My daughter came into my "home office" (closet) and said, "You wanna hear a joke?" I told her that I did

Daughter: "Quarantine."

Me: . . .

Daughter: "You don't get it. It's an inside joke."

πŸ‘︎ 14k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hayeshilton
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08
🚨︎ report
I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. "It’s true!"

"When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"

πŸ‘︎ 16k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26
🚨︎ report
So today my five-year-old daughter made me proud...

She was eating watermelon, and she wanted to know how much it cost. (She's obsessed with prices lately.) I asked her how much she thought it cost, and she said, "I don't know, a melon dollars?"

πŸ‘︎ 17k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RealTheAsh
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21
🚨︎ report
I gave my daughter a watch for her birthday. She thought it was so cool and when she showed it to the next door neighbor, he asked, "That's a pretty watch you've got there! Does it tell you the time?"

She laughed and said, "No, this is an old-fashioned watch! You have to look at it!"

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24
🚨︎ report
What did the the drummer call his twin daughters?

Anna one, Anna two!

πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/liverpool135
πŸ“…︎ Jul 11
🚨︎ report
My daughter had a horrible peak-a-boo accident

Now she’s in the ICU

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yousuchafukinhoe
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24
🚨︎ report
So proud of my daughter for this one... "Why do fishes swim in salt water?"

Because pepper would make them sneeze!

She's six. She's awesome.

EDIT: Woo highest rated post, thanks to my kid. Also, I never said she wrote it! She just told it to me. So there.

πŸ‘︎ 16k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/evanphi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03
🚨︎ report
So proud of my daughter, who ran upstairs to tell me our downstairs toilet was smoking.

She seemed really, really scared. When I told her I couldn’t smell smoke, she showed me this picture: https://imgur.com/gallery/RbplooY, giggling like crazy.

Chip off the old block she is!

Edit: thank you so much for my first ever award!!!

πŸ‘︎ 627
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/superdad0206
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03
🚨︎ report
My 10 year old daughter wanted to attend a musical, But I forbid her from going

It had lots of sax and violins.

πŸ‘︎ 139
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08
🚨︎ report
I quizzed my daughter, "If there’s a bee in my hand, what’s in my eye?" Reluctantly, she admitted, "I have no idea. What?" I chuckled...

"Beauty, because beauty is in the eye of the bee-holder!"

πŸ‘︎ 358
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23
🚨︎ report
My 8yr old daughter got me with "I can breathe under water"

She filled a cup of water placed it on her head and began to violently and rapidly breathe in and out. The force is strong with her.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/theevildave
πŸ“…︎ May 13
🚨︎ report
I tried to talk to my daughter about her chicken nuggets obsession, it didn't go well.

It was a tender subject.

πŸ‘︎ 188
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ajmansell
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02
🚨︎ report
My daughter really changed a lot after becoming a vegan.

It’s like I’ve never seen herbivore.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bbbbra
πŸ“…︎ May 18
🚨︎ report
My wife tried to unlatch our daughter's car seat with one hand and said, "How do one armed mothers do it?"

Without missing a beat I replied, "Single handedly."

πŸ‘︎ 79
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ogury
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04
🚨︎ report
My daughter called me in a panic and asked, "Dad! My car just broke down! What should I do!?" I replied calmly...

"Whisper it some words of encouragement!"

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08
🚨︎ report
Daughters boyfriend introduced himself to me he said "Hi sir I'm david, nice to meet you".

He put out his hand and I said "David are you nervous?" He said no so I grabbed his hand looked him in the eyes and said "then why are you shaking?"

πŸ‘︎ 28k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fartingpinetree
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07
🚨︎ report
My daughter refused to go to bed on time.

I told her she’d be booked for resisting a rest.

πŸ‘︎ 116
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ROLO_V13
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10
🚨︎ report
My daughter inadvertantly came up with this one today:

I was putting spray-on sunscreen onto my (not slim) belly and my daughter, seeing the can and not remembering the correct word said, "hey, it's just like grafatty!). I couldn't stop laughing for a solid 5 minutes. I will never be able to put sunscreen on without thinking of that again.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rethinkthegrid
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04
🚨︎ report
I like to play this game with my daughter it's called "hide and seek."

