An electrician came home very late when night and his wife said
"Wire you insulate"
And he replied "Watts it to you? I'm Ohm ain't I?"
This is the first Dad joke I remember hearing, and it came from my older brother.
(We're not grading for quality here, right?)
It’s too late to make Suez Canal jokes now
I told my boss, “Sorry I’m late. I was having computer issues.”
Boss: Hard drive?
Me: No, the commute was fine. It’s my laptop.
When I'm running late dropping my kids off at daycare, I call in to my 8am Zoom meeting from my car.
I call it, "phoning it in."
Did you hear about the metal shipment that was late?
I created a joke for my late father
He was supposed to be here 10 minutes ago to hear it tho...
Commemorating a late Ides of March
Was Julius Cesar the first Holey Roman emperor?
Why was the broom late to class?
What do you call an Incarcerated late night TV show host?
What do you call a historian studying a music genre that originated in Jamaica in the late 1950s...
I must have shown up late to the Kleptomanic Conference.
All the seats were already taken.
A friend told me that the ball drop was a minute late
The ball was dropped at the ball drop.
I sat on the toilet, angry, exhausted, and late for work.
I said to myself, “I don’t have time for this shit.”
What was the cannibal given after he showed up late to the dinner party?
I suddenly realized I was going through the airport turnstile sideways, but it was too late...
Did you hear about the DJ that was late to his Gig???
Everyone was like, Gee MC......
What’s the difference between a molecule of table salt and the late Sean Connery?
One has an ionic bond. The other was the iconic Bond.
What did the broom say when he was late for the meeting ?
My shift at work ends at midnight, but I'm a night owl so I find staying up late easy...
...I could stay up until midnight with my eyes closed.
An egg got late to work. He says to his boss:
When you realize, too late, that there is no more Toilet Paper
My buddy Earl has never been late to work, school, or any appointment. Want to know his secret?
A few days too late, but OK.
Why was the math teacher late to work?
Sometimes late at night
I look up at the twinkling sky and whisper,
"You guys are the real stars."
Hippie gets 3 months late on rent...So the landlord knocks on his door to let him know he’s being evicted
He opens the door and tells him “Namaste”.
I was so late guys
That my grave robber is called an Archaeologist.
This happened a while back, I was dropping my 7 year old school son to school. “Son, hurry up, we’re running late.”
Son: “no dad, we’re walking late.”
Sorry this is a day late, but I made a Christmas Puns advent calendar from QR codes and I wanted to share it with everyone.
pdfhost.io/v/TQuSCzy.W_Ad…
Late last night Mr Peanut was walking home through a bad neighborhood
I have been informed he was a-salted.
A man is walking home alone late one foggy night, when behind him he hears:
Bump…
Bump…
Bump…
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.
Bump…
Bump…
BUMP…
Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home. The casket still bouncing quickly behind him.
Faster…
Faster…
FASTER…
Bump…
Bump…
BUMP…
He runs up to his door, fumbles with the keys, opens the door, rushes in and slams and locks the door behind him.
Rushing up the stairs to his bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding. His head is reeling. His breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping towards him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is cough syrup!
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup as the casket!
And…
The coffin stops….
What do you call someone who commits arson in late November?
After hearing about my history major, my dad said, “You should go visit Italy in late August.”
..Then you can witness The Fall of Rome.
Man: I’m so sorry I’m late for my ship cleaning job. What are my responsibilities?
(*in a late night TV voice*)
Have you been wearing glasses during the pandemic?!? Have you been wearing your mask?!? You may be entitled to condensation.
We donut want to be late.
There was an inventor in the late 1800s who despised bells, he designed a device that would eliminate every bell in the world.
He was later awarded the Nobel prize
What agency does the president call upon when craving a late night snack?
I wanted to make a Columbus Day joke but I’m a day late.
Guess that ship has sailed.
I was sitting on the toilet, angry, and late for work.
I thought, “I don’t have time for this shit.”
I was sitting on the toilet, angry, and late for work.
I thought, “I don’t have time for this shit.”
what does an egg say when it's late?
What happened when the cannibal showed up late to dinner?
They gave him the cold shoulder
As I sat on the toilet late for work I thought..
I dont think have time for this shit
Why was the math teacher late to work?
Because she got on the rhombus.
"Sorry I'm late" said the broom
What was the broom late to his meeting?
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