All this stress lately has me trying new things. For example, I've discovered that brake fluid is actually delicious. I'm up to a case a day, but there's no need to worry about me.
π︎ 48
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︎ Jan 18 2021
I'm having frequent pains lately.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jan 20 2021
Iβve been going through a lot of shit lately
I hate my job as a plumber.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Jan 17 2021
Iβve been saying βmuchoβ to my Spanish friend a lot more often lately
π︎ 13k
π
︎ May 26 2020
Iβve noticed I can tell when the ocean is smoking pot lately.
Iβve noticed I can tell when the ocean is smoking pot lately. How can I tell? When I see that the Tide is High.
Donβt know if this counts as a dad joke.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Nov 18 2020
I've been planning meals in advance a lot lately..
..and it has given me food forethought.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Oct 22 2020
I've been seeing a lot of Stump Grinding signs lately.
I wonder what office they're running for.
π︎ 3
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︎ Oct 14 2020
My wife asked, "What's wrong honey?" I sighed, "Iβm just not having much luck with jobs lately."
"I couldnβt concentrate in the orange juice factory, wasnβt suited to be a tailor, the muffler factory was just exhausting, couldnβt cut it as barber, didnβt have the patience to be a doctor, didnβt fit in the shoe factory, pool maintenance was too draining and I just couldnβt see any future as a historian!"
π︎ 22
π
︎ Aug 18 2020
Lately my family have been telling me I need new glasses
But I really don't see the problem
π︎ 25
π
︎ Aug 28 2020
Every time I finish my jog, I like to eat a protein bar. Lately, though, I'm having trouble swallowing it
I hope it doesn't become a running gag
π︎ 5
π
︎ Sep 21 2020
My investment in silent actors has really paid off lately.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Sep 06 2020
I've been dating a ghost lately.
But im never seeing her again. Im done with her sheet. I thought she was gonna scream MY name during sex at least once
But my name is not Boo.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Aug 31 2020
My hot dog sausage has been doing well lately ...
π︎ 3
π
︎ Aug 31 2020
My Cat has been very poorly lately..
..She's recovering from a massive stroke.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Aug 03 2020
Lately, Iβve grown increasingly apathetic towards eating vegetables
Some days, I just donβt carrot all
π︎ 23
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︎ May 24 2020
Been noticing weird things with my neighbor lately. No idea why he shovels soil from his side, into mine.
π︎ 16
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︎ Apr 16 2020
I've been so bored lately that I've been sprinkling water on people's lawns in the morning.
It gives me something to dew.
π︎ 16
π
︎ Jun 04 2020
weβve all been watching a lot of viral videos lately
π︎ 16
π
︎ Apr 07 2020
I've been really getting into a turn based strategy game lately
π︎ 22
π
︎ May 24 2020
I've been really keen on watching the SpaceX Falcon 9 rocket launches lately...
... Guess you could say that I've been watching them like a hawk!
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jun 04 2020
I've been playing Tetris a lot lately.
It was a bit difficult at first but now everything's falling into place.
π︎ 58
π
︎ Feb 26 2020
I've been really struggling lately and nothing seems to be going right so my friend directed me to www.conjunctivitis.com.
It was a site for sore eyes
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jun 03 2020
Sharpening the dadjoke knife here lately...
My 4y/o is watching a cartoon whereby there are some asteroids and meteors & says, βOh my goodness gracious! Daddy! A meteor shower!!β
To which I responded, βMeatier than what? Campbellβs Chunky Soup?β
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jun 11 2020
Iβve been donating a lot of dining room sets to people in need lately.
I guess Iβm just feeling very chairtable.
π︎ 5
π
︎ May 17 2020
I've had to use my old nintendo controller to work from lately
You can say I've been working wiimotely
π︎ 2
π
︎ May 22 2020
Lately Iβve been saying βel mundoβ a lot to my spanish friends.
It means the world to them.
π︎ 200
π
︎ Sep 28 2019
Hey have you heard from the headless horseman lately?
I don't speak to him, I think he lost his mind.
π︎ 2
π
︎ May 08 2020
As a Dad 'comedian', lately all my material has been
π︎ 7
π
︎ Apr 07 2020
My neighbor and I have been battling with epees lately, which has aided in our friendship...
You know what they say, good fences make good neighbors.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Apr 10 2020
I speak two languages, but lately I've started to lose vocabulary on both
Some people say I'm byelingual
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 24 2020
I've been reading some Star Trek fanfiction lately
It has its prose and Khans
π︎ 13
π
︎ Jan 17 2020
My dwarf wife has been feeling a bit down lately
π︎ 6
π
︎ Nov 16 2019
Lately my wife has become increasingly frustrated with the amount of geriatric patients sheβs been seeing...
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 17 2020
This sub is disappointing me lately.
I'm going to try the meatball next time.
π︎ 14k
π
︎ Jun 19 2016
Yo-Yos really seem to have made a resurgence lately.
Itβs getting out of hand.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Dec 18 2019
Iβve been saying βmuchoβ to my Latino friends more lately
π︎ 12
π
︎ Jun 21 2020
Iβve been saying βmuchoβ to my Spanish friend more often lately...
π︎ 8
π
︎ May 28 2020
I haven't had much success with jobs lately
I couldnβt concentrate in the orange juice factory; wasnβt suited to be a tailor; the muffler factory was just exhausting; couldnβt cut it as barber; didnβt have the patience to be a doctor; didnβt fit in the shoe factory; pool maintenance was too draining and I just couldnβt see any future as a historian. I'm going to look into becoming an optometrist. We'll see.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Sep 12 2019
My Cat hasn't been well lately
... She's recovering from a massive Stroke.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 28 2020
This sub is really disappointing me lately.
I'm going to try the meatballs next time.
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Dec 27 2016
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