I just broke up with my mathematician girlfriend :(
She was still obsessed with her x
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︎ Sep 22 2021
My girlfriend keeps telling me to stop making Math puns
She thinks they are irrational
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︎ Jul 20 2021
I found out my girlfriend is really a ghost.
I had my suspicions the moment she walked through the door.
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︎ Jul 27 2021
How did the phone propose to his girlfriend?
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︎ Sep 02 2021
I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high.
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︎ Sep 06 2021
My girlfriend Melinda hates it when I remind her that without meβ¦..
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︎ Sep 19 2021
My mathematician girlfriend broke up with me.
She said something just wasn't adding up
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︎ Sep 22 2021
My ex-girlfriend just told me she wants us to get back together again.
MAN, I sure am LUCKY!
I mean, first I win the lottery and now THIS!
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︎ Sep 13 2021
My girlfriend told me that sex is better on holiday
Probably not the best postcard I've received π
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︎ Aug 20 2021
My girlfriend named Hope broke up with me
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︎ Aug 20 2021
My girlfriend and I got into a fight about which cinema seats she'd chosen for our date.
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︎ Sep 10 2021
My wife is actually okay with the fact that I still live with my ex-girlfriend.
Although she prefers I don't call her that.
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︎ Aug 28 2021
I told my girlfriend I had built a car out of spaghetti...
She didn't believe me until I drove pasta
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︎ Sep 27 2021
My girlfriend says she can spend her entire life living either with roses around her...
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︎ Sep 11 2021
There's a language barrier between me and my girlfriend.
She accidentally glued a dictionary to her face.
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︎ Sep 02 2021
We were at the beach the other day and my girlfriend asked βIf you gave birth by the ocean, would that technically be a sea section?β
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︎ Aug 09 2021
My girlfriend spilled on me a plateful of cheese she was preparing for the spaghetti
I love cheese, so I'm grateful.
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︎ Sep 12 2021
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︎ Sep 13 2021
I miss my ex-girlfriend, we split up over her constant habit of counting..
Wonder what She's up to now..
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︎ Jul 30 2021
Why did the astronaut break up with his girlfriend?
Because he wanted space
Edit: Thank you for the awards.
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︎ May 17 2021
If your girlfriend looks like this she's a keeper.
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︎ Jun 02 2021
My girlfriend said "you act like a detective too much. I want to split up..."
"Good idea,β I replied.βThat way we can cover more ground.β
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︎ Jul 15 2021
My buddy kept telling me he had a girlfriend who lived in Canada...
Of course, I was having Nunavut.
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︎ Sep 13 2021
Today I asked my girlfriend to sexually stimulate me with a key ring
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︎ Sep 10 2021
I ended things with my communist girlfriend.
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︎ Apr 10 2021
My girlfriend was watching a TV show about cosmetic procedures
I asked if the story was interesting.
She said no, mostly filler.
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︎ Aug 31 2021
My girlfriend is the square root of -100.
Sheβs a perfect 10, but imaginary.
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︎ Jul 31 2021
I was going to propose to my girlfriend, but my dog ate the ring.
Now it's a diamond in the ruff.
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︎ Jul 26 2021
For my girlfriends birthday today, I brought her a giant helium balloon
It didnβt go down very well
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︎ Sep 19 2021
Whenever my artistic girlfriend is sad, I let her draw things on my body....
I gave her a shoulder to crayon.
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︎ Apr 12 2021
My girlfriend sent me a picture, but it was taken away by the police.
They said it was for indecent exposure, but I think it was framed.
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︎ Aug 22 2021
My girlfriend has started using a pencil for her eyebrows.
Looks pretty ridiculous. Plus, it keeps falling off her forehead.
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︎ Jul 29 2021
I once had a girlfriend with a wooden leg
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︎ Jul 28 2021
Why doesnβt Ed Sheeran have a girlfriend?
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︎ Aug 24 2021
A man proposed to his girlfriend while choking her.
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︎ Sep 11 2021
My friend texted his girlfriend Ruth and broke up with her.
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︎ Aug 13 2021
My girlfriend said she wanted to try lunges.
That's a big step forward.
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︎ Aug 29 2021
My girlfriend wrote on a baloon, "Will you propose to me?"
I immediately popped the question.
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︎ Aug 08 2021
My deaf girlfriend just told me, βWe need to talk.β
Thatβs not a good sign.
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︎ Mar 10 2021
My girlfriend totally changed when she became a vegan
It's like I never knew herbivore.
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︎ Mar 25 2021
My girlfriend asked me if I like cantaloupe.
I said, "Well, like, sure, but I thought you wanted a formal wedding."
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︎ Aug 07 2021
My wheelchair bound girlfriend broke up with me
She didnβt like how I was always pushing her around
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︎ May 31 2021
My girlfriend left me while I was crying in the bathroom with constipation. She told me that I was so full of it.
It was the hardest dump I ever took
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︎ Mar 06 2021
So I was playing a guessing game with my girlfriend and came up with a dadjoke comeback
My gf: What word doesnβt make sense?
Me: Idk you tell me
My gf: esnes
Me: But.. it does make sense
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︎ Aug 19 2021
My girlfriend complains a lot that I don't smile anymore
Well she's the one who wanted a serious relationship
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︎ Jun 07 2021
My girlfriend told me that she had her grandma's nipples
I told her "That's rude, give them back to her."
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︎ Jul 10 2021
My girlfriend is a square root of -100
Perfect 10, but purely imaginary.
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︎ Mar 27 2021
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