When a department store santa loses his job does he get the sack?

Do human cannonballs get fired?

Do pirates get told to sling their hook's?

Do prostitutes get laid off?

Do trapeze artists get let go?

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 28
🚨︎ report
The police department made all homicide detectives stay under quarantine for two weeks.

>!They had coroner-virus.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RealTheAsh
πŸ“…︎ Mar 13
🚨︎ report
Blind guy walks into a department store and starts swinging his guide dog in circles over his head.

A shop keeper asks him what he is doing and he replies "Taking a look around."

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Boop108
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25
🚨︎ report
The toilet from the local police department was stolen last night.

The cops having nothing to go on.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shopcounterwill
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24
🚨︎ report
What’s the worst part of working for the department of unemployment?

When you get fired, you still have to show up the next day.

πŸ‘︎ 218
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zero_ben
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2019
🚨︎ report
A status report from the department of justice
πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mehssie
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2019
🚨︎ report
The math department at my former high school decided to dress as dominoes for Halloween
πŸ‘︎ 95
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Alt_Plus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2019
🚨︎ report
I was accused of taking soap making ingredients from the department store...

They're all lyes!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 16
🚨︎ report
There was a survey in the cosmetics department...

...they were asking people to write a couple of their favorite smells on a scrap of paper and put it in a box.

I didn't really have a strong opinion, but I did put my two scents in.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hero_of_Thyme81
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05
🚨︎ report
What department do Optical Technicians work for?

Eye-T

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/maximusheadroom
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that BeyoncΓ© bought a department store?

It’s called Jay-Z Penny

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kingofthediamond
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2019
🚨︎ report
The IT department is like a bra...

IT supports your most important assets.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nimja_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 24 2019
🚨︎ report
If I ran a large department store, I would publish a huge catalogue of Christmas products and call it the "All I want for Christmas" issue.

And put Mariah Carey on the cover

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Iplaymeinreallife
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you know the US Mint is the richest Department in the US?

They make a lot of money.

πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/4llFather
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2019
🚨︎ report
It was a sunny day out on the lake. I'd forgotten my cap. Luckily, I had a flyer from the local department store. I folded it into a hat with a shade for my eyes, thus making it easier to guide the boat without crashing it.

It made a good ad visor.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Walking past the maternity department at Target, I said to my wife...

"It's great that they have clothes for both expecting parents"

https://i.imgur.com/n9YPBrD.jpg

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/orthogonius
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2019
🚨︎ report
At the casino, what department did the vampire work in?

The Count Room

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/warpedddd
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
🚨︎ report
The Geology Department at my school rocks
πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainRipp
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
🚨︎ report
My cousin got a job at the police department sketching pictures of suspects.

Apparently he’s a con artist.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13 2019
🚨︎ report
I was heading to the department store to pick up some gardening supplies and my wife asked me to pick up one of those tangle free hoses.

I guess she isn’t into the kinky stuff.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cheapojoe
πŸ“…︎ Jun 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear what happened to that Department of Defense employee?

He's pentagone

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/graafslaaf
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I couldn’t believe the highway department called my dad a thief.

But when I got home, all the signs were there.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the farmer who won an award from the U.S. Department of Agriculture?

He was outstanding in his field.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DoctorScherzando
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
🚨︎ report
Walking through IKEA's lighting department...

My Stepdaughter says: "This place is lit!"

So proud.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/level32
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
🚨︎ report
My French roommate doesn't know anything about the department store John Lewis

She's most likely used to Jean Louis

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/felixsaurus
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Battery department?
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/acadiel
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
🚨︎ report
My first date with an Emergency department nurse was...

A casual tea

πŸ‘︎ 45
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/johnnydarko-
πŸ“…︎ Oct 15 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call a Slavic governments accounting department?

Czechs and balances.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/antropologo_2
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2018
🚨︎ report
A Mexican man who spoke no English went into a department store to buy socks.

He found his way to the menswear department where a young lady offered to help him.

"Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"I don't speak Spanish, but we have some very nice suits over here," said the salesgirl.

"No, no quiero trajes. Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"Well, these shirts are on sale this week," declared the salesgirl.

"No, no quiero camisas. Quiero calcetines," repeated the man.

"I still don't know what you're trying to say. We have some fine pants on this rack," offered the salesgirl.

"No, no quiero pantalones. Quiero calcetines," insisted the man.

"These sweaters are top quality," the salesgirl probed.

"No, no quiero sueter. Quiero calcetines," said the man.

"Our undershirts are over here," fumbled the salesgirl, beginning to lose patience.

"No, no quiero camisetas. Quiero calcetines," the man repeated.

As they passed the underwear counter, the man spotted a display of socks and happily grabbed a pair. Holding them up he proclaimed, "Eso sΓ­ que es!"

"Why did

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Alec935
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2018
🚨︎ report
Pun Request: Facilities Department needs a team name for an office wide Bubble Hockey Team

Any ideas on bringing Office Management and Hockey Terms together for a good team name?

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NoJohnTrumbal
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2018
🚨︎ report
I work in the appliance department at a large retailer and we were working on a truck delivery.

On one of our pallettes was a 12" sub that was meant for the car electronics department.

I look to my co-workers and say "Maybe we should refrigerate it.".

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2019
🚨︎ report
There's a department of United Nations which tries to improve the quality of food in restaurants.

UNEEDCHEF

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17 2019
🚨︎ report
What is the favorite sauce in a shipping department for a calendar company?

