What do you call a brilliant young musician?

a#m

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KnatkTroll
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2021
🚨︎ report
One minute you're young and fun..

The next minute you're turning down the stereo in the car so you can see better.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2020
🚨︎ report
A very young lemon strolled into an underground metro station, buying and enjoying a coffee, chatting with other fruits and eventually riding on a nice, modern train.

One could say it was a sub-lime experience.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ThePokemasterYT
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10 2021
🚨︎ report
What fast food does a young cannibal order?

A kids meal.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/a-scott-s-tot
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Why couldn’t the young, electric train keep up with the old trains?

Because he ran out of steam

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dynamixx98
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2021
🚨︎ report
When I was in high school in Belleville, ON, a young local artist spray-painted a beautiful picture on a large concrete wall under a bridge by the Moira river. He didn't get permission to do this, however, and the city eventually painted over it.

Watching his picture go like that must've been pretty demuralizing.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/levitron
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I have to tell someone about this because I'm at home alone with my 2 year old and 11 month old, and they're to young to understand my best dad joke ever.

My 2 year old has cereal in her snack cup and just showed me that there was a piece of cereal in her sleeve. I said, "Looks like you got some tricks up your sleeve." GUESS WHAT KIND OF CEREAL SHE WAS EATING!.....IT WAS TRIX!
Edit: Thanks for my first gold!

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Superj89
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Say what you will about anti-vaxxers, flat earthers and young earth Creationists, at least they all have a good conscience...

...especially as they constantly come out with tons of con-science.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bbew_Mot
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2020
🚨︎ report
*This is a literal Dad Joke my father used to tell when I was a kid about 30 years ago. He's almost 80 now and it still makes him laugh.* - So, there was this man named James Fart. Everybody made fun of him since he was very young. "James Fart! James Fart" the bullies used to make him cry...

He came of age among this suffering and at 21 was finally able to legally change his name. He arrived at the government office where he presented himself:

-I'm James Fart and I want to legally change my name!

Of course they laughed at him (everybody did) but eventually they all settled and came around to the situation.

-Ok, so... your current name is.. Β·chucklesΒ· James Fart... I'm sorry, I just...

-I know, everybody has been laughing at my name since as long as I can remember.

After a long and tedious process, everything is ready.

-Very well, sorry for the delays but you know how hard this protocols are. The good news: you are no longer "James Fart", what name do you want instead?

-Charles Fart.

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gone11gone11
πŸ“…︎ May 06 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a young adult who can’t leave her house due to a pandemic?

Quaran-teen

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
A guy was storing all the facial hair since he was young and had created a huge pile.

When his wife told him to get rid of it, he said "no, it's a must stash".

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Schrodingers_liar
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2020
🚨︎ report
When I was young, my parents used to buy all my sports gear but now that I’m an adult I figured I should splurge and buy myself a nice hockey stick. When I went looking at the store I realized that my parents would only buy me low quality, inexpensive sticks to save money.

Cheapskates!........cheap helmets, cheap gloves...

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/deathorcharcoal
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
My son said, β€œDad, when you were young, was the landline the only way you could communicate with each other?”

I said, β€œNo. Get your fax straight.”

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2020
🚨︎ report
I was talking to my friend and he asked me, β€œAs a young boy was your mom strict with you?” I told him, β€œTo be honest,...

β€œ...my mother was never a young boy.”

πŸ‘︎ 215
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2020
🚨︎ report
When I was young, my fairy godmother asked me if I wanted a long penis or a long memory

I forget my response

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lez566
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My young son and I were having our first discussion about drugs. He was curious about why people would do drugs in the first place, and I told him that many people do it because it produces different feelings of euphoria. He asked, "what's euphoria?" I told him that it was hard to explain...

But it's a feeling somewhere between euthreeia and eufiveia.

πŸ‘︎ 81
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wgf5823
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2020
🚨︎ report
My son asked me β€œWhat music did you listen to when you were young?” I said, β€œPete Townshend”.

My son: Who?

Me: Exactly.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Why are young adults in farming families less likely to get COVID?

Because they're corn teens

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dadjo_kes
πŸ“…︎ Nov 06 2020
🚨︎ report
Why does Barbie look so young even though she was born in the fifties?

Plastic surgery

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lfantine
πŸ“…︎ Aug 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My kid wanted to join the orchestra. I said "sorry, but you're way too young for that…"

"…it has a lot of sax and violins."

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PimplupXD
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
A young boy and his dad laid on the grass, looking at the sky. The boy asked, "Dad, will you teach me about the sky?"

The dad replied, "Son, it's way over your head."

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/whitethunder9
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do hamburgers love young people?

They're pro-teen.

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/b0rs
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A priest was getting very annoyed with his young parishioners during dinner time and said if they continued misbehaving even the cutlery would be punished.

One boy said to another: "What? the fork in hell?"

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/atheistmil
πŸ“…︎ Oct 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I was in town earlier on looking for some fly killer. I picked up a can and asked the young store assistant "Excuse me, is this any good for wasps?"

"No" he said, "It kills them"

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My young daughter begged me to play as a horse. I begrudgingly agreed...