She hides, and then I see how high I can count (out loud) before she gets annoyed and comes out to complain about the game.

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aelbaum
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21
🚨︎ report
My daughter was having a pretend dinner party with her teddy bear, when she asked, β€œDo you want anything to eat, Mr. Bear?” In my best bear voice, I replied...

β€œNo thanks, I’m stuffed!"

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20
🚨︎ report
Proud dad moment. Joke from my soon to be 6 year old daughter. β€œHow did the bee get to school?”

β€œOn the buzzzzz.” So proud.

πŸ‘︎ 520
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hardcoredad
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18
🚨︎ report
My daughter just dropped a dad joke that made me super proud.

We're celebrating my daughter's 4th birthday party today. She puts her giant number 4 balloon on her head, turns to me and says "Look daddy, it's a four-head!"

πŸ‘︎ 655
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PsychicGnome
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14
🚨︎ report
I ran into the vets this morning and said to the blonde receptionist, "Quick, I think my daughters hamster is in serious trouble".

"Hamster?" she laughed, "That's a snake".

πŸ‘︎ 48
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 17
🚨︎ report
Me: I had no idea our daughter would go this far.

My husband: I know, this trebuchet is amazing. Let's get our son!

πŸ‘︎ 68
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/SatanicalBitch
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13
🚨︎ report
So, in the Bible, Lot's daughters got him drunk and had sex with him, ultimately getting pregnant...

I bet Lot's wife was salty when she found out.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vegus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 06
🚨︎ report
I told my daughter I wasn’t going to make a joke about the farmers crops

It would be corny anyway

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jcmatthews66
πŸ“…︎ Aug 03
🚨︎ report
So my daughter is clearing the table and holds her cup above her head and says "Dad look..."

"I'm breathing underwater."

I've never been prouder.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03
🚨︎ report
My daughter was particularly grumpy one morning even after breakfast. I gave her a single piece of crushed ice. "What's this?" she asked,

A chill pill.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mahstir
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12
🚨︎ report
My daughter told me she was really cold today

I told her to stand in the corner because it's 90 degrees

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/redditstrawberry7
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04
🚨︎ report
My 4 year old daughter came crying that she couldn't find her Barbie dolls. Apparently, my 2 year old son threw them in fire last night for fun.

Barbiecued.

πŸ‘︎ 75
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stent_kush
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13
🚨︎ report
My daughter really wanted to tell a dad joke.

She's 7, here's her attempt:

I saw someone on the couch, with no beard and my husband has a beard and my real husband started screaming "he's trying to steal all your money." That's the joke. Well, it might not be a joke, but it's funny. And then I said "it's you, you idiot, you shaved your beard off." It's a dad joke because it has a dad in it.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CBRN_IS_FUN
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26
🚨︎ report
Finally figured out what to get my daughter for Christmas.

A severed foot. It’s the ultimate stocking stuffer.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porkchop2022
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23
🚨︎ report
My daughter and I went to the grocery store yesterday, and we were amazed by the quality of the produce. We spoke with the Department Manager and offered to buy all of their Romaine

if he'd lettuce

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Derpalupagus
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11
🚨︎ report
I asked my daughter which state she likes most in the USA, but she didn't answer!

It's ok, Alaska again later.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gitrikt
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08
🚨︎ report
My 11yo daughter just made up a joke. What do politicians thing of themselves?

That they're politicool...

Im biased but i think its genius

πŸ‘︎ 12k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Happy1327
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04
🚨︎ report
I think my daughter is a social vegan

She avoids meet

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Water-into-weed
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08
🚨︎ report
Kim has a daughter name North, and North has a leader name Kim.
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tea_kayee
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21
🚨︎ report
So my wife made Middle Eastern falafels last night and I got her with this one, while speaking to my daughter.

β€œDo you feel alright? Gosh I don’t know what your mom put in these things, but I falafel.”