Hollandaise Sauce!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2018
🚨︎ report
So I Went To A Department Store To Find A Screwdriver

I asked the guy working there where I could find one. The guy working there then called someone. Moments later a driver who seemed as if he had a screw loose showed up. The guy, "You wanted a screwdriver right? Here you go."

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FearlessTheFallen
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Department Head in my office: The new printer is making funny noises.

Me (Tech Support): Did you laugh?

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LimpN
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you contact the fire department?

call the hotline.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2018
🚨︎ report
I phoned up the place where I'd applied for a job at. I said, "I'm looking for Jane Wilkinson. The manager of the department."

She said, "Speaking...?"

I said, "English."

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Why does the Gotham Police Department refuse to eat another Greek sandwich?

Because it's the gyro Gotham deserves, but not the one it needs right now.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ThanHowWhy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 15 2016
🚨︎ report
Finance Department

Me on the phone talking to insurance company: "finance department helped us"

Son [6] after phone call: "daddy what's the finance department?"

Me: "they helped us with money to buy the car"

Ridley "oh I thought they go find ants"

... I've been out done by a six year old...

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/numberfourdad
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2018
🚨︎ report
My local deli must have a Dad in their marketing department

The grocery bags they have say: "We like to get carried away with food."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/F-Major-7
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2017
🚨︎ report
Two students walk into a chemistry department lunch. One student orders H20. The other says, "I'll have H2O, too." The second student dies.
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2017
🚨︎ report
After seeing my girlfriend in the shoe department...

"So, this is where you do your sole searching."

πŸ‘︎ 428
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Harasoluka
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2015
🚨︎ report
What do you call two police departments working together to take down a marijuana distributor?

A joint operation.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Replies_To_All
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Why does it cost $1 to use the urinal at the Department of Homeland Security?

If you pee something, pay something.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fubo
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2017
🚨︎ report
Department store clerk: If you need anything, my name is Gwen.

Me: What's your name otherwise?

πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/itim__office
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2015
🚨︎ report
I just got a job working in the apparel department for Target!

My friends tell me that it suits me well.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/firehaven38
πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2017
🚨︎ report
I figured out what font my local police department uses!

Sans Sheriff

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zazathebassist
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2016
🚨︎ report
Welcome to the accounting department...

...where everybody counts.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2016
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend makes costumes for my university's drama department. One day I asked her...

Is something wrong? You seamstressed.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/slmckay73
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2016
🚨︎ report
I bet the Department of Defense gives the low-quality rations to submarines.

After all, they're sub-optimal.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/i-kant_even
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2017
🚨︎ report
A really huge muscular guy with a bad stutter goes to a counter in a department store and asks, "W-w-w-where's the m-m-m-men's dep-p-p-partment?"

The clerk behind the counter just looks at him and says nothing.

The man repeats himself: "W-w-w-where's the m-m-m-men's dep-p-p-partment?"

Again, the clerk doesn't answer him.

The guy asks several more times: "W-w-w-where's the m-m-m-men's dep-p-p-partment?"

And the clerk just seems to ignore him.

Finally, the guy storms off in anger.

The customer who was waiting in line behind the guy asks the clerk, "Why wouldn't you answer that guy's question?"

The clerk answers, "D-d-d-do you th-th-th-think I w-w-w-want to get b-b-b-beat up?!!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2016
🚨︎ report
So I walked into the Parks department of Rivendell...

and there he was in all his glory: Elrond Swanson

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/scardeal
πŸ“…︎ Feb 14 2017
🚨︎ report
I'm going to open a department store that caters to female pop singers.

It's going to be called, "Lorde and Taylor Swift". Seeking investors.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 22 2016
🚨︎ report
In June there was a Supreme Court ruling that overturned a Department of Agriculture policy in which raisins were seized from farmers in order to maintain high prices. An appeal case was suggested that would mandate compensation for farmers who forfeited their raisins

Clarence Thomas, in response, said an appeal would be "a fruitless exercise"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dude108
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2015
🚨︎ report
Got a co-worker today, I work in a food department in retail.

"Hey can I borrow your date gun?"

"Why? Are you feeling lonely?"

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Aquafier
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2015
🚨︎ report
I found this in an abandoned bookstore while doing some training with my fire department imgur.com/vZSNrG3
πŸ‘︎ 39
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JimmyScrotum
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2013
🚨︎ report
I work in the dairy department at a local grocery store in my town and my dad is a Spanish professor

Maybe Soy Milk is just plain milk introducing it self in Spanish. Yo soy milk

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MasterQuE3F95
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2015
🚨︎ report
Got my entire saxophone department today

Today in my classical saxophone class one of the upperclassmen wanted to plan a get together for all of the saxophone majors.

Him: What do your evenings look like?

Me: Dark

More than 30 disapproving college students: Groan

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/My_Name_Is_Sam
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2014
🚨︎ report
Went clothes shopping with my dad. He followed me around the whole department asking if he "looks fat" in various items.
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dingomatemybaby
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2013
🚨︎ report
Someone in the Toyota marketing department is a Dad

https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/25/98/f9/2598f9702cdbe6a406589c37a3e60847.jpg

Came to make my own joke, but saw that I was beaten to the punch

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jsuss6
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2015
🚨︎ report
My coworker to the .net department

A colleague from the .net department came into our department (java) and said, i must have forgotten my coffee here, he picked it up and on his way back to his department a colleague told him that he accidentally took his fish with him

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/klaushansen
πŸ“…︎ May 01 2014
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.