...I look at least a year older.
It was a Shih Tzu
At 8. You take her to bed and tell her a story. At 18. You tell her a story and take her to bed. At 28. You don't need to tell her a story to take her to bed. At 38. She tells you a story and takes you to bed. At 48. She tells you a story to avoid going to bed. At 58. You stay in bed to avoid her story. At 68. If you take her to bed, that will be a story. At 78. What story??? What bed??? Who the hell are you ???
A boomerang
but why does Trump want to make America grate again??????/
"Moss Cow."
He went from dapper Dan to diaper Dan.
Yeah, they’re halving the time of their life.
He summoned spirits of long ago
I say, Yoga?! Pff, that’s a stretch.
Quaranteens!
The weasel asks, “What can I have?”
The bartender replies, “I have bottled water, juice, energy drinks, and pop.”
“Pop!” goes the weasel..
http://i.imgur.com/ZoC1DLL.png
The Menopausus
A Soviet Reunion
I suspect she wants me to be her sugar free daddy.
but they only had matches!
so he took them and said
"they'll do just fine. thank you very ...
match"
and yes, he paused, did the finger gun and winked.
surely he was a dad.
They didn't appreciate their fish coming with a side of an old, dirty bass turd.
Every one of them has crow’s feet.
Send picture of boat.
Out of the corner of his eye, through the trees, one gentleman sees a funeral procession passing just outside the course.
He removes his hat, holds it to his chest, bows his head and sheds a quick tear, before taking his shot.
The other gentleman comments that he never knew he was so emotional.
First gentleman replies, "well we were married for 30 years, it's the least I can do".
They call themselves ‘Menopause.’
She loves turning into a "blood monster," running up to people, slapping them, and claim she's sucking our blood as she yells "I'm a blood monster! Rawr!"
Me: "Oh no, she's a hemoGOBLIN!"
I got some applause from the few adults present.
https://youtu.be/1JVma0S-UXI
Michael talks about medievil times and why it is always important to consult your Encyclopedia Brittanica.
He has a half-life crisis