(Falafel β€”> β€œfeel-awful”)

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mmmjr16
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01
🚨︎ report
If I got 5 bucks every time my daughter gave her Barbie a haircut

I'd have a lot of doll hairs

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/haymalb
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04
🚨︎ report
My daughter asked where her toy Cryolophosaurus might be. I suggested...

"Maybe the Mesozoic Era?"

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/xRVAx
πŸ“…︎ Aug 12
🚨︎ report
Daughter, 6, getting her hair brushed this morning: β€œDad, I need a new bum”

Me, eyebrow raised: β€œAnd why is that sweetheart?”

Her: β€œBecause mine has a crack in it!”

I actually laughed. I don’t really know where she heard the joke or if she even knows why it’s funny, but it’s a good start to the day.

Proud dad moment.

πŸ‘︎ 51
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/azureal
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29
🚨︎ report
I took my daughter to a sock puppet theatre...

It was a show of hands...

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RonPossible
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05
🚨︎ report
My neighbor knocked on my door looking for some nutrients and my daughter asked me what to do

I said "well don't just stand there, in vitamin"

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DrDewinYourMom
πŸ“…︎ Aug 10
🚨︎ report
My daughter came up with this one

Hey, do you know where the farm is?

Just around the CORNer.

Super proud.

Yes, we live in Ohio. All the farms here are corn.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ZayroReave
πŸ“…︎ Jul 31
🚨︎ report
My daughter said she was cold in the house.

I told her to go stand in the corner. She asked me why.

I told her because it was 90 degrees.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/juanhundred_
πŸ“…︎ Aug 05
🚨︎ report
6 year old daughter's dad joke

We're watching "The Floor is Lava." One of the contestants is swinging across some bars.

She says, "she must have played on the monkey bars at school when she was a kid."

I say, "a lot of people did. I did."

She says "I played on them when I was a kid too."

That would be earlier today then.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/seanfish
πŸ“…︎ Jul 13
🚨︎ report
I told my daughter, β€œMom keeps asking me if I’m an Alice in Wonderland character and it’s getting really annoying!” She asked, β€œAre you mad at her?”

β€œGeez! Don’t you start too!” I screamed.

πŸ‘︎ 170
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05
🚨︎ report
Commissioner Gordon allowing his own daughter to become a vigilante is the clearest sign of Gotham's descent

into barbaraism.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/overachievingogre
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08
🚨︎ report
My daughter was making some lunch. I asked her what she was making...

Daughter: Nachos

Me: I know it's not for me. I'm just asking what you're making for lunch. Sheesh...

Daughter: <confused> Huh?

Me: I'm just asking you what you're making for lunch.

Daughter: And i told you. Nachos!

Me: You already told me it's not for me. You don't have to be mean about it!

Daughter: <pause> Dang it... <sighs> Go away...

Me: <laughs in dad joke>

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/m1a1vet
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02
🚨︎ report
Had my 12 yr old daughter try burping our newborn son

But while she was doing it he passed gas on her instead.

She went β€œEw” and passed him back.

I told her she was doing it wrong. Patting his back is about getting air out. If you pat him downward you’re pushing it to his bottom.

I then preceded to watch her pat his back in upward motions for 5 minutes while trying not to laugh.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DrFaust07
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24
🚨︎ report
I told my daughter I know everything about Spongebob.

Daughter: sing the theme song

Me: β€˜Who lives in a pineapple under the sea?

SPONGEBOB THATS WHO!

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/face-spunk
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26
🚨︎ report
I was playing the song "In Memory of Elizabeth Reed" by the Allman Brothers for my ten year old daughter. She asked me how long ago I first heard the song. When I told her I heard it when it was first released, 50 years ago, She said,

"Was it called "In Honor of Elizabeth Reed" back then?

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/marycartlizer
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24
🚨︎ report
What did the drummer name his twin daughters?

Anna 1, Anna 2

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/scooby_dyver
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07
🚨︎ report
I warned my daughter about using her whistle inside the house today and gave her one last chance...

Unfortunately, she blew it...

