I’m always Frank with my sexual partners

I don’t want them to know my real name.

πŸ‘︎ 193
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yomamascub
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02
🚨︎ report
I truly am a monster. My partner is a nurse for context.
πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Salamirelish
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23
🚨︎ report
Just a silly joke I made up to my partner

How do you say thanks in fish?

Thanksalotyl

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/camocase
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16
🚨︎ report
I asked my welsh friend how many sexual partners he's had

He started counting but fell asleep.

πŸ‘︎ 57
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mrcharlesboyle
πŸ“…︎ May 20
🚨︎ report
I met my partner after we both reached for the same rifle scope.

You know what they say, love at first sight.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wolfyfancylads
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06
🚨︎ report
What do you call the Mandalorian's partner?

Co-Mando.

(Credit to my girlfriend)

πŸ‘︎ 7k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Shoretrooper
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I am currently writing an introduction to a novel about a young man trying to find his former partner.

I guess it's an ex-position.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/moonxmochi
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19
🚨︎ report
My partner is having a bad day at work, so I thought I would draw his favorite animal with a cute note.
πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cjmeoow
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22
🚨︎ report
I had a crush on my science lab partner, then she left the school

I lost My Chemical Romance

πŸ‘︎ 117
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 18
🚨︎ report
Why do ambulance drivers always have a partner with them?

They’re pair-a-medics

πŸ‘︎ 287
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/skeewbsontwitch
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19
🚨︎ report
When your partner's name is Martin
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sarahsaurus1993
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19
🚨︎ report
My sexual partner got run over by a road roller

Now she’s my flat-mate.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jlionbad
πŸ“…︎ Apr 12
🚨︎ report
A comic series my friend is making about a mustachioed private detective, Jim Velvet and his bumbling partner Humphrey
πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rezikmon
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27
🚨︎ report
John was gay and he killed his partner. What was he charged with?

Culpable Homo-cide.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vtshll
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03
🚨︎ report
My neighbour lends people money, but refuses to take on partners or associates.

He's a lone-wolf loan-shark.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LonestarSurvivor
πŸ“…︎ Jan 08
🚨︎ report
You know why you should be my partner in the marijuana businesses?

Because you know I won’t smoke up all the profits.

Recreational marijuana was just legalized here in the state of Michigan, so my dad just had to make a joke. πŸ™„

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ArchyRs
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2019
🚨︎ report
My favourite thing to do when my little girl and partner are in my car.

Whenever I have to reverse I always do so slowly, let out a nostalgic sigh and say: "ahhh, this takes me back."

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MouldyPingu
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
I've been throwing bear puns at my partner all day but finally had to stop

They were going into Kodiak arrest

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Giftzahn
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
A Woman Gives Birth While Enduring Constant Puns From Her Partner youtube.com/watch?v=Dgc6R…
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bleedingrobot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water?

He had a very esteemed colleague.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 09 2019
🚨︎ report
The sweetest thing you can do for your partner is lose a tennis match to them by not scoring a single point.

That’s love.

πŸ‘︎ 22
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/crazyeyedmcgee
πŸ“…︎ Sep 29 2019
🚨︎ report
So long, partner.
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/andersonlanderson
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
🚨︎ report
(true story) My partner had a scratch on his face

I said, "Oh, how'd you get that?"

He was like, "I honestly don't remember, I came home and noticed it."

I put my hand on his forehead and said, "Do you have a fever?"

He said, "Nope, I feel fine."

And I said, "Good ............... it's not a cat scratch then."

He still gets mad about when I bring it up.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/-ifeelfantastic
πŸ“…︎ Jun 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Why is a chocolate cake a bad partner?

Because it will dessert you

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
🚨︎ report
My partner overspiced the pasta

I should've seen it cumin

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/curiouscuttlefish
πŸ“…︎ Sep 09 2019
🚨︎ report
My wife and I like to listen to Sonny Bono's singing partner on special occasions.

It's time we Cher together.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you tell your weightlifting partner when he loses an auction for a mattress?

Bad bed bid, bod bud.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ErichDonGubler
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
🚨︎ report
If I tie my golf partner on the back nine...

...what is the best kind of rope to use?

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2019
🚨︎ report
What do you lovingly call your undead partner?

Zom-bae.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dkolby4
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
🚨︎ report
My partner couldn’t believe there wasn’t any toilet paper left in the bathroom.

I explained that I’ve been having a pretty shitty week.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Girlfromcloud9
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
🚨︎ report
The secret to making your partner go "mmmmmmm" all night long is

duck tape.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jan_Tik
πŸ“…︎ Jun 18 2019
🚨︎ report
My dog started dog school this week. My dad asked my sister if our dog was going to have a β€œlab” partner. Which she does the other dog who is her partner is a black lab!
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/creamethcheeseth
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2019
🚨︎ report
My partner threatened to leave me if I made another game joke

What a strange thing to fallout for

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/quickhakker
πŸ“…︎ May 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I walked into the biology lab, and saw my lab partner dissecting an insect.

I said, β€œI think your fly is open.”

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 15 2019
🚨︎ report
I’ve always finished sex with a rainbow and, though it has driven away several partners...

I can’t cum plain.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jul 10 2019
🚨︎ report
My partner makes me speak a certain phrase before I can look her in the eye.

She calls it her wife eye password.

πŸ‘︎ 122
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2018
🚨︎ report
My partner is learning about male genitalia and vasectomies

I told her there's a vas deferens between male and female genitalia

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/izzydoesizzy
πŸ“…︎ Mar 31 2019
🚨︎ report
My lab partner invented a device that will steal other people’s ideas and then delete it from their memory.

Why didn’t I think of that?

πŸ‘︎ 199
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 08 2018
🚨︎ report
My lab partner came up with a device that steals other people’s ideas, and deletes them permanently from their memory.

