Ministry Puns

With that, John got in line and when it was his turn the Pastor asked, " John, what do you want me to pray for you?"

John replied, "Pastor, I need you to pray for help with my hearing."

The Pastor put one finger of one hand on John's ear, placed his other hand on top of John's head, and then prayed and prayed and the whole congregation joined in with much enthusiasm. After a few minutes, the Pastor removed his hands, stood back and asked: "John, how is your hearing now?"

John answered, "I don't know. My hearing is actually next Thursday in the "Magistrate Court."

He said, “No em bussy.” He never has time for me.

Sitting on the couch watching The Bachelor with my gf (hate the show but I spend most of the time reddit-ing). She starts talking about how the guy makes out with so many different girls and goes "He even has sex with one of them when they go camping." I responded with "Wow that's fucking in-tents." So I might be sleeping on the couch tonight.

So, I have this pair of shoes. They started off as wedge heels. One day, I noticed that the heels were coming off, so I took them off. I can still wear the shoes as ballet flats. Anyway, today my dad walks in and picks up one of the heels. "Look at the poor little lost sole," he said. I responded with a Dream Theater joke that was also very 'dad': "Just send it to the Ministry of Lost Soles!" Then, he picked up both of them. At the exact same time, we said, "Sole mates!"