πŸ‘︎ 688
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 21
🚨︎ report
I glanced up, called my daughter over to the computer and said, "Hey, you like jokes right? Come here and check this one out!"

1

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23
🚨︎ report
My daughter got the letters Y and U tattooed on one buttock and the letters L and G tattooed on the other...

It's one messed up, ugly ass tattoo.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29
🚨︎ report
12 year old daughter singing her revised version of β€œCreep” by Radiohead...

β€œI’m a creek. I’m a riverrrrrrrr.”

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cahalenta
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28
🚨︎ report
4 year old daughter gave me her Nintendo switch to charge..

I put it on the ground and backed up. I slowly raised my arm and yelled "chaaaaaarrrrggggeeee" , then I ran at it.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GForce1975
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24
🚨︎ report
My wife said to my thirteen year old daughter, β€œThey covered it with a giant black condom.”

That is it. That is the joke. Welcome to Asheville, NC.

https://www.bpr.org/post/vance-monument-fully-shrouded-lee-marker-removed

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/aplcnlife
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10
🚨︎ report
My Daughter told me yesterday that she was just thankful that I had inspired her to follow her dreams

Actually she just sits around, smokes weed all day and never calls me, but a Dad can dream.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jvanzandd
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03
🚨︎ report
A Father notices his daughter eating Edamame.

Dad: What are you eating?

Girl: Edamame

Dad: Eddie... what?

Girl: Soybeans

Dad: Hola Beans! Soy Dad

...lo siento.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mohawk_ADE
πŸ“…︎ Jul 01
🚨︎ report
I snuck up behind my daughter and whispered, "I think our microwave and our TV are spying on us!!! And I also think our vacuum cleaner..."

"...has been gathering dirt on us for years!"

πŸ‘︎ 99
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 18
🚨︎ report
My depressive daughter said she "wants to go out with a bang"

I got her to a hair stylist,but im not approving of this relationship.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ferkeshu
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16
🚨︎ report
Daughter: β€œDad, ask me who sings this song. I’ll give you a clue, it starts with the letter β€˜S’!

Dad: β€œFirst, ask me if I care. I’ll give you a clue, it starts with the letter β€˜N’”

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/chinatown117
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16
🚨︎ report
My daughter came up to me and gave me a high five, then smiled and walked away

Without giving me a bye five. :(

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lucioboops3
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06
🚨︎ report
Not really sure this is a dad joke but my daughter just confused us both. She's making bracelets and said she plans to sell them for 50 cents to raise money for her school.

She said she'll give half to her school and keep a quarter for herself.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/1kings2214
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25
🚨︎ report
My daughter threw her toy phone on the floor

I guess she dropped the call

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DrTruLove
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03
🚨︎ report
I was watching Star Wars with my daughter. She asked why Luke was climbing inside a Tauntaun, I said to keep warm.

She asked how warm is it inside. I said Lukewarm.

πŸ‘︎ 14k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/charlie_8011
πŸ“…︎ Dec 12 2019
🚨︎ report
I was reading a bedtime story to my daughter when the book abruptly ended. We were both perplexed, and my daughter asked, β€œIs it over?”, to which I replied,

β€œYep, that’s all she wrote!”

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Campagnolo412
πŸ“…︎ Jun 29
🚨︎ report
My daughter asked me if I can make her a bath

I’ve never built a bath before, can someone help me with plumbing it in?

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cozzo123
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03
🚨︎ report
My daughter FINALLY got an β€˜A’ on her essay!!

Only 1,999 more words to go!!

πŸ‘︎ 55
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ May 20
🚨︎ report
Son/Daughter: Hey I got a haircut! What do you think?

Dad: Looks like you got them all cut.

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/professorf
πŸ“…︎ May 22
🚨︎ report
A daughter asked her father, "Why are they called shoes?"

