It just goes right over their heads
He goes to the doctor to discuss his depression. When he arrives back home he has a huge smile on his face. He rushed past his wife and heads into the basement, where he immediately starts tinkering with a brand new invention.
His wife comes downstairs, gives the invention a once-over, then asks "What on earth is this thing, and how this supposed to help your depression?".
"Honey, the doctor told me working on this should have me feeling better in no time!" replies the man. He then proceeds to describe in detail how the machine cracks eggs, steams them, and flips them out onto a plate in under a minute, all at the touch of a button.
"But what on earth does this have to do with your depression? What did that quack doctor tell you to do?" asks the wife
The man replies: "He told me to work on my self egg-steam".
I think she's going to take me up on it.
They repeatedly tapped their screens... Read more
Dino-SARS
Thank you for coming to my TαΊΏt talk.
He had no idea he had started a turf war.
A senΓ΅r citizen
How was I supposed to know sheβd never driven a bus before?
Harold.
"Wow! I didn't think you'd like rap music!"
"I didn't, either," the old man replied. "It all started after my hip op".
He gave sage advice.
They made it Up.
Papa Razzi
He picks up the ketchup bottle, glances at it and gives a hearty chuckle before slathering his brat in ketchup.
Puzzled, the woman watches as the next customer, a young girl, walks up to order her hot dog.
As she takes the container of relish, she bursts into a fit of giggles and walks off with her food, still laughing merrily.
A middle-aged man steps up next. Shoveling sauerkraut onto his hot dog, he laughs uproariously and walks away grinning.
When she reaches the front of the line, the woman asks the hot dog vendor,
βExcuse me, sir, but why does everyone laugh when they get their hot dogs?β
βItβs simple, maβam.β he says, handing her a piping-hot sausage. βIβm surprised you havenβt discovered for yourself.β
Glancing at the mustard, the woman lets loose a peal of laughter.
βYa see, maβam? The real_jokeβs always in the condiments!"
The other couldnβt reach.
Fall.
That old lady was off her rocker!
Old Yeller
So I pushed her over.
Seated at the bar is an elderly lady, mid eighties.
The gentleman walks over, sits along side of her, orders a drink, takes a sip, turns to her and says, "So tell me, do I come here often?"
I can't wait to put E.I.E.I.O. on my resume!
Hip-pop!
Deaf defying!
My job is in raisin awareness.
is walking in St. Petersburg Square one cold evening, when a light precipitation begins to fall.
"It looks like rain", said the man.
"Oh no dear, it's definitely snow. Look at the way it blows in the light", said the woman.
The man turns to his wife and says, "Let's ask the military officer over there. Officer Rudolph, is it raining or snowing?"
"Definitely rain, sir!"
"See, Rudolph the Red knows rain, dear!"
What a Gentle.... Moment!
But the two elderly men were speaking a foreign language.
After a few minutes of silently watching them, my friend finally asks me: "Is that Russian?"
"No," I replied, "it's Czech, Mate."
Standing in line at the grocery store with an eldary couple standing just behind me I heard the following conversation. Man: (He notices the strawberries on display) Oh look, they have strawberries. (extends his arm to pick up a box) Woman: They're not local, they're probably Polish or something. Man: I'm going to eat them, not talk to them.
The rhyme of the ancient mariner.
... a load of old codswallop.
I mean, it's getting old.
Near-Death Metal
McCane
I replied "Then stop it..."
But thats just an old wives' tail.
I told them, "It sounds like you need to invest in a mutt plug."
They just shook their head and said that I'm not right.
I was finishing a gig as a fortune teller and in the elevator happy to be going home. An elderly man and his wife joined and he looked at me, smiled, then asked if he could hit me. Confused I laughed and asked why, to which he replied, "I've always been told I should strike a happy medium."
We call it "In Depends Dance Day."
