Bcz of pier pressure
It's April fools!
I told her she needed to listen to less cardiB and start doing more cardiO
Donatello
I caught him masticating
She can't even.
Always rolling their I's instead of their R's.
Because OMG they can’t even.
Because they can't even.
“Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.”
Cuz they like can’t even
....First he goes to rent a tux, but there’s a long tux line at the shop and it takes forever.
Next, he has to get some flowers, so he heads over to the florist and there’s a huge flower line there. He waits forever but eventually gets the flowers.
Then he heads out to rent a limo. Unfortunately, there’s a large limo line at the rental office, but he’s patient and gets the job done.
Finally, the day of the prom comes. The two are dancing happily and his girlfriend is having a great time. When the song is over, she asks him to get her some punch, so he heads over to the punch table and there’s no punchline.
Sticky Notes
He asks her out, and he needs to plan, so first, he needs his tuxedo.
So he goes to the tuxedo shop, and there's a huge line of people there, so he waits for 30 minutes, then an hour, and he finally gets his tuxedo.
Then, he needs to rent a limo, to look nice and formal and everything, so he walks into the limo rental shop, and again, there's a huge line, so he waits for 30 minutes and then an hour goes by, then 2, and he finally gets his limo.
On the night of the prom, he pulls up to her house with the limo, and she gets in, and on their way to the prom building, a huge traffic jam happens! So they wait, and then 30 minutes goes by, then an hour, and they finally arrive at the building!
So they walk in, take some pictures, and dance for a bit, and after a while, the girl asks, "hey can you get us some punch?"
So the boy walks over to the punch bowl and guess what?
There's no punchline.
Especially when you're a teenage male.
"Your son has what we call a lazy eye," said the doctor.
"Oh dear," I answered, "it's obviously spread from the rest of his body."
I told her I thought it was a bug bite and she asked 'But where did I get bitten?' and I said 'On your hand.' :D She even laughed! True story!
We never made it.
Teenage Mutant Ninja Puns
Me: Hey, have you seen the last east episode of TMNT?
Friend: Yeah, I have! It was turtally awesome!
Me: ...Are you seriously gonna keep reusing that one, or should I expect something new? You’ve been using that one for awhile.
Friend: Oh, I’m sorry, do you want me to shell out some more puns? I’ve got a million of 'em, folks! I’ll be here all week!
Me: sighs in exasperation
"Wow! I didn't think you'd like rap music!"
"I didn't, either," the old man replied. "It all started after my hip op".
And I always reply 'with your eyes, silly!'
He has a diary, a tiara, a special cup, a pet he adores, and an obsession with a famous teenage boy.
I have no idea why he hates bees so much.
A sigh borg.
I replied, "My apologies I mistook you for my daughter, have a good day Pregnant."
My son and I were in Lids picking out a nice hat for a Christmas present. We wanted to see one on the top rack so the employee grabbed her little hook tool to grab it. Well, she dropped it on the floor... I told my son "I think we can get it for dirty percent off!" My son smirked and laughed just barely but started saying no dad, just no. I was pretty proud of myself!
And her dad walks in.
"Dad I'm sorry" says the girl.
"Hi sorry I'm Dad" says the dad.
The dad then turns to her boyfriend and asks "Are you fucking sorry?"
I replied "I think it's gonna be a long, long time"
At her parent's house. Her father, after being woken by the noises, goes upstairs to check it out; and walks in on them. "Dad!" she exclaimed in a panic "...I'm sorry" The dad being, a dad, replies "hi sorry, I'm Dad!" He then turns to the boyfriend and asks "Are you *fucking* sorry?"
Hogworts.
He goes to get her a drink, but comes back empty-handed.
"Wow, that's the punch line?"
She laughed at me, and said
"Oh dad you're so old. Just use my phone."
So I slammed her phone against the wall to kill a spider.
I told her that is her PUNishment..
She said "You keep telling me to read this book. How about it?"
I said "It's a good book, though a bit arid."
Voice Quacks
So I went to the drug store and bought him the best Axe Scent money can buy!
I might have to deal with him later.
Driving down the highway, when I saw a car carrying a bicycle on a bike rack. The bike was missing its front wheel.
Me: Glad to see that bike is well rested. Son: What do you mean? Me: It's not two tired.
I grinned all the way home, while he just kept rolling his eyes, pretending it wasn't funny.
Bruh, bruh, bruh
“Oh, he will, sweetheart, he will.”
Because they can't even.
April, you fools.
Because they can't even.
at her parent's house. Her father after being woken by the noises goes upstairs to check it out,and walks in on them.
"Dad!", she exclaimed in panic "... I'm sorry" The dad being a dad replies, "hi sorry, I'm Dad!"
He then turns to the boyfriend and asks "Are you fucking sorry?"
