Like a good Grandpa I share with my 12 yr old Grandson the amazement of r/dadjokes regularly. He thinks you all are totally cool. I told him there is much power here. How? He asked. Let me demonstrate... With the diahrrea song.. I'll start.

Some people think it's gross but it's really good on toast. Diahrrea...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/tekprojekt
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09
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Grandson: Grandpa, do you wear boxers or briefs?

Grandpa: Depends ...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/baconaboot
πŸ“…︎ Feb 07
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What did the grandfather tell his grandson right before he kicked the can?

Hey look how far I can kick this can

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πŸ‘€︎ u/fizzzingwhizbee
πŸ“…︎ Feb 06
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My grandson put two Goldfish on a piece of bread...

He showed it to me and said β€œI made a fish sandwich.”

The pride was so great, I nearly shed a tear.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheRealBobbyC
πŸ“…︎ Nov 08 2019
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Al Pacino had a grandson recently, but is still steaming at what his parents named him.

Cap Pacino.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2019
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I'm getting older now and my grandson asked me if I talk to myself.

Yes I told him. Whenever I need expert advice.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/manicmoose13
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11 2019
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My Dad on Bob Marley's grandson signing with the Redskins

Of course he is going to get a roster spot. He is already a Rasta

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πŸ‘€︎ u/s1rdanks
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2017
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My name is Jay and we are an Icelandish family. My wife and I could never come up with a name for our son.

So he is called Json

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stent_kush
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12
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I'll always remember what my grandfather said to me just before he kicked the bucket.

He said, "Grandson...How far do you think I can kick this bucket?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Randyaster
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16
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Not that old yet

β€œThis is your great-grandma and great grandpa,” I told my grandson as I handed him a photo of my parents. β€œDo you think I look like them?”

He shook his head. β€œNot yet.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/sugarcube_14
πŸ“…︎ Feb 10
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My Great Uncle's Final Words

My great uncle just passed on Sunday. The family had known for a few days it was near the end. His family gathered around him on his death bed, with some flying in from other states to say their goodbyes.

"Dad," says his daughter, "[Grandson] flew in from San Francisco just to see you."

My great uncle woke up for moment and said, "Boy, his arms must be tired."

Those were his last words.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Composer
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2018
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Son, did you bring your magnet?

Cause that's how we catch steelheads.

Overheard our son asking the grandson when we went fishing this morning.

A proud moment indeed.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DrBvr
πŸ“…︎ Jul 22 2019
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World famous coleslaw

My daughter told me this joke, which I assume she made up on the spot: β€œThere’s this grandma who has a world famous coleslaw recipe. At her family reunion she makes a huge batch. But her grandson, who hates coleslaw, refuses to have any. The grandma gets angry so her grandson gives in, and she heaps a large amount onto his plate. He stares at it sadly and says β€œI fought the slaw and the slaw won.”

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πŸ‘€︎ u/moffitar
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15 2019
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Dad's thoughts on underwear.

Dad: Do you have holes in your underwear?

Me: Uh, no.

Dad: Well then how do you get your legs through?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stinky_cheese
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2013
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This was why I loved my granddad.

Granddad lying in hospital death bed Grandma: "Alright, write your grandson a note for him to remember you by." granddad picks up paper grandma gave him and writes a musical note on it It was his grand finally.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheVault77Dweller
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2013
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Jack and the Beanstalk meets Little Red Riding Hood

This is the story of Jack and the Beanstalk, after the story ends. After chopping down the beanstalk, Jack realizes that he’s actually pretty damn good with an axe, and casual vegetative vandalism really struck his fancy, so he began chopping down other trees for a living. He became a traveling woodsman, and he enjoyed many years of his simple life of manual labor.

One day, as he chops wood, he hears screams from a nearby cottage. Hurriedly breaking in (because recall: jack has no problem with entering houses uninvited), he sees a cross dressing lycanthrope attempting to devour a little girl dressed all in red and her little grandmother too. Wielding his trusty axe, Jack murdered yet another fantasy creature, and safely led Little Red all the way back home. Answering the door was a beautiful woman of around his age. After sending Little Red to bed, the two of them talked for hours.

One thing led to another, and a year later they were married with a child on the way. They had a bea

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/coyoteTale
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2017
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My grandpa's finest moment

I'm out to dinner with my family and my grandpa starts sniffling a bit. So he pulls out one of his super old patterned handkerchiefs and says "my nose keeps running". He then quickly grabs his nose, handkerchief in hand and yells "got it!" super loud in the restaurant were at. While he's laughing at his own joke he goes "that's funny right there" and keeps laughing and partially retelling the joke.

