Just found out my uncle is addicted to viagra
My aunt has been taking it hard
I've an uncle who works for the symphonie part-time.
My uncle used to be a rare coin dealer...
Until a group of crooks broke into his shop & beat him 'cent-less'
My uncle just passed away from accidentally drinking wood varnish
It was a sad way to go, but a beautiful finish.
My Mexican uncle takes anti-anxiety medication.
It’s for Hispanic attacks.
Let me try uncle gravity next
My uncle is buying his wife a crane for christmas
He's really upping the ante
My uncle told me this one
Did you know diarrhea is hereditary?
It runs in your genes
I learnt cuss words from my uncle's son
My Mexican Uncle Rito came to visit recently and said its freezing here.
I guess you can call him Burrrrr-rito
My Uncle is a cross dresser
It's putting on socks that seems to anger him the most.
Did you hear about what happened your sweaty uncle?
He has a wife now, and her name is Aunty Perspirant
My friend’s parrot lost his beak in a fan accident and he wanted to find a prosthetic. I sent him to my Uncle Tony.
I’m worried about volunteering to help my uncle at work tomorrow at the coroner’s office
It’s a pretty big undertaking
Joke from my great uncle: You know that movie "Constipation" that was supposed to come out this year?
My great uncle died from drinking furniture polish
It was a slow death, but a beautiful finish.
When my uncle worked at the iron mill he made a fortune sneaking out material that he could sell. One can say he was very good at steeling.
My uncle smokes and loves David Bowie:
We call him Ciggy Stardust.
My uncle's friend won the Olympic gold with an epee made from a disposable thin metal sheet often used in cooking...
It was a good aluminum foil
I'm technically an uncle, but my niece laughed so...
Did you hear about the Cockatiel that was trying to find a new home for his family? He zipped back and forth everywhere, but couldn't find a good spot anywhere. Then he came across a bear, sleeping flat of his back with his mouth wide open. Not recognizing what it was, he thought the bear's mouth would be the perfect spot for a nest. He gathered his family and they all got to work building a new home for themselves, but then the bear woke up. Realizing what was going on, he politely informed them that he couldn't let them nest in his mouth. He hated to do it, but it was quite the bird den to bear.
My Uncle had an indoor pumpkin farm.
He had a real gourd complex.
My uncle told me about other countries that chew leather instead of gum
My uncle is really good at fishing. He always knows exactly what kind of worm to put on his fishing hook, in order to catch the desired kind of fish.
One might say he is a master baiter.
My uncle was crushed by a piano....
His funeral was very low key
There's a variant of the dad joke which is called the uncle joke
The punchline might not be apparent but at least it's all groan up
My uncle once had a 24-hour epileptic episode.
Now that's what I call seizing the day.
My great uncle died making butter on his farm last week.
It was a really unfortunate churn of events.
My uncle died in a building-collapse.
He was very down to earth.
My uncle drink dialed me the other night and told me he was going on an exclusively almond diet.
I said, "That's just nuts."
The guy who colors the cloth quit my uncle's factory without warning.
What's the difference between a dad joke and an uncle joke?
Whether you groan or moan
My uncle always jokes that reaching the remote is middle aged yoga.
I say, Yoga?! Pff, that’s a stretch.
My uncle was a ventriloquist dummy. He died drinking furniture polish.
It was a slow death but a beautiful finish.
Heard this one on Whose Line last night. Credit to Ryan Stiles.
Did you hear that they are going to change the Uncle Ben’s logo?
It’s because everyone thought it was ricest.
My uncle moved to Spain to sing on stage by night and sell UPVC windows by day. He changed his name to....
My uncle was found dead inside his matress
I guess you can say he was embedded
My uncle's wife started a pet store that specialized in one breed of dog only...
She closed due to terrier-able sales.
I heard that Marvel is now sponsoring Uncle Ben's rice and changing the picture to Peter Parker's uncle.
The new slogan is "With great power comes great rice possibilities."
My wise uncle willed his frontal and occipital lobes to his son...
He had good presents of mind.
My uncle worked for a newspaper's crossword puzzle team, but only contributed one awesome clue in his career...
He was a one-hint wonder!
After my uncle had his arm amputated, he named his nub “Saturday.”
He said it was his weak end.
I knew this girl who wanted bigger boobs, but couldn't afford proper implants, so she had her uncle make her a false set out of pine.Would be great if I had a punchline to go with that though,
Would be great if I had a punchline to go with that though, wooden tit?
My Mexican uncle takes anti-anxiety medication
It's for Hispanic attacks
My uncle smokes and loves David Bowie:
We call him Ciggy Stardust.
My uncle died due to drinking furniture polish...
...it was a slow death, but a beautiful finish
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