I have a friend who tried to take a selfie in the shower, but the image was too blurry.

He has selfie steam issues.

πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/korabdrg
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23
🚨︎ report
My friend claims the he accidentally glued himself to his autobiography, but I don’t believe him.

But that’s his story, and he’s sticking to it.

πŸ‘︎ 13k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11
🚨︎ report
My lumberjack friend told me that he'd cut down a total of 13,207 trees.

When I asked how he managed to keep count,

He replied, "I keep a log"

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DementedOak
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19
🚨︎ report
I have a friend with no social skills and a Ph.D in the history of palindromes.

I call him Dr. Awkward.

πŸ‘︎ 12k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klwill1192
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend Jack says he can communicate with vegetables.

Jack and the beans talk.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
🚨︎ report
All my hispanic friends love it when I say β€œmucho.”

It means a lot to them.

πŸ‘︎ 290
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Steve_McGuilicuty
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24
🚨︎ report
My friend: Did you heard about the Italian man who died recently, he pasta way

Me: Thats very sad. Venice the funeral?

(Please excuse my poor english as it is not my first language)

Edit: I am not a dad, I am a 15 year old teen
Edit 2: Thank you u/Mnt2bdaddy for the wholesome award.

πŸ‘︎ 279
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Madhur_Gupta_nerd
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14
🚨︎ report
The mayor in my city just passed law that male best friends have to have lunch together at least once a week

Well it’s not a law it’s a mandate

πŸ‘︎ 14k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justin_true_10
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2020
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine went bald years ago, but still carries around an old comb.

He just can't part with it.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DeltaOne211
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a friend who writes songs about sewing machines.

He's a Singer songwriter, or sew it seams.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BastetLXIX
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend Joe recently went on the Dolly Parton diet...

It made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean!

πŸ‘︎ 249
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyfortaco
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
🚨︎ report
My friend keeps saying "cheer up man it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water."

i know he means well.

πŸ‘︎ 137
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πŸ‘€︎ u/hannahunfiltered
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23
🚨︎ report
My friend David lost his ID today

Now I call him Dav.

πŸ‘︎ 95
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Crown92royal
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21
🚨︎ report
Pulled this off on my friend Lmao
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend Joe recently went on the Dolly Parton diet...

It really made Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe lean, Joe leannnnnnn.... 🎢

πŸ‘︎ 298
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jamesnearn
πŸ“…︎ Dec 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend asked me if Princess Bride jokes are still a thing

I said, β€œthey’re mostly dead”

πŸ‘︎ 30
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jaxerfp
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
🚨︎ report
When your friends know you love puns and send you things like this >>>>>>
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/meow__meg
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17
🚨︎ report
My friend just can't afford to pay his huge water bill...

I've sent him a Get Well Soon card.

πŸ‘︎ 59
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22
🚨︎ report
My friend and I swim a lot

People regularly consider us as fishy

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Just_y_not
πŸ“…︎ Jan 13
🚨︎ report
Get it. guys... ( none of my friends laughing)
πŸ‘︎ 5k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/puppybark55
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2020
🚨︎ report
A friend told me that the ball drop was a minute late

The ball was dropped at the ball drop.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fleeves
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
🚨︎ report
My friend had the left side of his body ripped off in an accident.

But the doctor said he’ll be all right.

πŸ‘︎ 26
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Uncle_Bug_Music
πŸ“…︎ Jan 17
🚨︎ report
I told my friend I was going to rob a toy store for some board games

He said I could go to jail for it. I said it was a Risk worth taking

πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LordCinko
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19
🚨︎ report
I ran into my friend Mark who stole my dictionary.

I said, β€œMark, my words!”

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14
🚨︎ report
My friend said, β€œMy kid refuses to eat fish. What do you think is a good replacement?”

Me: Cats. Cats love fish.

πŸ‘︎ 600
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend is addicted to watching other people eat a gingerbread house.

