Last week, I tried out ten new puns
To see if theyβd make people laugh... but no pun intended!
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︎ Jun 12 2020
Looking for a new pun tat
I already have a bee on my butt-cuz when I do the sizzle finger thing I say it stings beeing this hot
A pacifier on my middle finger- for the suckers
I am hoping to get a fly in a suit soon holding some jars of honey- cuz you can catch a fly with honey but you can catch more hunnys being fly
Any other ideas would be appreciated
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︎ Dec 16 2019
My wife asked if I was going to get new puns now that I'm a dad.
I told her the old ones just get grandfathered in.
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︎ Sep 10 2018
My new pun...
If you're a Muslim scholar on the side, would that be Allah carte?
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︎ May 15 2018
Comment with any new puns below
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︎ Mar 16 2018
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︎ Jul 25 2017
Did you see the new puns subthread?
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︎ Jan 11 2016
I created a punny discord
So I wanted to learn puns, but I didn't find any good discord server where you could meat with people and practice or learn new puns, so I decided to create such a server where we can all hopefully learn how to pun. If you would like to join here's a link: https://discord.gg/hVBqM7hn9r
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︎ Dec 11 2020
Everytime I buy a new house, I always spend $1,000 on the door.
That way, I always make a grand entrance.
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︎ Jan 15 2021
Got a new tattoo
My wife was complaining about how i'm not spontanious or creative, unless it involves terrible jokes, so i went out and got a tattoo (my first one). But since im not very creative i had them tattoo a pic of my thermos from work. I went home all excited and showed her my new tattoo! She was really confused about it. She looked at it for awhile and when she went to touch it i yelled at her not to touch the thermos tat. I think she's leaving me now :(
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︎ Nov 09 2020
I've started a new band called "Blanket'
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︎ Dec 30 2020
A new level.
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︎ Nov 19 2020
I've been using my new U2 navigation system this week and it's the worst...
The streets have no name and I still haven't found what I'm looking for!
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︎ Jan 17 2021
My wife bought me a new shirt for my birthday!
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︎ Oct 10 2020
Is this sub still active?
Haven't seen anyone post all year!
(Happy New Year from Australia everyone!)
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︎ Dec 31 2020
Have you seen the new movie βConstipationβ? No?
Thatβs because it hasnβt come out yet
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︎ Jan 14 2021
my new years resolution is
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︎ Jan 01 2021
A New Motorcycle
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︎ Dec 07 2020
I have only two new years resolutions this year. One: get back to the weight I was before the accident.
Two: stop referring to last year's junk food binge as 'the accident'
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︎ Jan 03 2021
Did you hear about this new restaurant, Karma?
There's nothing on the menu. You just get what you deserve.
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︎ Jan 12 2021
If a father in Iraq gifts his daughter a new bag, what will she say?
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︎ Sep 23 2020
I was tasked to come up with a great pun for a new launch of Microsoft Office, I thought Iβd come up with a great one.
But my publisher told me that word games are not what I excel at.
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︎ Jan 14 2021
Went to a new local grocery store called mommas and pappas. I bought a head of lettuce but just couldn't eat it...
Because all the leaves are brown.
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︎ Jan 17 2021
I've been reading so many horrible things about drinking and smoking recently, that I've made a firm new year's resolution..
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︎ Jan 11 2021
What are your resolution going to be for the new year?
Still on 1080p? or upgraded to 4k already?
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︎ Dec 31 2020
Remember to lift your left leg up off the ground during the New Years countdown
So you can start the New Year off on the right foot
Edit: Thanks for the silver
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︎ Dec 30 2020
We just bought our new dream house and as I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs!?" I chuckled and replied, "Awwwww sweetie...."
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︎ Sep 01 2020
New medication created. Reduces swelling but makes you swear.
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︎ Jan 12 2021
I bought a new answering machine.....
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︎ Jan 14 2021
I bought some new shoes from my drug dealer today...
I have no idea what he laced them with, but I've been tripping all day!
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︎ Jan 09 2021
A pediatric surgeon sewed his kids together as a new form of punishment.
If you canβt beat βem, join βem.
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︎ Jan 03 2021
Apples new Bluetooth accessory: the iTanic...
....is guaranteed to sync.
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︎ Jan 15 2021
I was thinking of making an investment on a new farming venture that feeds marijuana to cows instead of grass.
The steaks will be too high for sure.
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︎ Jan 04 2021
A new discovery
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︎ Dec 02 2020
I never remember what people tell me at New Year's parties
It goes in one year and out the other.
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︎ Dec 31 2020
I just saw Jesus & a couple of His disciples drive past me in a new car
Looks like it was a Christler
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︎ Dec 29 2020
Did you hear about that new high-tech shovel?
It was sure groundbreaking!
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︎ Jan 03 2021
Did you hear about the new WiFi connected chef's knife?
It's cutting-edge technology.
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︎ Jan 09 2021
The new Lego store recently opened up
People lined up for blocks
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︎ Jan 10 2021
New Year's Resolution
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︎ Jan 04 2021
Decided to make a new stripe club today
We only play βHey There Delilahβ. The club will called the Plain White Tease.
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︎ Jan 16 2021
Happy New Year
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︎ Jan 01 2021
Happy New Year fellow dad jokesters! For 2021, Iβm going to turn all of my problems into opportunities.
Starting with my severe drinking opportunity
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︎ Dec 31 2020
My new job at the nuclear reactor requires me to take anger management classes.
They're to prevent meltdowns.
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︎ Nov 20 2020
My dad always used to say βout with the old and in with the newβ.
Lovely man, terrible antiques dealer...
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︎ Jan 02 2021
Did you hear about Dolly Partonβs new weight loss coffee?
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︎ Jan 12 2021
Today I asked a hot girl at the gym what her new year's resolution was. She replied βScrew you!β
So I'm pretty excited for the new year!
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︎ Dec 21 2020
The only thing I have planned for today is to get my new glasses.
Then I'll see what happens.
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︎ Dec 30 2020
What's the most dangerous part of New York in the winter?
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︎ Jan 07 2021
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