A Pastor, a Priest and a Rabbi walk into a bar...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/xtzee
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2020
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Master of Noneβ€’β€’β€’Pastor of Muppets
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πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
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I was having dinner with two Pastors once.

I couldn't reach the food, so I said, "Excuse me Pastor, can you pass the pasta past the Pastor?"

(This actually happened, but it was kind of a letdown - they both just looked at me blankly, then resumed eating.)

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πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2020
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A pastor, priest and rabbi walk into a bar
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tribelawn
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
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I had my pastor bless a bottle of mercury for me.

I love my Christian Heavy Metal.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GerbilSpanker
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
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What happens when your local pastor smokes a blunt?

He becomes a high priest

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πŸ‘€︎ u/icemage27
πŸ“…︎ Oct 20 2020
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Forgive me father, pastor, vicar, padre, priest...

For I have synonymed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kerlandays
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17 2020
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A group of pastors were being shot at

Luckily nun of them died

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ExtensionCover8
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
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Today, my pastor started talking to the drum set during his sermon.

Boy did I appreciate the cymbal-ism...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/midas_1988
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
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My friend is pastor of a church that has no divine historical figures with extraordinary spiritual and moral insight...

It's a not-for-prophet organization.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2020
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Why did the pastor put butter in his bible?

So he could spread the word

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wyrdrink
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
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What do you call a marathon for Pastors?

A rev-run

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MNdwarf
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
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My pastor friend refused to participate in a Full House themed lesbian wedding.

He didn’t want to marry Kate and Ashley.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
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Al pastor, a priest, and a rabbi walk into a bar

The al pastor says, "I think might be a..." The bartender cuts him off, "Hey, no outside food allowed."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RO-Red
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2020
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My pastor wasn’t a fan of my new Jesus Riceβ„’

He said not to take the lords name in grain.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spyro4now
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
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What do you call a pastor who wanders from town to town, looking for leafy green vegetables?

A romaine Catholic priest.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2019
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What do you call a pastor who got bailed out

Christian Bale

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πŸ‘€︎ u/chrisb9999
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
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The pastor wanted to pause for a moment of prayer this morning.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/naturallyjoy
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2018
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What is a marathon for pastors called?

A Rev-run.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_PROkofiev_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2019
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What did one robot pastor say to the other?

How do we get them to byte, and chip in a few more CPUs on Sunday?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thebaconsizzle
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2019
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The pastor asked the congregation to skip verse 3 of the hymn,

but they refrained from that.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dutchraincloud
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2019
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I think my daughter has a crush on our pastor.

She talks about him religiously.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Enkage
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2019
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A Priest, a Pastor, and a Rabbi walk into a bar...

The bartender looks up and says, what is this some kind of joke?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fonz136
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07 2019
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My old pastor was an outspoken advocate for Amazon.

I guess you could say he was a prime minister.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/lilsguy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15 2019
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I asked the local pastor why the church thought it was ok to make money off the Bible. He said, β€œit’s clearly written in the syntax.”
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blindfactotum
πŸ“…︎ Oct 13 2018
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What did the Lego pastor say to the congregation?

"Piece" be with you!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mister-Bear
πŸ“…︎ Jun 15 2018
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What did the pastor say when a bunch of chickens flew into his backyard?

"It's raining hen, hallelujah!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/nikhilbhavsar
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2017
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My pastor invited us over to watch The Walking Dead

...a documentary on the lives of Lazarus and Jesus

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πŸ‘€︎ u/PaxPaw
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2018
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what do you call a marathon for pastors?

a REV. RUN

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πŸ‘€︎ u/neadien
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2017
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I didn't know nuns could also be al pastor i.reddituploads.com/ba66d…
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YouGottaBeKitten
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12 2017
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Why did the youth pastor show show his kids a horror movie?

To scare the hell out of them.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Nerdican
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2016
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So a man sees his pastor at a liquor store on Sunday...

A man sees a priest buying hard liquor on a Sunday at a shop down the street from the church the priest is the pastor of. Surprised, the man, who went to that church, asked why he was buying a 5th of Jagermeister.

The priest said, "it's an old catholic secret that Jagermeister helps ease constipation, which one of the nuns has.

So the guy shrugs and leaves, only to see the priest later that day, not halfway back to the church, drunk as a skunk in the gutter, tipping the brown paper bag with Jagermeister in it all the way back as he drinks it.

He pulls up in his car and asks, "I thought you said it was for a nun's constipation!?"

The priest grunted, "It is! She's going to shit herself when she sees me like this!"

I'm posting this, my grandfather's joke, in honor of him passing a few months ago.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/im_from_detroit
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2015
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My Pastor Told Me a Dad Joke

My best friend's dad is my Pastor, I was talking to my Pastor (whose name is Malcam) about being George Washington in class today, he replied with

"I was named after George Washington!"

"How?"

"He was named in the 1700's, I was named in the 1900's."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/IamBatman777
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2016
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What car does the pastor drive?

A Prius-t

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πŸ‘€︎ u/maxdoss
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2016
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Pastor dad-joked the congregation..

My pastor was talking about the influences of mothers in our lives... He proceeded to talk about how his daughter danced and had pleased Herod, and he offered her anything she wanted, up to half the kingdom. The dancer consulted her mother, who said she should request John the Baptist's head.

This, he informed us, is how to get a head in life.

Dad tears were present.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jman4647
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2014
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My grandpa--a retired Methodist pastor--dropped this one last night

"You know why bees buzz, don't you?

"No. Why, Papa?"

"Well, you'd buzz too if somebody stole your honey and nectar!"

He's 80.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jurassichrist
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2016
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our pastor slipped this dad joke into the sermon

and do you know who the first person mentioned in the bible to not have a father or mother was? it was joshua, because he was the son of nun.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vanguarder
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2015
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My friends dad is a pastor

He said he got to speak at a large church in NYC. I said wow, that's great what did you say? He said "excuse me, where is the restroom?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HeyJudeWhat
πŸ“…︎ Jul 15 2014
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Pastor got the whole congregation

sitting quietly during sermon Pastor: Anybody know who the only person in the bible without parents is? not one raised hand Pastor: Joeseph, son of nun. a room full of groans

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CollinBourland
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2014
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Youth Pastor got me on this one after I made a joke involving my waitress girlfriend.

Facebook post:

We've only been dating a little less than 6 months, in high school, and she's already serving me dinner for the 4th time.

His comment (Father of 4 kids):

I've heard of second breakfast, but fourth dinner? Aren't you full yet?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ACEmat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2014
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My grandfather-in-law got my pastor

We were visiting another church's service, and helped pick up folding chairs afterward. Darrel (my grandfather-in-law) took a while to emerge from the storage closet where all the chairs were going, and when he finally came out, my pastor asked sarcastically, "Are you done?!"

His response: "No! I'm Darrel!"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/crayish
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2015
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