I'm proud to be his grandson.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/spawn1234100
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2015
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I used to work at McDonald's.

This older guy came in with his grandson and paid with a $100. As is policy, I had to use the marker to make sure it was real and look for the line. I asked someone to get me a marker, and the grandpa says, "I promise it's good, made it last night!"

It's nice when people have a sense of humor.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/StrawberrieDream
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2013
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My dad was looking at some photos...

…when his grandson asks him, "where am I?" My dad replies, "you're right here" while at the same time pointing at his grandson irl. He never ceases to amaze me.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/python935
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2016
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Another gem from my dad

A grandfather is talking to his grandson in the den. He is reminiscing being a former paratrooper for the military. He began to tell his grandson the first time he had to jump out of a plane.

Grandfather: "Well there we were in the plane as the sergeant opened the door of the plane. He began yelling Go! Go! Go! And one by one troopers began jumping out. When the sergeant yelled for me to jump I couldn't do it, I was too scared. The sergeant then looked at me and says private if you don't jump I'm gonna fuck you in the ass."

Grandson looks up at grandfather and asks: "Well did you jump grandpa."

To which the grandfather replies: "A little at first."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cdub609
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2014
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Dad got me good at the Phillies/Mets game tonight

He says "He's not just a Grandson he's a Granderson"

For those that don't know the mets have an outfielder with the last Granderson.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ajwerth
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2016
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Grandpa showing us all how it's done

Grandson: I've never had a rib eye steak before. What's the difference?

Grandpa: This one winks at ya!

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πŸ“…︎ Jun 10 2015
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My almost 2 year old just got me

Today is my father's birthday so naturally we wanted his grandson, my son to tell him happy birthday on the phone. For some reason he was being super quiet. I kept saying "Say happy birthday to Papa, say happy birthday" Nope, nothin, nada. I say again "Say happy birthday silence.....say anything"

My son "Anything"

He's going to be a great Dad

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πŸ‘€︎ u/paraord
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2015
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Overheard a good one in the waiting room

I was sat a few seats away from a man and his son/grandson and he was testing the kid on his math.

Man: "what's 2+2"
Kid: "4"
Man: "what's 4+4"
Kid: "8"
Man: what's 8+8"
Kid: "16"

This continued all the way up to 2048

Man: "okay then... if you have two yards, what have you got?"
Kid: "umm.... two metres?... a metre?"
Man: "no, you have a back yard and a front yard"

I let out a little chuckle but the kid didn't seem to enjoy it as much

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πŸ‘€︎ u/benji9t3
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2014
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Dad Joked my two year old...

My father was playing with my two year old son (his grandson) in the yard and was talking to him about birds when they spotted a hummingbird. They were a little ways away from us and didnt even realize that I could hear them talking. My father says... "do you know hummingbirds hum?" to my two year old. Of course my two year, who is just learning to talk, didn't really have a reply. My father then says "CAUSE THEY DONT KNOW THE WORDS". Then he laughed and laughed while my two year old stared at him. Groans could be heard from across the yard.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/bobbyflorentine
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2014
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I did it! I dadjoked my grandfather

I was wearing odd socks

Nonno: They are an odd pair of socks

Me: Yeah I have another pair just like it at home

I'm pretty sure I'm now the favourite grandson

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πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2014
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The foot massage

Note: even though my great grandmother made this joke I feel it was dad-joke worthy.

While visiting my great grandmother (she's 96 yrs old during this time) recently she asked my dad for a foot massage, my dad happily obliged. She told him that he'd made her so proud in life to have a grandson like him and how wonderful he is while receiving the foot massage. My dad have the best massage he could muster for a good 30 minutes before he was too tired to continue. When my dad had finished massaging her feet he asked "how was that grandma?" Which she replied with "I haven't felt anything in my feet in 10 years" then she burst out laughing to the best that her health would allow. She passed away a few weeks later, she always played jokes on us even to her last days. Thanks for reading.

Rest in peace great grandma

TL:DR grandma needs new legs.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ieatyouretrash
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2013
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Fell into a generational dad joke pattern

My dad passed recently. He was the king of the silly sayings.

Was taking my grandson to go ice skating. We were running late and caught myself saying "We're off, like a herd of turtles!". Something my dad used to say ALL the time. Made me nostalgic...

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ssn697
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2014
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My father's customer

My father runs a smoke shop in a small town. A young man comes in, and my father introduces him to me as the grandson of two of his other customers whom I have meet previously.

'Red, this it Ty, he's the grandson of Bob and Greg.'

Red: 'Bob and Greg are married?'

My son witnessed it, but I fear he may have been too young to remember this moment.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/red3biggs
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2014
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