Please root for my girlfriend's pun.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jul 13 2019
I ended things with my communist girlfriend.
π︎ 8k
π
︎ Apr 10 2021
My girlfriend is a square root of -100
Perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Mar 27 2021
Whenever my artistic girlfriend is sad, I let her draw things on my body....
I gave her a shoulder to crayon.
π︎ 5k
π
︎ Apr 12 2021
My girlfriend totally changed when she became a vegan
It's like I never knew herbivore.
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Mar 25 2021
My deaf girlfriend just told me, βWe need to talk.β
Thatβs not a good sign.
π︎ 12k
π
︎ Mar 10 2021
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Mar 06 2021
My cavewoman girlfriend dumped me.
I should have seen the writing on the wall.
π︎ 196
π
︎ Apr 07 2021
My girlfriend said :- You got vasectomy without even telling me . Are you serious ?
I said :- I am not kidding you
π︎ 133
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︎ Apr 03 2021
My girlfriend from college was obsessed with trying to find the largest known prime number.
I wonder what sheβs up to now.
π︎ 26
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︎ Mar 28 2021
I got a girlfriend by pretending that I play football. My friends don't think it's going to last but I don't worry.
She thinks that I'm a keeper.
π︎ 105
π
︎ Mar 27 2021
My girlfriend said she wanted me to tease her.
so I said, βAlright, fatty.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Apr 08 2021
Sad news fellas, I broke up with my girlfriend Lorraine. She found out I was seeing another girl, Claire Lee. Good news though, I can see Claire Lee now, Lorraine is gone.
π︎ 32
π
︎ Mar 15 2021
I gave a couple of almonds to my girlfriend. I told her "I call this a Jessica."
She looked at me and asked why I called it a "Jessica".
I told her because it's two almonds.
You might even say.....
Almond Brothers.
(This literally just happened. She rolled her eyes so hard they twitched some.)
π︎ 6
π
︎ Apr 05 2021
I asked my girlfriend if I could make her mine. "Yes! Oh, yes!" she shouted, eyes filling with tears. "Great!" I said.
"Now take this pick and go find me some gold!"
π︎ 93
π
︎ Mar 22 2021
What did the pirate call his girlfriend at the dock?
π︎ 11
π
︎ Apr 11 2021
Not sure if my girlfriend knows any geography ...
π︎ 19
π
︎ Mar 28 2021
My girlfriend says if we donβt get married soon, sheβs gonna kill me.
...itβs a matter of wife or death.
π︎ 542
π
︎ Jan 26 2021
My girlfriend said she wanted a romantic getaway.
She's quite a specific bank robber.
π︎ 20
π
︎ Apr 09 2021
My girlfriend said she'll leave me if I don't support Trump.
π︎ 19k
π
︎ Oct 11 2020
My dad found out that I had an imaginary girlfriend....
Dad: "You can do so much better, you know!!"
Me: "Thanks dad. That means so much to me."
Dad: "I was talking to her."
π︎ 39
π
︎ Mar 21 2021
I told my girlfriend I was making a car out of spaghetti.
She told me to grow up and stop being an idiot. You should have seen her face as I drove pasta.
π︎ 31
π
︎ Feb 24 2021
I proposed to my girlfriend, who is the VP of marketing at her company.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 10 2021
What's something you should never say to a blind girlfriend?
I think we should see other people.
π︎ 45
π
︎ Feb 25 2021
My son proposed to his girlfriend while they were at the gym and she said no...
I guess they didn't work out!
π︎ 28
π
︎ Mar 19 2021
Was watching Arrested Development the other day and my girlfriend made a groaner of a dad joke.
Lucille: βI have to get Dusty ice cream.β
GF: βDusty ice cream doesnβt sound very goodβ
π︎ 21
π
︎ Feb 25 2021
What's the difference between a rock thrown at you and a crazy girlfriend?
It doesn't hurt when the rock misses you.
π︎ 21
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︎ Mar 12 2021
I bought an imitation diamond engagement ring to propose to my Irish girlfriend on St Patrick's day. I just hope she doesn't notice..
π︎ 29
π
︎ Mar 16 2021
why didn't hitlers girlfriend swallow?
π︎ 8
π
︎ Mar 05 2021
My girlfriend dumped me, so I stole a wheelchair
Guess who came crawling back
π︎ 79
π
︎ Feb 21 2021
Who is Superman's shortest girlfriend?
π︎ 19
π
︎ Mar 17 2021
What did the tree say to his tree girlfriend
I wood do anything for you
π︎ 33
π
︎ Feb 20 2021
Robert's girlfriend dumped him. He's feeling very discombobulated.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 15 2021
What did Casey Jones girlfriend say after she kissed Donatello
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 01 2021
If your girlfriend/wife ever gets you a gladiator uniform, it's a pretty good sign.
She wants you to be more Roman-tic.
π︎ 9
π
︎ Mar 27 2021
I like to meet my girlfriend at 12:59
It's important to get that one-to-one time.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Apr 03 2021
My new girlfriend and I are both really into fitness, and I've got a really good feeling about us.
I just know we're going to workout.
π︎ 14
π
︎ Mar 02 2021
My girlfriend's walked out on me, saying she's sick to death of my healthy, but boring diet.
Never mind though, plenty more fish in the freezer.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 11 2021
My Vegan girlfriend left me over the meal I cooked last night.
What can I say? M'steaks were made.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Mar 09 2021
My Girlfriend told me Iβm a very opinionated person.
I said βWell I think youβre wrong about that.β
π︎ 11
π
︎ Mar 09 2021
So I brought my girlfriend home to meet my parents. She looks like my mum, sounds like my mum, even dresses like my mum..
π︎ 13
π
︎ Mar 16 2021
Ever since my girlfriend got pregnant, a lot in my life has changed....
Like, my name, phone number, and address
π︎ 11
π
︎ Mar 17 2021
My wife is angry. Last night for my anniversary, I left the kids, snuck out with my ex-girlfriend, and we hooked up in the back seat like we used to.
She hates when I call her that.
π︎ 6
π
︎ Mar 01 2021
My girlfriend broke up with me after I called her a ginger.
Sheβs been waiting years for red head redemption.
π︎ 11
π
︎ Feb 27 2021
My girlfriend asked if we could have an old movie night and watch βGaslightβ
I told her βwe already watched that together, donβt you remember?β
π︎ 13k
π
︎ Sep 14 2020
I broke up with my girlfriend of 5 years because I found out she was a communist.
I should have known, there were red flags everywhere.
π︎ 22k
π
︎ Aug 07 2020
For Valentines Day, I decided to get my girlfriend some beads for an abacus.
Itβs the little things that count.
π︎ 17
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︎ Feb 12 2021
My girlfriend and I were just touring the farmerβs market - she said one of the tables had some red hot chilli peppers, and asked if I wanted some.
I said, only if theyβre givinβ βem away, givinβ βem away, givinβ βem away now.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Mar 13 2021
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