Boss: Hard drive?
Me: No, the commute was fine. It’s my laptop.
The cold shoulder
One has an ionic bond. The other was the iconic Bond.
The ball was dropped at the ball drop.
"Sorry boss, Omelette."
He opens the door and tells him “Namaste”.
That my grave robber is called an Archaeologist.
Son: “no dad, we’re walking late.”
I thought, “I don’t have time for this shit.”
A Sagi-terrorist
She took the rhombus.
I have been informed he was a-salted.
Bump…
Bump…
Bump…
Walking faster, he looks back and through the fog he makes out the image of an upright casket banging its way down the middle of the street toward him.
Bump…
Bump…
BUMP…
Terrified, the man begins to run toward his home. The casket still bouncing quickly behind him.
Faster…
Faster…
FASTER…
Bump…
Bump…
BUMP…
He runs up to his door, fumbles with the keys, opens the door, rushes in and slams and locks the door behind him.
Rushing up the stairs to his bathroom, the man locks himself in. His heart is pounding. His head is reeling. His breath is coming in sobbing gasps.
With a loud CRASH the casket breaks down the door. Bumping and clapping towards him.
The man screams and reaches for something, anything, but all he can find is cough syrup!
Desperate, he throws the cough syrup as the casket!
And…
The coffin stops….
..Then you can witness The Fall of Rome.
Have you been wearing glasses during the pandemic?!? Have you been wearing your mask?!? You may be entitled to condensation.
It means a lot to him
Boss: You mist the boat.
I’ve noticed I can tell when the ocean is smoking pot lately. How can I tell? When I see that the Tide is High.
Don’t know if this counts as a dad joke.
He overswept...
The Secret Room Service
Translate.
Guess that ship has sailed.
It's spam.
He was later awarded the Nobel prize
..and it has given me food forethought.
It was quite the Plot Twist
I wonder what office they're running for.
Just not the ones she been giving me lately.
Thanks for the silver ❤️
At this rate, he will never be there on time.
He was udderly exhausted.
But I really don't see the problem
"I couldn’t concentrate in the orange juice factory, wasn’t suited to be a tailor, the muffler factory was just exhausting, couldn’t cut it as barber, didn’t have the patience to be a doctor, didn’t fit in the shoe factory, pool maintenance was too draining and I just couldn’t see any future as a historian!"
Sorry I’m late.
They gave him the cold shoulder
oh, sorry, OMELETTE.
I thought, “I don’t have time for this shit.”
I dont think have time for this shit
Because she got on the rhombus.
