My girlfriend thought it would be funny to replace my medicated shampoo with regular shampoo. I tried to understand why it was funny, but

the joke just left me scratching my head.

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📅︎ Feb 12 2020
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My girlfriend thought this wasn't funny, but I disagree.

We were going through the Halloween candy picking out what we want to keep and what we are going to donate. She found a little box of nerds and said she was going to keep them for my oldest daughter because she likes nerds. I replied proudly "I'd rather have her like nerds instead of jocks!." I laughed, she groaned.

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👤︎ u/bugeyetex
📅︎ Nov 08 2019
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My girlfriend said that my jokes aren't even funny

"I agree. They're odd funny!"

👍︎ 2k
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📅︎ Dec 27 2014
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I DadJoked my girlfriend and she actually found it funny… What a keeper!

We planned on going to this really cool mexican restaurant in town but she was running late.

Me: How long are you gonna be?

Her: Almost done, just have to blow-dry my hair.

Me: Well blow-dry all of them, WE GOTTA GO!

she chuckled but it could just be from her plotting my "accidental" death in her head.

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📅︎ Dec 17 2013
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My ex-girlfriend's dad was a pretty funny guy...

She and I were sitting on the couch together and he was in the kitchen right behind us. My ex said something to the effect of "Ugh, I'm bored."

To which he responded, "How can you be bored!? You've got the love of your life right here...and your boyfriend too."

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👤︎ u/DDiverTitN
📅︎ Oct 17 2013
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At least his girlfriend thought it was funny

I'm a lead host at a restaurant when this couple walked.

Me: Hi! Welcome to restaurant. Boyfriend: Hey do you guys have any tables here? Me: No sorry you have to eat on the ground.

He instantly realized what had just happened while his girlfriend was laughing super hard.

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👤︎ u/jjllss
📅︎ Jan 21 2016
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Well my girlfriend and my dad thought it was funny at least

So my girlfriend and I are sitting on the couch in the living room, talking, when she says "Oh God ACEmat, you're such a doll."

When my dad yells from the kitchen: "No, he's a real boy!"

I'm not sure how I should feel about it yet.

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👤︎ u/ACEmat
📅︎ Jun 27 2014
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Girlfriends dad thinks he's funny.

> A young boy and his father are walking down the street, when they see a golden retriever on top of a labrador, doing the dirty. The boy asks "Daddy, what are they doing!?" and his father calmly replies "Don't worry son, that's how they make a puppy."

> Later that evening, after the boy has gone to bed, Daddy and Mommy have their alone time. Just as things are getting hot and heavy, the young boy walks into the room and is shocked. "Daddy, what are you doing to Mommy?!" to which his father calmly replies "Don't worry Son, this is how we make a baby!" His son is dismayed, thinks for a second, and says: "Well turn her over, I want a puppy!"

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👤︎ u/gethaased
📅︎ Sep 23 2013
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While cuddling my girlfriend, I whispered "Honey, this isn't working out for me."

Then I rolled off the bed and started doing push-ups. "This is working out for me!"

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👤︎ u/alexslivi
📅︎ Oct 04 2014
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Told a dad joke while meeting my girlfriend's family

So it was my first time meeting my girlfriend's family and it was a holiday so I had assumed it would go like how it is in the movies, the guy being constantly criticized by the girl's family and told he's not good enough but I must have lucked out as they absolutely loved me, after we had the traditional thanksgiving meal at around 4, her family and I went to the porch to drink and joke around. On the way out to the porch, buzzed me thought it would be hilarious to take someone's ukelele with me and hide it on the porch, I promised myself that before the day is over, I'd use that ukelele as a joke piece and get everyone to love me even more. So the evening is going great, everyone's drunk, laughing, telling funny family stories when all of a sudden, I stand up, get everyone's attention and I grab the ukelele, picked it up and said

"I like to play a little guitar"

The hysterical, drunken laughs of everyone on the porch was the highlight of the best Thanksgiving I've ever had.

👍︎ 1k
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📅︎ Nov 29 2015
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Out dad joked by my SO

Last night cuddling with my girlfriend and she says "I love lying here with you." I replied "I once caught a fish and it was 5 foot long and spoke Hebrew." She stared at me, confused. "OK, it's your turn to lie" I say. "Oh right I see. Ha ha very funny" was her reply. She pauses for a moment before rolling over. "That was my lie" she said.

