Newness Puns

To see if they’d make people laugh... but no pun intended!

I already have a bee on my butt-cuz when I do the sizzle finger thing I say it stings beeing this hot

A pacifier on my middle finger- for the suckers

I am hoping to get a fly in a suit soon holding some jars of honey- cuz you can catch a fly with honey but you can catch more hunnys being fly

Any other ideas would be appreciated

I told her the old ones just get grandfathered in.

If you're a Muslim scholar on the side, would that be Allah carte?

Reddit already.

So I wanted to learn puns, but I didn't find any good discord server where you could meat with people and practice or learn new puns, so I decided to create such a server where we can all hopefully learn how to pun. If you would like to join here's a link: https://discord.gg/hVBqM7hn9r

My wife was complaining about how i'm not spontanious or creative, unless it involves terrible jokes, so i went out and got a tattoo (my first one). But since im not very creative i had them tattoo a pic of my thermos from work. I went home all excited and showed her my new tattoo! She was really confused about it. She looked at it for awhile and when she went to touch it i yelled at her not to touch the thermos tat. I think she's leaving me now :(

Thanks for the Baghdad!

"Stairs don't talk!"

They're to prevent meltdowns.

I just can’t put it down

Donkey Hote

New to this subreddit. I know the point of this thing is to share funny jokes, but since I'm a newbie I hope you'll allow me this one opportunity to make a serious but friendly PSA: If you're lucky enough to have a father, don't take him for granted. Even when they scold or punish you, trust their judgement, it's likely for good reason even if you can't see it at the time. When I was a child I narrowly avoided a horrific accident in which 4 of my friends were electrocuted at a playground we used to play on every day after school. I used to hate my old man for being so strict and disciplining me when all of my friends got to run wild, but if it weren't for him I definitely would have been electrocuted too that day. But I wasn't. I was grounded.

It was $50 per head.

Beheading there shortly.

Now I’m homeless.

That has left scientists scratching their heads.

But my therapist thought that was a bad idea. He said it was not healthy to bottle emotions. Others told me that the product would fizz in sales.

It's called carbon dating.

Let that sink in.

But the instructions just say ‘You know the rules, and so do I”

But he just won’t listen.

Now she's a small medium at large.

A lot of it is inflation.

She looks totally wicket in it.

Apple juice

It’s at the spice factory, which is great. The best part about it is that it’s a seasonal job. Heh. Heh.

She said “congrats!”

I replied “thanks, it means a lot”

So on January 1st I can say “I guess hindsight is 2020!”

"Honey, it’s the little things that count!"

She responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.  I said, 'Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?'  'HELLLOOOOOOO......,' she answered, “They're watch dogs'!

I wonder when it will air.

...it's pretty catchy.

"It’s cutting hedge technology!"

Maybe they should start thinking outside the bawks

They're making headlines.

But he just won’t listen.