The father said it was a very old story about two inventors named Johnson and Hues. One day Hues was working feverishly on his latest project and talking to himself out loud. Unfortunately for Johnson, his project was not going well and Hues' constant chatter was getting on his last nerve. Suddenly, Hues lept from his chair in excitement and said "I finally did it!" "I finally invented a protective layer of apparel to be worn on the feet!" Johnson was a timid man that never attempted to stifle Hues' talking, but he was about to snap. At last, Hues cried out one last time to himself "...but what shall I call them?", to which Johnson finally retorted, "SSSSHHHH, Hues!"

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Arkangel_Ash
πŸ“…︎ Jun 28
🚨︎ report
My daughter said the "S" Word today.

Sword.

πŸ‘︎ 32
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Clever_Sean
πŸ“…︎ May 13
🚨︎ report
My daughter asked me where the remote is.

I told her it’s in a remote location.

πŸ‘︎ 34
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NotSoSasquatchy
πŸ“…︎ May 28
🚨︎ report
We have a magnetic alphabet on our fridge. The other day my daughter grabbed the letter T and put it in her in milk.

She looked at me and said, β€œI’m having a T party.”

I chortled.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/swAnsonWannabe
πŸ“…︎ Jun 26
🚨︎ report
My daughter asked for a PB&J

I delivered it on a dad joke platter

http://imgur.com/a/98MD4lO

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pladhoc
πŸ“…︎ May 25
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4YO Daughter (frowning): β€œBaba, I don’t like you”

...”I love you”.

Oh, the timing, bless her comic soul.

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/krathulu
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03
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From my 8yr old daughter....

What do you get when you cross a pug and a pig?

Puglets!!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TuraacMiir
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05
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My teenage daughter showed me a small bump on her hand and asked what it was...

I told her I thought it was a bug bite and she asked 'But where did I get bitten?' and I said 'On your hand.' :D She even laughed! True story!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HumboltQuadrant
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22
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If I ever have twin daughters...

I'll name them Kate & Duplikate.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sheriff-Douchebag
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26
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Wife: "I made our daughter a waffle this morning."

Me: "Well thanks for changing her back."

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CryptoReaper5
πŸ“…︎ May 01
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Recently I took my family on a road trip, and we got a flat tire. When my daughter got out of the car to help, she almost got hit by a car.

Good thing she wasn't, that trip would've been short-lived.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SPONGEROBERT123
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27
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My daughter: What species of snail is this?

Me: Species is cargo.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HateGettingGold
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24
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My 4 year old daughter’s first dad joke...Why did the dinosaur eat vegetables and fruit?

Because he didn’t like sour mice.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/envengpe
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
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Daughter asks if she should learn how to write Japanese

Well, I said go left ahead.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Lake-stein
πŸ“…︎ Jun 16
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My daughter thinks I’m overprotective and nosy

At least that’s what she wrote in her diary.

πŸ‘︎ 118
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πŸ‘€︎ u/02K30C1
πŸ“…︎ May 06
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My daughter said, "You're an overprotective father."

"How is that true," I replied, "when you have seven siblings?"

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 14
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Convo with my 6 yo daughter:

Her: Dad, what does gay means? Me: Gay means happy, kid. Her : Are you gay dad? Me: No! I married your Mom.

My wife: That's a repost!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PinoyDadInOman
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18
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My daughter asked me what I planned to do today

"Well first, mom and I are gonna go pick up our prescription glasses"

"And then we'll see."

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CaptainWolfo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06
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My daughter thinks I invade her privacy way to much.

At least that’s what I read in her diary.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/_Mental_Note_
πŸ“…︎ Jun 11
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What did the drummer name his twin daughters?

Anna one Anna two

πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Islander399
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01
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My daughter wanted to play hide and seek in the dark. I said "That means I would only be able to find you using sound ...

so nah!"

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Conan-doodle
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08
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My daughter wanted to know how to make an omelet...

But I couldn't eggslpain.

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/l_a_z_y_b_u_g
πŸ“…︎ May 12
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What did the drummer call his twin daughters ?

Anna One, Anna Two

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/HellsJuggernaut
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07
🚨︎ report
What did the drummer call his twin daughters ?

Anna One, Anna Two

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/King-Trippy
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07
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