👍︎ 2k
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👤︎ u/ab1kenobe
📅︎ Sep 08 2014
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Looking at fruit, short but simple

My girlfriend and I were looking at fruit in the supermarket, and while I wasn't looking, she said: "oh look, they have pears"

Me: "pears of what?" ;)

Her: "You think you're so funny"

He. He. He.

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👤︎ u/crew1701
📅︎ Apr 27 2019
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Cooking with the girlfriend

My girlfriend and I were making homemade mozzarella sticks while drinking a few beers.

I asked her how many eggs to put in the mixture and she said "two."

So I responded with "oh, you mean Dos-Eggies?"

She didn't find it nearly as funny as I did.

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👤︎ u/veetoe
📅︎ Feb 16 2016
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Was able to get my girlfriend the other day

Sitting with my girlfriend and she mentions my beard. I tell her I know she loves it.

"It's growing on me"

"Funny enough, it's growing on me too!"

I may have been a little too proud of that one

👍︎ 146
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📅︎ Dec 13 2013
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Double dad jokes at coldstone

As we order our ice cream, my parents, girlfriend and I.

Gf to dad: French vanilla huh? Fancy

Dad: Oui. Groans heard around the store

Dad: Ha! I'm funny

Mom: yeah, funny lookin'

👍︎ 32
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📅︎ Oct 01 2014
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"You must've slept funny"

Wake up in the morning feeling sore.

Girlfriend: How did you sleep, babe? Me: Not too great I've a sore back. Girlfriend: Aw, you must've slept funny. Me: Really? I don't remember telling any jokes while I slept.

It took her a second, but when she got it, she gave me a groan and a smile.

👍︎ 45
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📅︎ May 29 2014
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I made salmon for dinner last night...

Girlfriend: "I can't eat this it tastes funny."

Me: "Are you sure? I'm certain the label said salmon and not clown fish."

Cue groans and eye rolling

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📅︎ Sep 16 2014
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Some bad dad jokes about Europe (very bad)

Germany has to be one of the smelliest countrys in Europe

-Its so bad they have a town called Cologne

Did you know France has a sibling that had a child?

-Neither did I but its the only explanation for Nice

Poland has this uncanny habit of not finishing its stories

-Warsaw what?

Belgium loves its greens

-City named Brussels gives it away

Everytime i tell anyone of these I need to laugh as the absolute cringe my girlfriend makes and then laugh through the pain of her hitting me whilst saying "Its just not funny".

Personally I love them and I thought i would share them with you.

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📅︎ Jan 07 2017
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The day I realized that I tell dad jokes (an introduction).

It was sometime last year that my girlfriend at the time and I were walking on a local public trail with her German Shepherd. She had always been very adamant about my jokes having a "dadness" to them but I always brushed it off until this day.

As we're walking, a lady and her two kids go to pass us going the other way on a narrow part of the trail and I say:

"Don't worry, she's friendly...(smirk level at maximum)...oh and the dog is too."

My girlfriend facepalms and the lady chuckles and says, "It's like we brought your father with us, huh kids?"

Girlfriend enthusiastically says, "See! Not funny dad jokes!"

From that day on I acknowledged my dad jokes as what they are but to this day I refuse to believe they aren't funny. And I guess that's my introductory post to this subreddit.

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👤︎ u/DGLGMUT
📅︎ Jun 17 2015
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Not a dad yet, but showing signs

Me: Want to go for tacos tonight?

Girlfriend: You're too late, I've already started the crock pot.

Me: Well, what's crock'n?

Girlfriend: .....funny

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📅︎ Jan 19 2015
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Bit serious but it was an attempt to lighten the mood.

Girlfriend: Does depression come in waves?

Me: Actually I think it comes between them.

Her: ... Alright that was kinda funny.

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👤︎ u/Retbull
📅︎ Apr 09 2015
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Almost Props to the GF

I tell my Girlfriend about an article I was reading where NASA is working on plans to build a submarine to search Titan's ocean for life. She looks at me and says the whole plan sounds 'Fishy'...

After I got done laughing she looks at me and says "What's so funny...?" I was so impressed too.

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👤︎ u/erickitt
📅︎ Feb 19 2015
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funniest joke in the world

Not only has my dad told ME this joke a million times, he tells it to every new person he meets. All of them. Best occurrence was the first time I'd brought a new girlfriend to dinner.

