Please root for my girlfriend's pun.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jul 13 2019
My girlfriend said she'll leave me if I don't support Trump.
π︎ 19k
π
︎ Oct 11 2020
My girlfriend poked me in the eye I stopped seeing her after a while
π︎ 58
π
︎ Dec 28 2020
Iβm thinking of marrying my Quidditch playing girlfriend.
π︎ 35
π
︎ Jan 11 2021
My girlfriend asked if we could have an old movie night and watch βGaslightβ
I told her βwe already watched that together, donβt you remember?β
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Sep 14 2020
How did the hamburger introduce his girlfriend?
π︎ 57
π
︎ Dec 16 2020
My Russian girlfriend broke up with me
She said "I'm Finnish with you!"
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 07 2021
I recently broke up with my caterpillar girlfriend.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
I found out my girlfriend is really a ghost.
I had my suspicions the moment she walked through the door.
π︎ 10k
π
︎ Sep 19 2020
I broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years because I found out she was a communist.
I should have known, there were red flags everywhere.
π︎ 22k
π
︎ Aug 07 2020
What did the osteologist say to his girlfriend?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 07 2021
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high...
π︎ 28
π
︎ Jan 11 2021
My girlfriend was sad, so I asked her who my favorite singer is and then placed my head on her chest
I told her Michael Boob-lay
She wasnβt as sad anymore (or much sadder since she realized how dumb the person sheβs dating is). Happy new year everybody
π︎ 27
π
︎ Dec 30 2020
My girlfriend said I need to stop taking things too literally
I asked her, "Who's Literally?"
π︎ 17
π
︎ Dec 29 2020
My girlfriend told me I had to stop impersonating a flamingo
That's when I really had to put my foot down.
π︎ 20
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
My deaf girlfriend just told me βWe need to talk.β
π︎ 118
π
︎ Dec 18 2020
I finally kicked out my girlfriend about six months ago, and it's been nothing but Happy Days for me since.
The bitch took all the other box sets.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 03 2021
I stole my girlfriendβs wheelchair, guess who came crawling back.
I hope the people who saw this have a wonderful day!
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
My girlfriend told me"I'm pregnant"
With years of waiting I finally said "Hay pregnant I'm dad"
"No, no you are not" she responded
π︎ 65
π
︎ Dec 07 2020
I threw an engagement ring at my girlfriend, but she dodged out of the way.
π︎ 2k
π
︎ Sep 30 2020
What is a vampires girlfriend Called?
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jan 06 2021
My girlfriend owns a bit of a golden Nile serpent...
She has a nice piece of asp!
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 01 2021
Im gonna make a joke about a hoe girlfriend.
Shit, never mind the thought left me.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jan 02 2021
My girlfriend and I have the same shoes
I guess you could say we are solemates
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jan 10 2021
I gave my french girlfriend a pendant with "le monde" carved in.
It means the world to her.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jan 05 2021
In a group chat with my girlfriend and her dad and he sent this
https://imgur.com/a/zLeRYMp
π︎ 13
π
︎ Dec 14 2020
Sad news. I broke up with my girlfriend Loraine
She found out I was seeing another girl, Claire Lee. Good news though, I can see Claire Lee now, Loraine is gone
ripped off
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jan 01 2021
Girlfriend wants to get married...
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 04 2021
What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
π︎ 321
π
︎ Oct 09 2020
Conversation regarding YouTuber Therapist "Dr Honda" I had with my girlfriend
π︎ 12
π
︎ Dec 03 2020
My girlfriend in college was obsessed with trying to find the largest known prime number.
I wonder what sheβs up to now.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 31 2020
I was gonna say i joke about girlfriends
But i was like nah you wouldn't get it.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Nov 16 2020
My girlfriend told me she hates songs by Britney Spears and she doesn't want me to sing them.
But oops, I did it again.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Nov 27 2020
My girlfriend got mad at me for being lazy
It's not like I did something
π︎ 12k
π
︎ Jul 21 2020
My girlfriend broke up with me when she found out I only have 9 toes
She was lack toes intolerant
π︎ 185
π
︎ Oct 19 2020
Iβve bought my girlfriend a wooden leg for Christmas.
Itβs not her main present, just a stocking filler.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Dec 18 2020
What did the sniper say to his girlfriend after they broke up?
π︎ 16
π
︎ Dec 19 2020
Why won't Rick Astly ever take his girlfriend out for an ice cream date?
Cuz he'll never dessert you...
π︎ 58
π
︎ Oct 29 2020
What did the vampire say to his girlfriend as he nuzzled her bosom?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Dec 19 2020
My girlfriend that I loved with all my heart left me while I was in the bathroom screaming with constipation.
It was the hardest dump I ever took.
π︎ 20
π
︎ Nov 15 2020
My girlfriend
My girlfriend had a bad day today. You see, sheβs a dwarf and people made fun of her size. So tonight I thought Iβd try to make her forget about her day. On my way home I got her some flowers and chocolates, made her dinner, and then went into the bathroom and drew her a nice warm sink
π︎ 5
π
︎ Dec 21 2020
Why was the sniper's girlfriend mad at him?
Because he never misses her.
π︎ 18
π
︎ Dec 12 2020
My terrorists girlfriend said she hadn't ever attempted a suicide bombing
But today I found out jihad
π︎ 6
π
︎ Dec 17 2020
Broke up with my girlfriend after telling her I loved her.
She told me she loves U2, I just can't be with someone with a bad taste in music.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Dec 11 2020
My friend and his girlfriend have been together for 5 years, but I have never heard either of them tell a joke.
They are in a very serious relationship.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Dec 13 2020
My girlfriend said she was gonna cut her hair in a mullet...
I hate mullets and I told her if she did I was gonna grow a rat-tail as payback
She said, βYou canβt!β
βI will!β
βBut thatβs rat-tail-iation!β
PS: this actually happened and Iβm in love with her
π︎ 11
π
︎ Dec 10 2020
I knocked up my ex-girlfriend.
Though I'm being told that's not how I should announce my wife's pregnancy.
π︎ 86
π
︎ Oct 19 2020
My girlfriend says I'm ready to be a Dad
I was watching TV with my hispanic girlfriend and on the show we were watching a guy gave a girl a danish (little pastry with fruit). My girlfriend said that while it looked pretty tasty and good, she's not much of a Danish person and I said, "Well, probably because you're hispanic.."
I immediately texted my dad the joke as well.
π︎ 20
π
︎ Nov 30 2020
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