.

Most people are shocked to find out how terrible an electrician I am!

What do mermaids wash their fins with? Tide What’s the coolest place to use the bathroom? The Lil Jon

Did you know that on average, people want three covers on their bed at all times? But that’s just a blanket statem

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kinjago
πŸ“…︎ Nov 27 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you do if a maths puzzle infringes on your civil liberties?

Sue-doku.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KCL80
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2020
🚨︎ report
I was told to stop talking about cellular mitosis.

It’s a divisive topic.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Konamicoder
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife was hanging 7 pictures in a row on the wall when I told her should should hang 3 over 4.

It’s created a real division in our home.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nftpc
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I don't know about you guys, but 2019 seems like an odd year.
πŸ‘︎ 35
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πŸ‘€︎ u/reddof
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Indivisible (X-post MURICA)
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Boba_Feta
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2013
🚨︎ report
You know what's really odd?

Numbers not divisible by two

πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FelixDeCat1969
πŸ“…︎ Jan 20 2017
🚨︎ report
You know what's really odd?

Numbers not divisible by 2.

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mch2867
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you call a miniature Yoda?

A Toyota.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nstuchlik
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2018
🚨︎ report
Got my wife over dinner

My wife and I were having a late dinner after we put my son to bed. She asked me, "Do you know what all prime rib really is?" I replied "A rib divisible only by itself and one?" The eye roll was audible.

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FattieMcFatPants
πŸ“…︎ Sep 17 2018
🚨︎ report
You know what’s really odd?

Numbers not divisible by 2.

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/techsavior
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2020
🚨︎ report
What kind of math do you do with a sword?

Long division.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bentnotbroken96
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2019
🚨︎ report
You know what is really odd?

Numbers not divisible by 2

πŸ‘︎ 81
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ICEBAC0N
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2018
🚨︎ report

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