How do you get a one armed man out of a tree?

You wave.

Key him cracking up and my girlfriend going (in what I suppose is an ironically placed dad joke), how did your son end up not funny? Did someone wave at you when you were carrying him?

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👤︎ u/torerador
📅︎ Oct 01 2013
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Bathroom Dad Joke

On my way to the bathroom I ask my girlfriend if she needs to go before I destroy it with poop.

Girlfriend: "No, I'll be fine"

Me: "You sure?... Speak now or forever hold your pee."

She didn't find it funny.

👍︎ 6
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📅︎ Mar 26 2014
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Girlfriend got me this morning...

We were talking about Norway, Sweden and Finland etc, and I mentioned that I knew a Norwegian girl called Hedda.

Girlfriend promptly replies with 'funny, I know a guy from there called "footer"'.

👍︎ 3
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📅︎ Oct 01 2014
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Dadjoked an auto glass shop.

I was calling an auto glass shop for a quote after my gf's car was broken into.

Me: It was the driver-side rear window, yes.
Ok, and is there any more pieces of broken glass? Me: Yes, a couple hundred pieces in and around the door.... But no, no other windows were damaged.

Luckily the person on the phone thought it was funny.
My girlfriend did not.

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👤︎ u/1600cc
📅︎ Apr 28 2014
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Girlfriends always so fun to dad joke

So my girlfriend and I go to different colleges, we see each other on certain weekends. I went see her this last weekend. Before departing I tell her I love her and she replies the same. I wait about 5 seconds before saying "I know I just said that" it takes her a second to figure out that that I'm screwing with her by implying she said, you love me. Not sure if it would be full on dad joke but either way I found it funny and think you guys would appreciate.

👍︎ 2
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📅︎ Nov 05 2014
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I found out where I got my sense of humour from today

Every year my girlfriend's family and my family try to celebrate Christmas on different days, so my Christmas-crazy-starts-decorating-for-Christmas-before-I've-taken-my-Halloween-costume-off girlfriend has been bugging me about what day my family is celebrating for a few weeks. The other day we had a conversation that went like this:

SO: "So when's Christmas?"

Me: "[SO], Christmas is the same day every year, December 25th"

Apparently I'm not funny, but today I was on the phone with my awesome mom and my girlfriend was bugging me to ask her what day we were celebrating, so I ask.

Me: "[SO] wants to know what day Christmas is"

Mom: "Well, you should tell [SO] that Christmas is the same day as every other year, December 25th!"

I repeated it to her and she sobbed silently while my mother and I laughed our asses off for the next ten minutes.

👍︎ 2
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📅︎ Nov 27 2014
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The punchline is key

A few weeks ago I stayed at my dad's house. In the morning I found I had forgotten my keys and therefore had locked myself in. Because I didn't want to get told off/mocked by my dad, I phoned my brother's girlfriend to go to my brother at his work, retrieve the key from him and bring it back to dad's house to let me out. The following week my brother (the traitor) told my dad about this escapade and dad phoned me to mock me and tell me that not only was there a spare key in the house already, dad just happened to be driving past the house when I left anyway so could've let me out himself...

These are some of the key-related puns since then.

> me: dad, I didn't get the job in [city]

> dad: don't worry, it wasn't a key position.

Today in the restaurant we ate at: oh look! They do KEY lime pie!

Dude turns his head to look at me as dad and I walk down the road together: oooh! He looked keen. Geddit? Keen? KEY-n

> me: okay dad, you can stop with the key jokes now.

> dad makes the motion of sealing his lips and locking them with a key, immediately bursting into fits of giggles before he says: nah I think this joke has many more possibilities to unlock. more laughter

So many groans...

Ninja edit: something went funny with the submit page...

👍︎ 6
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👤︎ u/NejKidd
📅︎ Nov 07 2013
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Dadjoked my girlfriend today!

So it's my first time posting but I'm a big fan of dadjokes and love to drop them myself, this is the first time one felt original/funny enough to post.

I was in the kitchen while my girlfriend was frying bacon, I tried to sneak over and try to eat a small piece of raw bacon. She stops me, and I complain that I want to try.

She asks me, "Do you want salmonella?" I look at her and say, "I definitely don't want Sam and I don't even know who Ella is" She groaned, it felt like a huge success.

👍︎ 2
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📅︎ Aug 28 2014
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