Doctors are calling it munch housing by proxy.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15
🚨︎ report
The only dad joke I know. My friend asked me to post it. :-)

I bought some shoes off of a drug dealer.

I don't know what he laced them with but I've been trippin' all day!

πŸ‘︎ 47
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Southernms
πŸ“…︎ Dec 29 2020
🚨︎ report
The Cuban main violinist's string snapped during a performance. Luckily, he got offered another violin by his American friend.

That day, another Fiddle Catastrophe was prevented.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sir_CockLord
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22
🚨︎ report
I was going to tell my friend a terrible bowling joke

But then I spared him

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slightedninja
πŸ“…︎ Jan 10
🚨︎ report
It’s a sad day but my kitchenaid mixer motor has finally died. I couldn’t whisk for a batter friend.
πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2020
🚨︎ report
My British friend was really proud of his heritage until he found out that his great grandfather was from Transylvania.

Now he can’t even look at himself in the mirror.

πŸ‘︎ 261
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2020
🚨︎ report
I dont really have that many friends...

But me and my recliner go way back.

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Invader_Kilz
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
🚨︎ report
My friend was worried about hitting all the bars on his guitar neck at his recital...

I told him not to fret.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 24
🚨︎ report
A friend of mine just said to me β€œI’m training to be garbage man”

I said β€œYou don’t need training for that! You just pick it up as you go along”

πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OwenJthomas89
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend sent me this
πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
🚨︎ report
My friend called me and said he lost the million dollar prize because he couldn't think of a neighbor to Saudi Arabia...

I said, "Oman!"

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14
🚨︎ report
We all have that one vegan friend.... I said to mine,"Do you have to mention vegetables every time you open your mouth?"

She said, "Not neccecelery."

πŸ‘︎ 79
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
🚨︎ report
My friend had a discord discription of "having a bad time" i used puns, it went okay reddit.com/gallery/kxumgx
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DiscreteGalaxy
πŸ“…︎ Jan 15
🚨︎ report
My friend Jack claims that he can communicate with vegetables.

Jack and the beans talk.

πŸ‘︎ 13
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Sw33tcheeks427
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22
🚨︎ report
My friend said that he couldn't afford to pay his huge water bill....

So, I sent him a 'Get Well Soon' card.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Nov 11 2020
🚨︎ report
If a friend left you 12 bottles of wine on your doorstep, would you be extremely....

Grapeful.

πŸ‘︎ 38
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πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
I have a friend who took a selfie in the shower, but it came out blurry.

He has selfie-steam issues

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hannahunfiltered
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25
🚨︎ report
Played a game with friends...was not disappointed!
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
🚨︎ report
Painted a Christmas card for a friend who hates puns....
πŸ‘︎ 60
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πŸ‘€︎ u/elko
πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend told me, β€œYour wife and daughter look like twins!”

I said, β€œWell, they were separated at birth.”

πŸ‘︎ 24k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
A story of my friend Al

While on vacation to a Caribbean island, he was Tropic Al

As a master gardener, he is Botanic Al

When the people need a doctor, he is Medic Al

When he tells clever jokes, he’s Comic Al

He can look two ways at once as Bidirection Al

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/techtornado
πŸ“…︎ Jan 22
🚨︎ report
I was at a friends funeral and I said to the widow β€œdo you mind if I say a word?”

She said go ahead.

I stood up said β€œplethora” and sat back down.

β€œThank you”, the grieving widow responded, β€œit means a lot”

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jediwag
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
🚨︎ report
My friend worked at the zoo to circumcise elephants, the pay was bad but...

The tips were huge

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MoreTITS
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
My friend David lost his ID,

Now we call him Dav.

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TechX5
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
🚨︎ report
My friend couldn't afford to pay his water bill

So I sent him a "get well soon" card

πŸ‘︎ 15k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RedCakesYT
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2020
🚨︎ report

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