My next door neighbor and I are good friends, so we decided to share our water supply.
π︎ 9k
π
︎ Apr 21 2020
Mike Tyson and I were talking about our friend Sarah who had just gotten into town. I asked, "so, how did she get from L.A. to here?" He replied...
π︎ 10
π
︎ Aug 19 2020
My neighbour and I became good friends, so we decided to rent a space together to park our cars.
We have....a lot in common.
π︎ 56
π
︎ May 25 2020
My friends and I like to get together and play polo with our Rams, Challengers, Chargers and Darts...
Dodge ball can become dangerous, but it's fun.
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jul 30 2020
Our friend Chuck hasnβt contacted us for months, so we renamed him Huck.
π︎ 60
π
︎ Apr 25 2020
A friend of mine said we needed something groundbreaking to sell in our new shop
π︎ 15
π
︎ May 30 2020
We were all excited about our mountaineering trip, but then our friend Max chickened out.
He has always been an anti climb Max.
π︎ 21
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︎ Apr 29 2020
Our friend Tim is a little dyslexic, and hates gossip.
He keeps saying, βItβs TMI.β
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jun 14 2020
My wife and I went to see a psychiatrist. "What can I do for you?" he asked. "Our son has got an imaginary friend." said my wife.
"There is nothing wrong with a good healthy imagination to help a child to develop and this is very common and nothing to worry about at all." said the psychiatrist.
I grimaced, "We haven't got a son."
π︎ 4
π
︎ May 17 2020
Our amputee friend was pissed when we hid his prosthetic arm...
He didn't find it humerus
π︎ 8
π
︎ Apr 30 2020
A moment of silence for our dear friend, liquid water, who did not survive the 100Β° temperature...
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Oct 31 2018
My friend wanted to go over our act for the variety show...
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 20 2020
My Chinese friend refuses to believe that our friend Ty is now the state boxing champion.
The Chinese donβt want to recognize Ty won.
π︎ 7k
π
︎ Jul 11 2018
We were about to witness our first autopsy in medical school. My friend said, βWhat do you think itβll be like?β
I said, βRemains to be seen.β
π︎ 304
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︎ Mar 07 2019
My friends and I are doing a project on Mars and our group name was, βDeimos! at the Discoβ
Because Deimos and Phobos are Marsβs moons.
Phobos means Fear and you can guess what Deimos means
π︎ 2
π
︎ Mar 19 2019
I went to a restaurant with two friends the other day one of them ordered a rare steak and the other asked for a medium rare steak. When we got our food they had each other's steaks,
I then instinctively yelled "I guess this was just a big 'mistake'"
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jul 06 2019
My friends and I have named our band βDuvetβ
π︎ 47
π
︎ Oct 03 2018
My friend used this today on our waitress...
We were placing our drink orders:
"I'll have a coke."
"Is Pepsi okay?"
"I don't know, what happened to him?!"
I'm not sure if the joke went over her head, or if she was annoyed from hearing it, but she didn't laugh as much as we did.
π︎ 1k
π
︎ Feb 21 2014
Everyone loves our friend Nate.
Even my dyslexic friend thinks heβs neat.
π︎ 142
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︎ Apr 25 2018
I need your advice I have this friend. Our relationship is very unstable. Sometimes we have a very good connections and at other times we have a pretty bad connection.
π︎ 2
π
︎ May 19 2019
I was telling my Chinese friend that our buddy Ty is now the local boxing champion, but he doesnβt believe it.
The Chinese refuse to acknowledge Ty won.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Mar 06 2019
I said to a friend that we need more diversity in our small town.
She said, "I see Indian people all the time."
I replied "You must have a Sikh Sense."
π︎ 2
π
︎ Jan 23 2019
Our friends Ian and Greg are not talking to each other, so we alternately invite them to our social events.
We are on a Greg or Ian calendar.
π︎ 8
π
︎ Oct 22 2018
My friend and I really bonded over our love of shoes
π︎ 52
π
︎ Jun 12 2017
Our headmaster wanted to be our friend
He said: "Dont you know in every principal there's a pal"
π︎ 4
π
︎ Mar 09 2018
We all knew our friend was swimming in a river
But he kept saying it was lake. Well, someone's obviously in da Nile.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Aug 01 2018
My wife bought our son some Thomas & Friends shoes.
I asked her if they were cross-trainers.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Aug 18 2018
My son asked why my friends and I had little birds on our wine glasses
I told him so I knew which one was mine. He told me they should be owls instead.
βWhy?β I asked
βSo youβd know whose whoseβ
π︎ 29
π
︎ Feb 10 2018
My friends and I went to watch our favorite team throw around the ol' pigskin.
We agreed to paint our chests to read "FOOTBALL" as we sat in the stands. But two of my pals, the first and second "O", didn't show up. And our team lost! I really should've expected that outcome. My absent friends were the bad o-men.
π︎ 7
π
︎ Jun 26 2017
My friend and I were racing our trucks...
I would've won, but I couldn't pickup the pace.
π︎ 13
π
︎ Sep 25 2017
Wife and I simultaneously dad-joked our friend
Our friend had just finished eating and asked, "Do I have anything on my face?"
Wife: "A beard"
Me: "Your glasses"
π︎ 76
π
︎ Jan 08 2015
Me and my organic lab partner are good friends. Our classmate asked if there was something going on between us...
I said no, we just have good chemistry.
She doesn't talk to me anymore.
π︎ 32
π
︎ Oct 07 2016
Dad joke I pulled off on a friend in our group chat
π︎ 8
π
︎ Mar 06 2017
Asked my dad to take a picture of my friend and I at our father/daughter, mother/son dance.. This is what I get back, he's hilarious.
imgur.com/z65ySyg
π︎ 18
π
︎ Oct 21 2013
At the beach with wife, friends and three kids. My wife exclaims: "Aren't our kids an odd trio?"
"Aren't they always?"
Wife groaned. Wife's friend had the delayed giggles. Good times.
π︎ 11
π
︎ May 31 2016
Years ago, my friend was excited to see Chick Fil-A coming to our state...
I asked him if he thought they'd be successful or barely get by on a wing and a prayer.
He became quite cross with me.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 17 2015
My SO and I were just discussing how our friends named their new dog Mariota or Yoda for short and he said, "I can't see that name sticking for too long...it sounds forced." Ba dum tssss.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Aug 02 2016
My friend were talking about how everything is sexualized in our society...
Me: "Yeah, it really is. Guys. Girls. Cars. Pianos."
Them: "What? Pianos? How's that work besides putting a sexy person on top?"
Me: "I mean...I am pian-sexual..."
People died.
π︎ 3
π
︎ Sep 04 2016
Our Waitor set food down for everyone at the table except for my friend, he looked at him and said "sorry sir, your food is draggin".
My friend replied, " I ordered a burger not a dragon."
π︎ 8
π
︎ Jan 02 2016
My neighbor and I are good friends. So we thought we share our water supply.
π︎ 60
π
︎ Mar 27 2020
My neighbor and I are good friends. So we thought we share our water supply.
π︎ 60
π
︎ Mar 28 2019
My neighbor and I became good friends, so we decided to share our water supply.
π︎ 26
π
︎ Jun 08 2019
My neighbor and I became good friends, so we decided to share our water supply.
π︎ 4
π
︎ Jun 23 2019
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