My partner turned 40 today so I gave him some red, red wine and told him

UB40

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TL4Life
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water?

He had a very esteemed colleague.

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Russell_Pinto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
What did the kidnapper say to his partner?

Hi-Jack

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ziad4826
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I’m always Frank with my sexual partners

I don’t want them to know my real name.

πŸ‘︎ 198
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πŸ‘€︎ u/yomamascub
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call the Mandalorian's partner?

Co-Mando.

(Credit to my girlfriend)

πŸ‘︎ 7k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Shoretrooper
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
🚨︎ report
Just a silly joke I made up to my partner

How do you say thanks in fish?

Thanksalotyl

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/camocase
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
I truly am a monster. My partner is a nurse for context.
πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Salamirelish
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2020
🚨︎ report
My partner said that I looked constipated in our pictures

I was tryna hold my shit together

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wadesman26
πŸ“…︎ Aug 09 2020
🚨︎ report
Business partner 1:Hey have you signed yet?

Business partner 2: Yes in deed

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/harshamfk
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I gave my partner some money and told her to go buy coffee

She said, "Fair trade."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/billbixbyakahulk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 11 2020
🚨︎ report
I asked my welsh friend how many sexual partners he's had

He started counting but fell asleep.

πŸ‘︎ 63
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrcharlesboyle
πŸ“…︎ May 20 2020
🚨︎ report
I met my partner after we both reached for the same rifle scope.

You know what they say, love at first sight.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfyfancylads
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2020
🚨︎ report
I had a crush on my science lab partner, then she left the school

I lost My Chemical Romance

πŸ‘︎ 119
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Why do ambulance drivers always have a partner with them?

They’re pair-a-medics

πŸ‘︎ 288
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πŸ‘€︎ u/skeewbsontwitch
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2020
🚨︎ report
My partner is having a bad day at work, so I thought I would draw his favorite animal with a cute note.
πŸ‘︎ 31
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cjmeoow
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2020
🚨︎ report
I am currently writing an introduction to a novel about a young man trying to find his former partner.

I guess it's an ex-position.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moonxmochi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2020
🚨︎ report
When your partner's name is Martin
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sarahsaurus1993
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2020
🚨︎ report
My sexual partner got run over by a road roller

Now she’s my flat-mate.

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jlionbad
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12 2020
🚨︎ report
A comic series my friend is making about a mustachioed private detective, Jim Velvet and his bumbling partner Humphrey
πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/rezikmon
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2020
🚨︎ report
John was gay and he killed his partner. What was he charged with?

Culpable Homo-cide.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/vtshll
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2020
🚨︎ report
My neighbour lends people money, but refuses to take on partners or associates.

He's a lone-wolf loan-shark.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/LonestarSurvivor
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08 2020
🚨︎ report
You know why you should be my partner in the marijuana businesses?

Because you know I won’t smoke up all the profits.

Recreational marijuana was just legalized here in the state of Michigan, so my dad just had to make a joke. πŸ™„

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ArchyRs
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
🚨︎ report
My favourite thing to do when my little girl and partner are in my car.

Whenever I have to reverse I always do so slowly, let out a nostalgic sigh and say: "ahhh, this takes me back."

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/MouldyPingu
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
A Woman Gives Birth While Enduring Constant Puns From Her Partner youtube.com/watch?v=Dgc6R…
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bleedingrobot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I've been throwing bear puns at my partner all day but finally had to stop

They were going into Kodiak arrest

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Giftzahn
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
So long, partner.
πŸ‘︎ 17
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πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonlanderson
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
🚨︎ report
(true story) My partner had a scratch on his face

I said, "Oh, how'd you get that?"

He was like, "I honestly don't remember, I came home and noticed it."

I put my hand on his forehead and said, "Do you have a fever?"

He said, "Nope, I feel fine."

And I said, "Good ............... it's not a cat scratch then."

He still gets mad about when I bring it up.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/-ifeelfantastic
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
🚨︎ report
The sweetest thing you can do for your partner is lose a tennis match to them by not scoring a single point.

That’s love.

πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyeyedmcgee
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you tell your weightlifting partner when he loses an auction for a mattress?

Bad bed bid, bod bud.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ErichDonGubler
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife and I like to listen to Sonny Bono's singing partner on special occasions.

It's time we Cher together.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is a chocolate cake a bad partner?

Because it will dessert you

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
🚨︎ report
My partner overspiced the pasta

I should've seen it cumin

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/curiouscuttlefish
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you lovingly call your undead partner?

Zom-bae.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dkolby4
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
🚨︎ report
My partner makes me speak a certain phrase before I can look her in the eye.

She calls it her wife eye password.

πŸ‘︎ 122
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πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2018
🚨︎ report
If I tie my golf partner on the back nine...

...what is the best kind of rope to use?

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
🚨︎ report
My lab partner invented a device that will steal other people’s ideas and then delete it from their memory.

Why didn’t I think of that?

πŸ‘︎ 195
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2018
🚨︎ report
My partner couldn’t believe there wasn’t any toilet paper left in the bathroom.

I explained that I’ve been having a pretty shitty week.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Girlfromcloud9
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
🚨︎ report
The secret to making your partner go "mmmmmmm" all night long is

duck tape.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I walked into the biology lab, and saw my lab partner dissecting an insect.

I said, β€œI think your fly is open.”

πŸ‘︎ 41
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
🚨︎ report
My partner threatened to leave me if I made another game joke

What a strange thing to fallout for

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/quickhakker
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water?

He had a very esteemed colleague.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water?

He had a very esteemed colleague.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water?

He had a very esteemed colleague.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water?

He had a very esteemed colleague.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
🚨︎ report

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