Flatmate Puns

And he keeps turning sideways to avoid me

I prefer the ones that are round.

Me and my flatmate were watching a news story about a recent court case, they show a drawing of the accused.

Flatmate:"He looks like a dodgy character"

Me:"Yeah, looks a bit sketchy"

Flatmate:"...dammit"

flatmate has returned from overseas, they were coughing in the kitchen while doing dishes...

I said "oh no you have ebola!"

flatmate "no I have E-Plate-a"

FM: Damn, my last two eggs. I keep seeming to go through them quicker and quicker.

Me: Would you say you're being eggsponetial?

Needless to say, I didn't get a hot breakfast.

I was stood around making bad jokes about cereal and he says "can we leave the cereal isle now?"

as if god himself had placed them there i turned to the closest box of cereal near me and said

"cheerio"... of course the box was cheerios which made all of this possible.

Too much band width

When he arrived, he saw a lot of decorations related to frogs and asked me why.

I said: "It's because I'm trying to pull a prank on my flatmate. I'm trying to see how long it takes him to realise that our apartment is filled with frogs."

My friend said: "It's a nice prank ngl. Has he been close to finding out you live with apartment full of frog decorations?"

I said: "Not yet but I'm really starting to panic."

He asked me why and I said: "Because this type of prank is not easy. It requires a lot of Kermit-ment"

I got mad and walked out. After 3 years of being college flatmates, he doesn't even know my name is Tom.

Making horse jokes with my flatmate and I'm particularly proud of this one.

It leaves my flatmate completely breadless.

The Script and will.i.am could be your flatmates

My vegetarian flatmate was cooking for us this evening and I asked him what he was cooking. Flatmate: "I am cooking a vegetarian chilli"

Me: "Oh so you're making Chilli non carne"

Everyone in the room groaned and threw something at me, I don't think they appreciate me

Flatmate: Ah! Ronald [the dog] gets so smelly after he sweats! I didn't even know dogs had pores! I thought they sweat by panting or something!

Me: What are you talking about!? Their paws are on the bottom of their legs!

heavy groaning by everyone in the room