But the elder insisted "with fronds like these, you don't need enemas."
The rabbit says, "I think I'm type-o."
Technically it's a mom joke since my mother-in-law told me....but I still laughed a lot.
you are probably aiming too high.β
C'thru'lu
"You're too young to smoke!"
Whoops wrong Sub.
Commenting on Paul McCartney
"God that guitar player, he's going to go a long way, I got a feeling"
https://youtu.be/ytlqn8Da7bY?t=1m16s
How about a graphical meme for a change?
In the great pyramid of geezer
It just goes right over their heads
He goes to the doctor to discuss his depression. When he arrives back home he has a huge smile on his face. He rushed past his wife and heads into the basement, where he immediately starts tinkering with a brand new invention.
His wife comes downstairs, gives the invention a once-over, then asks "What on earth is this thing, and how this supposed to help your depression?".
"Honey, the doctor told me working on this should have me feeling better in no time!" replies the man. He then proceeds to describe in detail how the machine cracks eggs, steams them, and flips them out onto a plate in under a minute, all at the touch of a button.
"But what on earth does this have to do with your depression? What did that quack doctor tell you to do?" asks the wife
The man replies: "He told me to work on my self egg-steam".
I think she's going to take me up on it.
They repeatedly tapped their screens... Read more
Dino-SARS
Thank you for coming to my TαΊΏt talk.
He had no idea he had started a turf war.
A senΓ΅r citizen
How was I supposed to know sheβd never driven a bus before?
The village elders looked at him and asked, "Didn't you just start your own religion? Ask your followers instead!"
He said, "No problem, I'll be back tomorrow."
The next day he showed up and asked for some bread.
The village elders looked at him and asked, "Doesn't your religion disavow physical needs? Transcend your hunger instead."
He said, "No problem, I'll be back tomorrow."
The next day he showed up and asked for some meat.
The village elders looked at him and asked "Doesn't your religion espouse vegetarianism? You should be asking for bread and vegetables instead."
He said, "I already did, but no problem..."
Finally, the elders called the village guards to get rid of that Hungry Buddha Pest.
Harold.
"Wow! I didn't think you'd like rap music!"
"I didn't, either," the old man replied. "It all started after my hip op".
He gave sage advice.
They made it Up.
Papa Razzi
He picks up the ketchup bottle, glances at it and gives a hearty chuckle before slathering his brat in ketchup.
Puzzled, the woman watches as the next customer, a young girl, walks up to order her hot dog.
As she takes the container of relish, she bursts into a fit of giggles and walks off with her food, still laughing merrily.
A middle-aged man steps up next. Shoveling sauerkraut onto his hot dog, he laughs uproariously and walks away grinning.
When she reaches the front of the line, the woman asks the hot dog vendor,
βExcuse me, sir, but why does everyone laugh when they get their hot dogs?β
βItβs simple, maβam.β he says, handing her a piping-hot sausage. βIβm surprised you havenβt discovered for yourself.β
Glancing at the mustard, the woman lets loose a peal of laughter.
βYa see, maβam? The real_jokeβs always in the condiments!"
They really need to learn to re-spec their elders
The other couldnβt reach.
Fall.
That old lady was off her rocker!
Rob Thomas volunteers to help the wheel chair bound elderly remodel their kitchen.
Old Yeller
I had an elderly patient today who was visibly upset, almost to the point of tears. I asked her if she was worried about having her blood drawn and she said that the blood draw didnβt bother her, but that she was upset because she had hit a cat with her car on the way to her appointment this morning. She said that she didnβt know who the cat belonged to and that she had it wrapped up in a blanket in her car. I asked her how badly the cat was hurt and she said βI think heβs going to be alright. I just clipped the hind end of him, but his tail is just barely hanging on. After I leave here, Iβm taking him straight to Wal-Mart.β
I told her that she might be better off taking the cat to a veterinary clinic instead of Wal-Mart and she said, βbut itβs just his tail, and Wal-Mart is the largest retailer in North America!β
So I pushed her over.
Seated at the bar is an elderly lady, mid eighties.
The gentleman walks over, sits along side of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"
I can't wait to put E.I.E.I.O. on my resume!
Hip-pop!
Yog-urt and elder berries.
Deaf defying!
My job is in raisin awareness.
is walking in St. Petersburg Square one cold evening, when a light precipitation begins to fall.
"It looks like rain", said the man.
"Oh no dear, it's definitely snow. Look at the way it blows in the light", said the woman.
The man turns to his wife and says, "Let's ask the military officer over there. Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?"
"Definitely rain, sir!"
"See, Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"
