Joe Biden is reportedly looking to nominate geologists to be supreme associate justices

The news supports recent claims that he's trying to stack the quartz

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Strawbalicious
πŸ“…︎ May 27 2021
🚨︎ report
A sales associate spots an Asian man at a Mortal Kombat console.

She asks if the man wants to try it out.

The man replies, "No, I'm just Liu Kang."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Naitraen
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2020
🚨︎ report
My neighbour lends people money, but refuses to take on partners or associates.

He's a lone-wolf loan-shark.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/LonestarSurvivor
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
🚨︎ report
I own a kennel. Apparently, its conditions were so unsanitary that the UN had to get involved. When I came back from vacation, I asked my associate where all my animals had gone.

He replied "WHO let the dogs out."

"Who?"

"WHO"

"Who???"

"WHO"

I'll show myself out.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShowingMyselfOut
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2015
🚨︎ report
Walked into a retail store, associate asks "do you need a hand?"

"No thanks, I've got two."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/MystikIncarnate
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2015
🚨︎ report
What is the Tunnel Diggers Association's motto?

Boring is fun!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ParsonsTheGreat
πŸ“…︎ Apr 09 2021
🚨︎ report
Have you seen the car crash at the national association for blind people?

Witnesses claim they didn't see it coming

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πŸ‘€︎ u/5wiipr29
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter invented a writing instrument that never runs out of ink, never smudges and cures any other difficulties associated with writing...

It's a regular penacea!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2020
🚨︎ report
The president of the National Referees Association has been arrested for corruption.

Investigators haven't released the name of the whistle-blower.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/big_macaroons
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
From the Wikipedia article about the song Cherish by The Association.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/42alj
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2020
🚨︎ report
"It's a pleasure to be here as the keynote speaker for 'The Purple Fruit Growers Association'" said Tom

with much aplomb.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/RealTheAsh
πŸ“…︎ Aug 23 2020
🚨︎ report
I'm a member of the American Medical Association, AMA.
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ahotpineapple
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2017
🚨︎ report
A new father goes to a club that helps adjust to fatherhood

Receptionist: Hello and welcome to the NDA, or New Dad Association, how may I help you today?

Dad: Can I tell other people about this?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/dylans2090
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2021
🚨︎ report
What do you have to do to become a member of the Golf Equipment Repair Association?

Join the club

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πŸ“…︎ Oct 31 2019
🚨︎ report
I lied on my application for membership to the American Amputee Association

When they found out, I was dismembered.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Happy_Each_Day
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I got voted in as Chairman of the Walkie-Talkie Association today

The vote was 10 - 4

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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
🚨︎ report
Since flowers produce aroma, and flowers are typically associated with love, couldn't flowers be considered aromantic item?
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Fluffy627
πŸ“…︎ Jun 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Old man Art was planting flowers in his front yard. The homeowners’ association fined him $100.

Yard Art is strictly prohibited.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/boogerknows
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What's the association for gay colours called?

RGBT

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πŸ‘€︎ u/JustKebab
πŸ“…︎ Dec 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Why does the powerwalking association have a hard time electing a president?

Nobody runs

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tanski14
πŸ“…︎ Jun 30 2019
🚨︎ report
My Canadian friend was reluctant to emcee the Young Men's Christian Association event.

His exact words were, "Why emcee, eh?"

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ScottyUrb
πŸ“…︎ Jun 27 2019
🚨︎ report
I got into a fight with the Home Owner's Association about my gate. So they took it down.

I guess you could say they took offense.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Skididlydoo
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2019
🚨︎ report
What would an association run by professional nuns focus on?

Pronunciation.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/stitch1294
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
🚨︎ report
I finally got a letter back from the Bladder Association

Urine the club

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ice-_-Bear
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Fruit pun related to wealth

I want to make a joke about a rich fruit, and so am need to choose a fruit best associated with wealth, riches having lots of money, etc..

Can any of you pun masters help me out?

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kashasaurus
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2020
🚨︎ report
My daughter wanted to clean her cardboard rocketship with her face cloth...

Trying to reduce the enormous amount of laundry associated with kids,

I said, "you don't need to clean your rocketship. It's not dirty. Space is a vacuum"....

I could hear my wife's eyes roll in the next room. Success!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Tren898
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2020
🚨︎ report
What does DNA stand for?

National Dyslexic association.

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πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2020
🚨︎ report
Have you heard about the U.S. Cattleman's Association?

They have a real beef with meat alternatives.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mmm_migas
πŸ“…︎ May 04 2018
🚨︎ report
What do you call the directors at the Wrinkle Free Association?

The Ironing Board.

On the nose, but I just made it up. At least I have never heard it before.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ApexDovah
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2016
🚨︎ report
Need gnome puns ASAP

My mom’s friend is trying to write a card for her husband for Valentine’s Day, and he loves gnomes. Shes trying to find gnome puns to put in the card associated with Valentine’s Day. Please help because I don’t know any good gnome puns.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/mE-iS-wAfFlE
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04 2020
🚨︎ report
What part of the brain is associated with laziness?

The medulla idontgata

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πŸ‘€︎ u/welcomewilson
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2014
🚨︎ report
My friend said that stray dogs have no masters.

I agreed and added that they don't even have associates.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Coolmcq
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
🚨︎ report
Ordered pears imgur.com/4mvNAlx
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thepanazz
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11 2017
🚨︎ report
Help me help a friend: need a good pun

Hi, a friend of mine had to organize a β€œtheme”week for a Biology student’s association. The name of the theme has to be a biology pun. Examples are: smells like green spirit, game of thorns, sofishticated or the great catsby.

These names were all used in the past and now she needs new names. Help me out, thanks in advance.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Foxlair
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2020
🚨︎ report
Being undead only sometimes sucks.

I wondered why zombies, ghouls, and vampires are so closely associated. After all, why would decaying shambling corpses be associated with the suave Dracula-esque? then it hit me:

Most vampires are necromancers, but not all necromancers are vampires.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Ojiji_bored
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2020
🚨︎ report
What does DNA stand for?

National Dyslexic Association

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Noxxicityy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
What does DNA stand for?

National dyslexia association

πŸ‘︎ 69
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gqwr87
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2019
🚨︎ report
Do you know what DNA stands for?

National Dyslexic Association

πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArceusLord13
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2020
🚨︎ report
What does DNA stand for?

National Dyslexic Association

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RudzBotha
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2019
🚨︎ report
What does DNA stand for?

National dyslexic association

πŸ‘︎ 71
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 12 2019
🚨︎ report

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