I feel like the stress of the pandemic has really aged me...

...I look at least a year older.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/jclcwca0987
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28 2021
🚨︎ report
When I was in florida I saw signs saying "animal sanctuary 5$." so I decided to follow them but when I got there it was just a middle aged couple with hundreds of house cats and one dog in a cage.

It was a Shih Tzu

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πŸ‘€︎ u/HairyClefairy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2021
🚨︎ report
Whats the difference between girls/women aged 8, 18, 28, 38, 48, 58, 68 and 78

At 8. You take her to bed and tell her a story. At 18. You tell her a story and take her to bed. At 28. You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed. At 38. She tells you a story and takes you to bed. At 48. She tells you a story to avoid going to bed. At 58. You stay in bed to avoid her story. At 68. If you take her to bed, that will be a story. At 78. What story??? What bed??? Who the hell are you ???

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
This aged well
πŸ‘︎ 6k
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 26 2019
🚨︎ report
This aged well
πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Pragalbhv
πŸ“…︎ Jul 09 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call it when you throw a middle aged woman off a building and they come back to you?

A boomerang

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blueandgoldilocks
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I like all cheeses, those blue ones, those aged ones, even those sliced ones...

but why does Trump want to make America grate again??????/

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/piggysam
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the Russian word for dry-aged steak?

"Moss Cow."

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PotBuzz
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2020
🚨︎ report
As my impeccably dressed co-worker has aged, incontinence has set in.

He went from dapper Dan to diaper Dan.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Well, this aged well
πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jobe96
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that middle-aged people are the happiest?

Yeah, they’re halving the time of their life.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zotiko
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A rich occultist tells his Butler to get him some aged bourbon

He summoned spirits of long ago

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fukurslf
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report
My uncle always jokes that reaching the remote is middle aged yoga.

I say, Yoga?! Pff, that’s a stretch.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/exaball
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call kids aged 13-19 who have Coronavirus?

Quaranteens!

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/trevorevans1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
🚨︎ report
This aged well
πŸ‘︎ 54
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Vapid1
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
🚨︎ report
One day, a fourteen-year-old weasel walked into a local pub. The bartender took one look at him and says, β€œYou are under-aged. I can’t serve you beer.”

The weasel asks, β€œWhat can I have?” The bartender replies, β€œI have bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and pop.”
β€œPop!” goes the weasel..

πŸ‘︎ 45
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πŸ‘€︎ u/lavacadotoast
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2019
🚨︎ report
My college-aged son tried to get a reaction out of me. He got a dadjoke instead.

http://i.imgur.com/ZoC1DLL.png

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Crash_86
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2014
🚨︎ report
This aged well
πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LegendaryFig
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2019
🚨︎ report
What ancient, mythical creature do middle-aged women hate most?

The Menopausus

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cicoontour
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What’s a russian family gathering with members aged 30+ called?

A Soviet Reunion

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zeepat963
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m middle aged and broke, but I think a young coworker is hitting on me.

I suspect she wants me to be her sugar free daddy.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2018
🚨︎ report
middle-aged guy next to me in the pub yesterday asked the barman if they have a lighter ....

but they only had matches!

so he took them and said

"they'll do just fine. thank you very ...

match"

and yes, he paused, did the finger gun and winked.

surely he was a dad.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ“…︎ Mar 08 2014
🚨︎ report
Why did members of the Wu Tang Clan storm out of Danny's Filthy, Aged Seafood?

They didn't appreciate their fish coming with a side of an old, dirty bass turd.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AsherFischell
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Today I discovered that all crows are middle aged

Every one of them has crow’s feet.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Cold-Papa-Bell
πŸ“…︎ Feb 21 2019
🚨︎ report
Ad appeared in personal ads section.... Middle aged outdoors man, avid bass fisherman looking for like minded single woman with a bass boat....

Send picture of boat.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/manicmoose13
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2018
🚨︎ report
Two middle aged men playing golf.

Out of the corner of his eye, through the trees, one gentleman sees a funeral procession passing just outside the course.

He removes his hat, holds it to his chest, bows his head and sheds a quick tear, before taking his shot.

The other gentleman comments that he never knew he was so emotional.

First gentleman replies, "well we were married for 30 years, it's the least I can do".

πŸ‘︎ 25
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πŸ‘€︎ u/eltegs
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14 2018
🚨︎ report
What would you call a well aged boarder?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Parakeetparade
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you know there’s a middle aged women only activist group who’s goal is to literally stop all men?

They call themselves β€˜Menopause.’

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tristanio97
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2018
🚨︎ report
I met my preschool-aged niece for the first time Christmas eve

She loves turning into a "blood monster," running up to people, slapping them, and claim she's sucking our blood as she yells "I'm a blood monster! Rawr!"

Me: "Oh no, she's a hemoGOBLIN!"

I got some applause from the few adults present.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kuebic
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2017
🚨︎ report
Dad Joke Daily - The Middle Aged

https://youtu.be/1JVma0S-UXI

Michael talks about medievil times and why it is always important to consult your Encyclopedia Brittanica.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/impulsive-ideas
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2017
🚨︎ report
When a scientist becomes middle aged

He has a half-life crisis

πŸ‘︎ 18
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πŸ‘€︎ u/peterampbell
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2015
🚨︎ report

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