I didn't really want to be a neigh sayer.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lobsterbash
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a jewish person who is too young to be considered an adult

Jewvenile

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MikeDanny
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Why does the older generation hate the young lazy kids

They didn't do anything, to deserve that

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/your_username_sux
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Just heard a grocery store manager telling off a young guy on the checkout. β€œWhy’d you ask that woman with kids for ID? What was she buying?”

β€œCardamom”

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Aphex-Puddle
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife and I recently had a child on accident. We didn't want a child at all as we are rather young and wanted to wait a few years. He was born yesterday at the whopping weight of 8 kilos.

We've made a massive mistake

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/oxygenatedair66
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2020
🚨︎ report
A young boy finds a magic lamp

He rubs theΒ lamp, and a genieΒ appears and says,Β β€œWhat is your firstΒ wish?”

The kid says, β€œIΒ wish I were rich!” The genie replies,Β β€œIt is done! What isΒ your second wish,Β Rich?”

πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chennai_buzzer
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2020
🚨︎ report
Gerald, a young bull elephant was using the bathroom at his girlfriend's Bethany's apartment when he noticed one of those little pregnancy test things, tucked behind the cupboard...

... he picked it up carefully with his trunk and peered at the little window with a racing heart...

Positive! ... Brenda was pregnant!

OMG... fear, excitement, shock... and yet more worrying "why hasn't she told me?"

A hundred scenarios raced through his head, his ears trembling, his trunk twitching as each played out...

Finally he calmed... maybe she was waiting for the right moment to tell him the news?

He chose to be patient... he watched her carefully the whole day, carefully avoiding anything that might show that he knew... but Bethany gave no hints whatsoever.

Several days went by, and he grew more and more anxious.

Finally, he could take it no longer...

"Bethany..." he said

"It's time we discussed the elephant in the womb".

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fractiousrhubarb
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03 2020
🚨︎ report
"Have you ever done anything good?" St. Peter asked a guy when he showed up at the Pearly Gates. "To protect a young girl I punched the leader of a motorcycle gang, kicked his bike over, and told them all to back off!" said the man. St. Peter was impressed, "When did you do this?"

"Oh, just a couple of minutes ago."

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Sep 22 2019
🚨︎ report
What brand of car do young sheep prefer to drive?

Lamborghini

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Joesdad65
πŸ“…︎ Aug 26 2020
🚨︎ report
Saw an accident at a farm and then noticed two young sheep charging there with sirens on their heads.

They were the lamb-ulance

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kishenoy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My young cousin showed me a stuffed lion wearing a tux.

Told me it’s a β€œdandy-lion”.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BHarcade
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
🚨︎ report
When I was a young boy, I was walking down a gravel road with my grandpa. I accidentally slipped and fell to the ground, cutting my knees. Grandpa gently bent down and began to clean the wound, removing the little pebbles now embedded in my skin as I cried...

I'd always heard adults talk about it, but I finally knew what they were talking about.

I'll never forget the pain of my first kid knee stones...

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04 2020
🚨︎ report
Yesterday I met Sally, a young woman who operates a battery kiosk at our local community park.

Sally sells C-cells by the Seesaw.

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonfmly
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
🚨︎ report
How did young Gorbachev know he was doing well in Communist school?

He got high Marx.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MGreenMN
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12 2020
🚨︎ report
Where does the army put young soldiers?

The infantry.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/labink
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2020
🚨︎ report
When I was young my parents sent me to a child psychologist

That kid didn’t help at all

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TheScavanger314
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2020
🚨︎ report
My son joined a group of people that are sexually attracted to young horses.

I'm worried he may be in a colt

πŸ‘︎ 118
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/JCokeDaKilla
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21 2020
🚨︎ report
#Why didn't the dad let his young boy have the chocolate he wanted?#

Because it was too dark

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/garavstar
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31 2020
🚨︎ report
A photo of a young Walken, cooler? Some would say he’s cooler now.
πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Irv-Elephant
πŸ“…︎ May 22 2020
🚨︎ report
A young man wants to become a lumberjack, so he goes to the forest and starts chopping.

After a few days of doing this, he realizes he is simply not fit for this type of job. On his final day of trying to chop down trees, he notices an old scrawny man chopping down trees as if he was a woodpecker, the amount of hits he made grew more and more each swing. The first swing was one hit, the next, ten hits, the next one, a hundred hits, and the next one after that, a thousand. He kept swinging until the tree he was swinging at was chopped down. Amazed, the young man walks over to the old man and asks, "Sir, what is your secret, how do you chop them down so quickly?"

The old man turns and says, "It's all about the rhythm." Puzzled by the old man's answer, the young man returned home pondering what he said.

The next morning, he was motivated to keep trying to be a lumberjack. "If an old scrawny man can do it, so can I!" he thought.

So he went back to the forest, and tried to use his advice. Trying to time each swing, he realizes this simply doesn't work. Later in the day, he sees the old man again, comes up to him, and asks, "I tried to time my swings, but it does no more than just chopping normally. How do you do it?"

"You can't just make up any old rhythm and follow it, you have to find a very specific one," he says, "you have to find the Logger-rhythm."

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MaximusMatrix
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my wife I had the body of a young muscled and sexy man, she laughed real hard and me fun of me

Until she looked in the closet

πŸ‘︎ 58
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FarmingFriend
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I told my son that he is too young to get a girlfriend...

So he got a boyfriend instead

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stonks_man2020
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16 2020
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.