Old pun, new format.
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︎ Jun 26 2020
2 old puns are better than 1, drawings by friend at work
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︎ Jun 16 2018
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︎ Jun 12 2015
What is an Air Fryer's favorite food? (Courtesy of my 6 year old)
Air-vrything.
I'm so proud.
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︎ Dec 26 2020
My 6 year old just told me this joke... What's stronger than a fortune cookie?
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︎ Dec 21 2020
I can't stop thinking about Bruce willis movies. I guess old habits
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︎ Jan 19 2021
My 5 year old got me with this one:
5yo: Why did the chicken cross the road?
Me: Why?
5yo: To get to the dummy's house.
Me:...
5yo:...
Me:...
5yo: Knock Knock.
Me: Who's there?
5yo: The chicken.
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︎ Jan 20 2021
A friend of mine went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb.
He just can't part with it.
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︎ Nov 19 2020
I said I was sad to have to go back to work on Monday after a long break. My four year old without missing a beat said...
Daddy, you're sad because it's SADurday.
I was so proud.
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︎ Jan 02 2021
Because of his enormous debt, Old McDonald has to sell his farm.
To cover what he e-i-e-i owes.
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︎ Jan 05 2021
How do you buy a cat, if the pet store is closed.( Made by my 5 year old niece)
You buy it from the cat-alogue
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︎ Jan 21 2021
A darker one my 10 year old dropped on me... (possibly triggering)
She could see I was stressed out with work and she and I have a very dark sense of humour.
Hey Dad, you ok?
Yeah li'l beat just over worker and tired and stressed about the holidays.
"hey dad, lots of men struggle with mental health don't worry about it too much, Robin Williams and Kurt Cobain daughters turned out just fine."
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︎ Dec 23 2020
What a grape idea for an old meme.
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︎ Jan 25 2021
From my 3yo: what do you call a 100-year-old ant?
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︎ Jan 22 2021
Old Gold
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︎ Oct 09 2020
Just got this one from my 90 year old grandma: when does a joke become a dad joke?
... when it is full groan!
(Glad she still has her sense of humor at her age; gives me hope for my future!)
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︎ Jan 22 2021
From my 10-year-old: "Daddy, what has it's bottom at the top?"
"I don't know, bud, what?"
"Your legs."
Well done, kid.
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︎ Oct 01 2020
What's orange and sounds like a Parrot? (courtesy of a 9 year old)
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︎ Jan 05 2021
Proud dad moment: My five year old and I were discussing Halloween candy. I told him I like Kit-Kats.
He picked out a Butterfinger from his bag, held it up, and said βKit-Kats are good but these are butter.β
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︎ Nov 09 2020
Ordering pizza with my 3 year old.
Me: do you want ranch or blue cheese?
3yr old: ranch is for horses
Little guy Caught me off guard lol
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︎ Jan 04 2021
My girlfriend asked if we could have an old movie night and watch βGaslightβ
I told her βwe already watched that together, donβt you remember?β
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︎ Sep 14 2020
Did you know Danny DeVito has a cousin from the old west?
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︎ Jan 12 2021
Why do old pirates sometimes walk with a limp?
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︎ Jan 16 2021
You know you're getting old when...
You go from hip-hopping, to hip popping.
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︎ Jan 05 2021
My 4-year-old son has been learning Spanish all year and he still can't say the word, please.
which I think is poor for four.
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︎ Nov 28 2020
Today I got out-dad joked by a 2 year old
I asked my daughter if she was hungry and she said "No, I'm Charlotte".
I'm so proud of her, but also I had been waiting to do the whole hi hungry, I'm dad bit to her when I thought she was old enough to get it. Now I feel like I've missed that window
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︎ Aug 30 2020
My 7 year old nephew showed me with pride the "telephone" he had just made from a string and two tin cans. I pulled out my iPhone and said, "That's nice, but..."
"Look at what kids your age make in China!"
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︎ Dec 25 2020
From my 11 year old daughter. Did you hear the one about the man with the broken hearing aids?
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︎ Dec 31 2020
My 4 year old just told her first dad joke, and I've never been more proud.
My pregnant wife is wearing a white shirt that has a pumpkin painted over her belly, for Halloween. We are having another little girl, and have set on the name Ellie.
My daughter comes home, and is greeted by my wife.
4yo: "I like your shirt mama!
Wife: "Aww thank you! Do you like my pumpkin belly?
4yo: "...I like your pumpkin Ellie!"
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︎ Oct 31 2020
Iβm so old
I remember when the Dead Sea was just sick!
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︎ Jan 10 2021
An old woman flew overseas for the first time.
She said it was an uplifting experience
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︎ Jan 25 2021
My 9 year old told me this....What do you get when you cross a pig and an oven ??
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︎ Dec 22 2020
Have you heard of the 9 year old kid that went missing?
Apparently he was last seen applying a cream that made him 10 years younger
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︎ Jan 26 2021
I was gutted this afternoon when my wife told me my 5 year old son wasn't actually mine.
She then said I need to pay more attention at school pick up.
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︎ Sep 30 2020
From my 10 yr old. "WHY DID THE CHICKEN CROSS THE PLAYGROUND?"
To get to the other slide
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︎ Jan 18 2021
Why did the old man fall in the well?
Because he couldn't see that well!
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︎ Jan 05 2021
My dad always used to say βout with the old and in with the newβ.
Lovely man, terrible antiques dealer...
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︎ Jan 02 2021
Old programmers never die
They just don't C as well.
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︎ Jan 25 2021
Why do old people constantly play golf?
So they can lower their amount of strokes
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︎ Jan 25 2021
I ran out of toilet paper, so I had use old newspapers...
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︎ Dec 28 2020
I called an old college classmate and asked what he was doing.
He replied that he was working on "Aqua-thermal treatment of ceramics, aluminum and steel under a constrained environment."
I was impressed...Upon further inquiry, I learned that he was washing dishes, with hot water, under his wifeβs supervision.
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︎ Jan 01 2021
If the old adage "You are what you eat." was actually true, what food would rappers never eat?
An orange, because they don't rhyme.
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︎ Dec 24 2020
My 9 year old wanted me to post her joke here!
What does it mean when you find horseshoes?
It means a horse is walking round in its socks!
I am so proud of her!
Edit: wording.
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︎ Jul 27 2020
My 11 year old: Who is the leader of all tissues?
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︎ Dec 20 2020
I spent a solid month stitching together old wristwatches to make a belt
It was a waist of time...
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︎ Jan 13 2021
From my 70 year old dad: I hung up a map of the US in the kitchen and gave my wife a dart. I told her we would go on a two week vacation wherever she stuck the dart.
Looks like weβll be spending two weeks behind the fridge.
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︎ Dec 13 2020
Eating lunch when my 5 year old hits me with this
Me: good grief in full
5 year old: Hi Full, I'm Miriam!
Never been so proud of her in my life.
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︎ Jan 13 2021
My buddy went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb with him.
He just can't part with it.
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︎ Jan 09 2021
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