46 Hilarious Late Puns - Punstoppable 🛑

I told my boss, “Sorry I’m late. I was having computer issues.”

Boss: Hard drive?

Me: No, the commute was fine. It’s my laptop.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto

📅︎ Nov 25 2020

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A friend told me that the ball drop was a minute late

The ball was dropped at the ball drop.

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👤︎ u/Fleeves

📅︎ Jan 01 2021

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What was the cannibal given after he showed up late to the dinner party?

The cold shoulder

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👤︎ u/onemangang15

📅︎ Dec 12 2020

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What’s the difference between a molecule of table salt and the late Sean Connery?

One has an ionic bond. The other was the iconic Bond.

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👤︎ u/Rossum81

📅︎ Jan 08 2021

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An egg got late to work. He says to his boss:

"Sorry boss, Omelette."

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👤︎ u/BowelMovementator

📅︎ Dec 23 2020

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A few days too late, but OK.

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👤︎ u/Anathex_Adv

📅︎ Dec 29 2020

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Hippie gets 3 months late on rent...So the landlord knocks on his door to let him know he’s being evicted

He opens the door and tells him “Namaste”.

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👤︎ u/boobaloo222

📅︎ Dec 25 2020

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I was so late guys

That my grave robber is called an Archaeologist.

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👤︎ u/Psychological-Bill76

📅︎ Jan 03 2021

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This happened a while back, I was dropping my 7 year old school son to school. “Son, hurry up, we’re running late.”

Son: “no dad, we’re walking late.”

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👤︎ u/Monkey-Magic007

📅︎ Jan 01 2021

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I was sitting on the toilet, angry, and late for work.

I thought, “I don’t have time for this shit.”

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👤︎ u/the_houser

📅︎ Nov 08 2020

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Sorry this is a day late, but I made a Christmas Puns advent calendar from QR codes and I wanted to share it with everyone. pdfhost.io/v/TQuSCzy.W_Ad…

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👤︎ u/Leron4551

📅︎ Dec 02 2020

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What do you call someone who commits arson in late November?

A Sagi-terrorist

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👤︎ u/brichouse

📅︎ Dec 26 2020

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Why was the math teacher late to work?

She took the rhombus.

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👤︎ u/babydluv21

📅︎ Oct 12 2020

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Late last night Mr Peanut was walking home through a bad neighborhood

I have been informed he was a-salted.

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👤︎ u/DubsAli

📅︎ Nov 24 2020

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A man is walking home alone late one foggy night, when behind him he hears:

Bump…

Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.

Bump…

BUMP…

Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home. The casket still bouncing quickly behind him.

Faster…

FASTER…

Bump…

BUMP…

He runs up to his door, fumbles with the keys, opens the door, rushes in and slams and locks the door behind him.

Rushing up the stairs to his bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding. His head is reeling. His breath is coming in sobbing gasps.

With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping towards him.

The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is cough syrup!

Desperate, he throws the cough syrup as the casket!

And…

The coffin stops….

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👤︎ u/ParadoxXSchock

📅︎ Nov 18 2020

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After hearing about my history major, my dad said, “You should go visit Italy in late August.”

..Then you can witness The Fall of Rome.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto

📅︎ Dec 04 2020

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"Sorry I'm late" said the broom

"I over swept"

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👤︎ u/MrWulf360

📅︎ Dec 02 2020

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(*in a late night TV voice*)

Have you been wearing glasses during the pandemic?!? Have you been wearing your mask?!? You may be entitled to condensation.

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👤︎ u/engco431

📅︎ Dec 05 2020

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Man: I’m so sorry I’m late for my ship cleaning job. What are my responsibilities?

Boss: You mist the boat.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto

📅︎ Nov 27 2020

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What agency does the president call upon when craving a late night snack?

The Secret Room Service

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👤︎ u/GrayWolf85

📅︎ Nov 24 2020

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What do you call it when a transgender interpreter is late to work?

Translate.

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👤︎ u/PO5IT1VE

📅︎ Nov 11 2020

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We donut want to be late.

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👤︎ u/loot98

📅︎ Sep 20 2020

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I wanted to make a Columbus Day joke but I’m a day late.

Guess that ship has sailed.

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👤︎ u/chrisoatkins

📅︎ Oct 14 2020

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There was an inventor in the late 1800s who despised bells, he designed a device that would eliminate every bell in the world.

He was later awarded the Nobel prize

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👤︎ u/max69well

📅︎ Aug 07 2020

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I just went to go visit my late grandmother buried in the cemetery, but when I went there I found her dancing!

It was quite the Plot Twist

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👤︎ u/nickycthatsme

📅︎ Oct 07 2020

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Already that late?

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👤︎ u/Tarlungs1104666

📅︎ Aug 04 2020

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My calculus professor was 16 minutes late for the first class, 8 minutes late for the second, and 4 minutes late for the third.

At this rate, he will never be there on time.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto

📅︎ Jun 20 2020

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I’ll never forget the last thing my late grandfather said to me.

Sorry I’m late.

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👤︎ u/Light_bulbnz

📅︎ Jul 06 2020

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Did you hear about the Dairy Farmer who always worked late?

He was udderly exhausted.

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👤︎ u/griffglen

📅︎ Sep 20 2020

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The meeting was at 8 and I was 10 minutes late, so I couldn't 8:10 the meeting.

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👤︎ u/Retro_Code

📅︎ Aug 12 2020

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What did the tomato say when running late

Ketchup with you later

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👤︎ u/Slymood

📅︎ Sep 26 2020

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A carrot and his wife are walking home from a party late at night and he gets hit by a car.

Mrs. Carrot takes him to the ER and after a day of surgery, the doctor steps out and says, "Mrs. Carrot, I have good news and I have bad news. The good news is, we saved your husband. The bad news is, he's going to be a vegetable the rest of his life."

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👤︎ u/LargeBigHuge

📅︎ Jun 17 2020

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late night when i need your love