Just found out my uncle is addicted to viagra

My aunt has been taking it hard

πŸ‘︎ 96
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mitalily
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14
🚨︎ report
I've an uncle who works for the symphonie part-time.

He's a semi-conductor.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14
🚨︎ report
My uncle used to be a rare coin dealer...

Until a group of crooks broke into his shop & beat him 'cent-less'

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Altar-83
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
My uncle just passed away from accidentally drinking wood varnish

It was a sad way to go, but a beautiful finish.

πŸ‘︎ 72
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SparkleFritz
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My Mexican uncle takes anti-anxiety medication.

It’s for Hispanic attacks.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrTomatoHead
πŸ“…︎ Jul 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Let me try uncle gravity next
πŸ‘︎ 90
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My uncle is buying his wife a crane for christmas

He's really upping the ante

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LashGips
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2020
🚨︎ report
My uncle told me this one

Did you know diarrhea is hereditary?

It runs in your genes

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ccssqq2
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I learnt cuss words from my uncle's son

He's always a cousin

πŸ‘︎ 33
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Schrodingers_liar
πŸ“…︎ Nov 24 2020
🚨︎ report
My Mexican Uncle Rito came to visit recently and said its freezing here.

I guess you can call him Burrrrr-rito

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jmar4234
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My Uncle is a cross dresser

It's putting on socks that seems to anger him the most.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/WhoElseButAlf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about what happened your sweaty uncle?

He has a wife now, and her name is Aunty Perspirant

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/techtornado
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend’s parrot lost his beak in a fan accident and he wanted to find a prosthetic. I sent him to my Uncle Tony.

He fits the bill.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sbatio
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m worried about volunteering to help my uncle at work tomorrow at the coroner’s office

It’s a pretty big undertaking

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Axnjxn_55
πŸ“…︎ Nov 29 2020
🚨︎ report
Joke from my great uncle: You know that movie "Constipation" that was supposed to come out this year?

It didn't.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Facist_Potato
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
My great uncle died from drinking furniture polish

It was a slow death, but a beautiful finish.

πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/towntown1337
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
When my uncle worked at the iron mill he made a fortune sneaking out material that he could sell. One can say he was very good at steeling.
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rattatamj
πŸ“…︎ Oct 25 2020
🚨︎ report
My uncle smokes and loves David Bowie:

We call him Ciggy Stardust.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/the_houser
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
My uncle's friend won the Olympic gold with an epee made from a disposable thin metal sheet often used in cooking...

It was a good aluminum foil

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm technically an uncle, but my niece laughed so...

Did you hear about the Cockatiel that was trying to find a new home for his family? He zipped back and forth everywhere, but couldn't find a good spot anywhere. Then he came across a bear, sleeping flat of his back with his mouth wide open. Not recognizing what it was, he thought the bear's mouth would be the perfect spot for a nest. He gathered his family and they all got to work building a new home for themselves, but then the bear woke up. Realizing what was going on, he politely informed them that he couldn't let them nest in his mouth. He hated to do it, but it was quite the bird den to bear.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shatari
πŸ“…︎ Nov 10 2020
🚨︎ report
My uncle died due to drinking furniture polish...

...it was a slow death, but a beautiful finish

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gingernuts13
πŸ“…︎ Sep 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My Uncle had an indoor pumpkin farm.

He had a real gourd complex.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ska_For_Brains
πŸ“…︎ Oct 01 2020
🚨︎ report
My uncle told me about other countries that chew leather instead of gum

Must be tough.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/kesavadh
πŸ“…︎ Oct 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My uncle is really good at fishing. He always knows exactly what kind of worm to put on his fishing hook, in order to catch the desired kind of fish.

One might say he is a master baiter.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/assafstone
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2020
🚨︎ report
My uncle was crushed by a piano....

His funeral was very low key

πŸ‘︎ 144
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2020
🚨︎ report
There's a variant of the dad joke which is called the uncle joke

The punchline might not be apparent but at least it's all groan up

πŸ‘︎ 23
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gssn-nospace
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My uncle once had a 24-hour epileptic episode.

Now that's what I call seizing the day.

πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jazst
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
🚨︎ report
My great uncle died making butter on his farm last week.

It was a really unfortunate churn of events.

πŸ‘︎ 585
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Trailsend85
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2020
🚨︎ report
My uncle died in a building-collapse.

He was very down to earth.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/nikshay05
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
🚨︎ report
My uncle drink dialed me the other night and told me he was going on an exclusively almond diet.

I said, "That's just nuts."

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/boodahbellie
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06 2020
🚨︎ report
The guy who colors the cloth quit my uncle's factory without warning.

My uncle's in dyer need.

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2020
🚨︎ report
What's the difference between a dad joke and an uncle joke?

Whether you groan or moan

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My uncle always jokes that reaching the remote is middle aged yoga.

I say, Yoga?! Pff, that’s a stretch.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/exaball
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
My uncle was a ventriloquist dummy. He died drinking furniture polish.

It was a slow death but a beautiful finish.

Heard this one on Whose Line last night. Credit to Ryan Stiles.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Mosk915
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear that they are going to change the Uncle Ben’s logo?

It’s because everyone thought it was ricest.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/8910ben
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28 2020
🚨︎ report
My uncle moved to Spain to sing on stage by night and sell UPVC windows by day. He changed his name to....

Enrique Doubleglazius.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thisispeculiar
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My uncle was found dead inside his matress

I guess you can say he was embedded

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Adorm_Snormp
πŸ“…︎ May 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My uncle's wife started a pet store that specialized in one breed of dog only...

She closed due to terrier-able sales.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I heard that Marvel is now sponsoring Uncle Ben's rice and changing the picture to Peter Parker's uncle.

The new slogan is "With great power comes great rice possibilities."

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jurassicbond
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2020
🚨︎ report
My wise uncle willed his frontal and occipital lobes to his son...

He had good presents of mind.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2020
🚨︎ report
My uncle worked for a newspaper's crossword puzzle team, but only contributed one awesome clue in his career...

He was a one-hint wonder!

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 16 2020
🚨︎ report
After my uncle had his arm amputated, he named his nub β€œSaturday.”

He said it was his weak end.

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
🚨︎ report
I knew this girl who wanted bigger boobs, but couldn't afford proper implants, so she had her uncle make her a false set out of pine.Would be great if I had a punchline to go with that though,

Would be great if I had a punchline to go with that though, wooden tit?

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IAMBiSH
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2020
🚨︎ report
My Mexican uncle takes anti-anxiety medication

It's for Hispanic attacks

πŸ‘︎ 67
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/a_L_v_e_S
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
My uncle smokes and loves David Bowie:

We call him Ciggy Stardust.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/argotrevor
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report

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