From my 7yr old daughter: Why was the pig covered in ink?
Because he lived in a pen!
So very proud!
I recently bought my only Daughter a locket with her picture inside, for her 18th birthday.
.. just so glad She's now finally independent.
My daughter told me Jim Morrison is overrated.
I told her not to slam The Doors in my house.
Grandpa went quiet after seeing my daughter for the first time
I asked him if he’s okay. He said, “Yeah, I’m great!”
I told my daughter, "Go to bed, the cows are sleeping in the field." She said, "What's that got to do with anything?"
I said "That means it's pasture bedtime."
My daughter was complaining to me that the computer was frozen
I told her to just let it go
Daughter : “Dad, can you put my shoes on?”
Dad : “No, I don’t think they’ll fit me.”
What did my daughter say when she put on her Frozen glasses?
The police arrested my daughter claiming she had burnt our house down.
What did the drummer call his twin daughters?
From my daughter (so proud)
When I was young I was told I could be anyone I wanted. Turns out identity theft is a crime.
The day I turned 42, my daughter walked up to me and said "happy...", and started timing on her watch. After a long silence she said...
"...40 second birthday".
I was so proud.
An original from my 5 year old daughter: Why was the egg itchy?
Because it had egg-zema.
She's suffered from eczema since she was a baby and I'm glad she can find humor in it.
My daughter said she needs a book by Shakespeare for a class assignment. "Which one?" I asked.
Daughter, showing me a drawing: What do you think I should call my dolphin?
If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....
......and the second one Duplikate.
My teenage daughter is really acting odd...
How do you get a farmer’s daughter to like you?
Me to my teen age daughter in the grocery store while I hold a melon.
“You cantaloupe! Your too young”
If a father in Iraq gifts his daughter a new bag, what will she say?
We just bought our new dream house and as I was showing our daughter around for the first time, she asked excitedly, "What's upstairs!?" I chuckled and replied, "Awwwww sweetie...."
What does a lawyer name her daughter
My daughter (6) and I were watching a show where the phrase “gelatinous mass” came up..
..so I blurted out, “That’s what jellyfish call church!”
rimshot
MY DAUGHTER KEPT COMPLAINING FOR DAYS ABOUT A MONSTER UNDER HER BED
So I drank it and told her to stop hiding cans😤
Sent this to my daughter.
(https://i.imgur.com/uszL4rb.jpg)
Edit: Marking the “studs” in the wall..
Daughter: "Can you open this, dad?"
opens the jar
Yep! I sure can!
closes it back and hands it back
My daughter again " ..... "
My daughter told me she was having a bad hair day...
My 2 yo daughter doesn’t like to go to sleep.
Some nights I feel like a cop chasing a robber trying to catch her so I can put her to sleep, as she “steels” away in various rooms of the house...
You could say she’s “evading a-rest”...
My daughter wanted to help me make some bread, so she offered to "proof" the dough for me.
"Really?"
"Sure," she said.
"It's the yeast I can do."
My daughter(7) just caught me off guard with this.
Daughter : Whats Nana's middle name?
Me: the same as mommies, I think
Daughter: her middle name is just i think?
I'm so proud. Sorry if I don't know how to format, I tried.
My son was just born and another dad at the hospital congratulated me and said his daughter was born yesterday.
He said, "Maybe they'll marry each other?"
"Sure, like my son is going to marry someone twice his age."
My daughter got out of choir practice. She was talking about who her favorite conductors were, and was really excited about her favorite ones, because she said they were very good conductors.
Did they stick their fingers in an electrical socket?
"No... Why..?"
Well, then, how do you know if they were good conductors or not?
I caught my daughter taking pictures of her feet. I asked her why.
“I needed better camera footage.”
My friend told me, “Your wife and daughter look like twins!”
I said, “Well, they were separated at birth.”
My daughter told me she doesn’t like the Odyssey.
I told her: that’s odd, I see.
My daughter told me she saw a deer on the way to school.
Me: “How do you know it was going to school?”
Screwing in some camera mounts and I dropped my drill, it came so close to hitting my daughter in the head...
Good thing it was only a drill!
I was racing my daughter to school this morning and I was winning.
She said that I was ahead, and I laughed when I told her “no, I’m a dad.”
My wife threatened to divorce me when I said I was going to give our daughter a silly name...
My daughter wants a horse...
But first we need a stable income.
What did the Fisherman name his daughter?
I’m a proud dad. My daughter just told me this joke. In Hawaii, do people laugh loud?
Or is it a low ha (Aloha)
Is it a dad joke when your daughter tells it?
My 11 year old to my 9 year old, as we drive by a cemetery on a hill : "i wonder why they bury people in a hill."
9 year old, in total deadpan: "because they're dead."
From my six years daughter: what kind of bread does the sun like?
A heart shaped bread. (she pronounced it "hot" with a heavy British accent). This is her Valentine day joke. I am a proud dad.
The police arrested my daughter claiming she had burnt our house down.
If I ever had identical twin daughters, I'd name the first one Kate....
....and the second one Duplikate.
I said to my daughter "The cows are out sleeping in the field." She said "What's that got to do with anything? "
I said "It's pasture bedtime."
If I have twin daughters, I'll name one Kate
And I'll name the other DupliKate
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