I told my daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field." She said, "What's that got to do with anything?"
I said "That means it's pasture bedtime."
From my daughter (so proud)
When I was young I was told I could be anyone I wanted. Turns out identity theft is a crime.
The day I turned 42, my daughter walked up to me and said "happy...", and started timing on her watch. After a long silence she said...
"...40 second birthday".
I was so proud.
My daughter told me she saw a deer on the way to school.
Me: “How do you know it was going to school?”
My son was just born and another dad at the hospital congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday.
He said, "Maybe they'll marry each other?"
"Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age."
My daughter(7) just caught me off guard with this.
Daughter : Whats Nana's middle name?
Me: the same as mommies, I think
Daughter: her middle name is just i think?
I'm so proud. Sorry if I don't know how to format, I tried.
If a father in Iraq gifts his daughter a new bag, what will she say?
If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....
....and the second one Duplikate.
My daughter wants a horse...
But first we need a stable income.
We just bought our new dream house and as I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs!?" I chuckled and replied, "Awwwww sweetie...."
Is it a dad joke when your daughter tells it?
My 11 year old to my 9 year old, as we drive by a cemetery on a hill : "i wonder why they bury people in a hill."
9 year old, in total deadpan: "because they're dead."
From my 11 year old daughter. Did you hear the one about the man with the broken hearing aids?
After getting my wife pregnant with my second child, my daughter asked me why Barbie doesn’t make a pregnant Barbie.
I told her it was because Ken came in another box.
My daughter was having a pretend dinner party with her teddy bear, when she asked, “Do you want anything to eat, Mr. Bear?” In my best bear voice, I replied...
“No thanks, I’m stuffed!"
My friend told me, “Your wife and daughter look like twins!”
I said, “Well, they were separated at birth.”
A man's daughter wanted to have a tea party with him...
... the man agreed, but he doesn't have much experteas in the subject
My wife threatened to divorce me when I said I was going to give our daughter a silly name...
My 5 year old daughter: What is a ghost’s favorite day?
Boosday
I’m so proud. She was laughing so much!
My daughter came into my "home office" (closet) and said, "You wanna hear a joke?" I told her that I did
Daughter: "Quarantine."
Me: . . .
Daughter: "You don't get it. It's an inside joke."
While eating Thai food, my daughter asked “Where is Thailand?”
I said right between winner-land and loser-land
I won't let my daughter near ducks...
Due to their fowl language
Daughter: How do people look underwater?
Dad: probably the same, just a little more wet.
My daughter broke her finger today,
but on the other hand she was completely fine.
My daughter got me a “Canada “ sweater for Christmas... I asked why since we live in the USA?
“It’s aspirational “ she said.
Ooooof...
Did you hear about Darth Vader daughter Elle?
Her power is on a whole different level!
( just made this up, my daughter eat impressed) lol
So proud of my 3 year old daughter... her first dad joke. “Hey Dad, why did the duck cross the road?”
Because the chicken had the day off.
Neither my wife or I have any idea where she heard this. And she isn’t divulging her sources. Hilarious.
Edit: The first joke she’s told in general. And happened to be a dad joke. :-)
My daughter asked if I remembered ‘Gotye’.
But I said he was somebody I used to know.
My daughter had her 6th driving test yesterday. She got 8 out of 10.
The other 2 jumped out of the way.
From my 4 year old daughter: What does a shoe call an octopus?
I wondered why my daughter was throwing all my Stephen King books around the room. And then…
I was spelling out words to my wife so my daughter would not know what we were talking about.
She told me to stop spelling, it was giving her a headache.
Me: “O K”.
My 12 year old daughter got me today. Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer was playing on the radio.
"What was the other reindeer's name?"
"Um, Dasher?"
No."
"Dancer?"
"No. Olive."
"Olive?"
"Yes! Olive, the other reindeer used to laugh and call him names."
I was very proud.
I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. "It’s true!"
"When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"
This is my 4 year old daughters joke: Knock Knock?
Who’s there?
Cargo.
Cargo who?
No! Owl goes who. Car goes Beep! Beep!
I got dad joked by my 3 year old daughter at dinner today: "Hey do you have a bun?" I asked her.
"NO I WANT A WHOLE BUN"
She's well on her way to being the dad I never had
My daughter wanted to clean her cardboard rocketship with her face cloth...
Trying to reduce the enormous amount of laundry associated with kids,
I said, "you don't need to clean your rocketship. It's not dirty. Space is a vacuum"....
I could hear my wife's eyes roll in the next room. Success!
My daughter thinks I don't give her enough privacy.
Atleast that's what she said in her diary.
My daughter was practicing her flute today, she said at bar 45 she needs to add in a breath mark.
I teared up, after all these years she still doesn't know my name is David.
As my daughter opened her last gift on Christmas morning with a sad look in her eyes...
I said: “If you think that’s the end, you’ve got another thing coming!”
I said to my daughter "The cows are out sleeping in the field." She said "What's that got to do with anything? "
I said "It's pasture bedtime."
If I have twin daughters, I'll name one Kate
And I'll name the other DupliKate
My daughter told me she saw a deer on the way to school.
Me: “How do you know it was going to school?”
I said to my daughter, ”It’s time for bed, the cows are asleep in the field”. She asked ”what’s that got to do with anything’?
I said “It’s pasture bedtime”.
I told my daughter to go to bed because the cows are sleeping. She asked what’s that go to do with anything..
I said it’s because it’s pasture bedtime.
If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....
........and the second one DupliKate.
I told my daughter, "Did you know that humans eat more bananas than monkeys?" She rolled her eyes at me, but I persevered. "It’s true!"
"When was the last time you ate a monkey?!"
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