Why didn’t I think of that?

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Sherlock Holmes'partner asked "how's your son?"

Sherlock said, "I have a daughter" Watson?

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hotsprings1234
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the French Trademarker say to his partner?

J'β„’e

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Mangosweetcheeks
πŸ“…︎ Apr 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did the spider break up with her partner?

She found a string that wasn't hers.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Everyone should try tying their partner up at some point in the relationship.

It's a great bonding experience!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/InDaRed
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06 2019
🚨︎ report
My son wants to see Marshmello partner up with two other EDM Musicians wearing helmets, named Chocolate and Graham Krackers...

He said he'd really like to hear S'more Music.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TKJ
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
🚨︎ report
Why did cat-woman's partner insist on vacationing in Nepal?

Because that's where the cat-man *do*.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fisherkingpoet
πŸ“…︎ Feb 27 2019
🚨︎ report
He wants to know what it's like to never see his partner again.

Guess that makes him bye-curious.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Witchywifey
πŸ“…︎ Mar 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I said to my friend, "My partner just gave birth."

"Boy or girl?" he asked.

"She's a girl, I'm not gay," I replied.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2018
🚨︎ report
A doctor, who was just newly a dad, decided to give a medical school lecture on the human reproductive system and what he learned throughout his partner's pregnancy. When a student asked what the correct pronunciation of ovaries is, he shrugged and said:

Oh, varies.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/noahep22
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
🚨︎ report
what do you call a superhero's female partner

His Side Chick

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2019
🚨︎ report
My personal trainer was having an affair with my partner, James

Now I'm going to have to switch Jims

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/whitebeaks
πŸ“…︎ Jan 18 2019
🚨︎ report
A Woman Gives Birth While Enduring Constant Puns From Her Partner
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bleedingrobot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 04 2018
🚨︎ report
Friend was complaining about her partner teacher at school, saying, "She has been in year 3 for 2 years already, this is her third...she is just being lazy"

I thought it was a bit harsh to hold a 6 year old back for 3 years.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Real_JT
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2019
🚨︎ report
Why are fussy partners best at bowling?

They have the most Xs

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/TommehBoi
πŸ“…︎ Dec 15 2018
🚨︎ report
Don't cheat on your partner with coffee beans

They could be used as grounds for divorce

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/souffle-etc
πŸ“…︎ Mar 05 2018
🚨︎ report
If you have promised your partner or children that you will love them and cherish them 24/7...

Remind them that today is

24/7

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/g0dfarter
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2018
🚨︎ report
I was really excited to call my girlfriend until I realised that she had another partner.

The phone said that she was engaged.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Drondol
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2018
🚨︎ report
My partner said she saw a baby so cute her ovaries exploded. Baby wasn't even that cute. Talk about an ovary-action.
πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/moses10960
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2018
🚨︎ report
my gay cousin recently bought a house with his partner

guess they are finally moving in twogayther

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MrImthatdude
πŸ“…︎ Sep 07 2018
🚨︎ report
Told my partner we should change our surname to Berry...

Then she could be my Boo Berry.

She wasn't amused.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fuddlesworth
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2018
🚨︎ report
They should really name a mineral after Jake's comedy partner.

Amirite?

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PaltosMcOlafson
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2018
🚨︎ report
My partner decided to lose quite a bit of weight recently.

It was a wife-altering decision.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/colonelbackhand
πŸ“…︎ Mar 04 2018
🚨︎ report
I stole my partner's mug yesterday

Me: I stole your mug when I had hot chocolate today.

Partner: :(

Me: I guess one could say that you've been mugged..

Partner: ...

πŸ‘︎ 115
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/phrober
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2015
🚨︎ report
Man’s girlfriend and ex-partner jump into river to see who he’ll rescue news.com.au/world/asia/ma…
πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/pnit
πŸ“…︎ Mar 19 2015
🚨︎ report
Why do people in the restaurant business make the best shopping partners?

Cause most of them are pretty good waiters

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DocKiffe
πŸ“…︎ Dec 31 2017
🚨︎ report
I beat my tennis partner so bad he started crying

I got charged with racquet-tearing

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lol_camis
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2014
🚨︎ report
I should look for my next partner in a nuclear chemistry lab. twitter.com/SoatokDhole/s…
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Soatok
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2016
🚨︎ report
Dadjoked my lab partner in Neurophysiology today.

We were doing a lab in which an audiogram is taken, so I had to wear headphones (that had been used before). I refused a sanitary wipe to clean the ear piece, and my partner said "Careful, you might catch something from that." I replied with a huge grin on my face "What, like hearing AIDS?"

Both my TA and the group next to us over-heard and groaned.

πŸ‘︎ 179
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Duceclops
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2014
🚨︎ report
Me and my organic lab partner are good friends. Our classmate asked if there was something going on between us...

I said no, we just have good chemistry. She doesn't talk to me anymore.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ghouch
πŸ“…︎ Oct 07 2016
🚨︎ report
Dropped one on my lifting partner at the gym

(Me, waiting for our other partner)

Friend: What are you doing?

Me: Weighting

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DropLeMic
πŸ“…︎ May 13 2017
🚨︎ report
Why did the sow leave her partner?

Because he was a complete boar who always took her for grunted.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 15 2017
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water?

He had a very esteamed colleague.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zxcv437
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2016
🚨︎ report
I'm talking to a potential romantic partner, when she pulls out these doozies...

What do you call it when Batman skips church? Christian Bale.

Why did the stadium get hot after the game? All the fans left.

How do you find Will Smith in the snow? Follow the Fresh Prince.

I'm not sure, but something tells me she's a keeper, guys.

πŸ‘︎ 19
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gotdamngotaboldck
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2014
🚨︎ report
Pregnant partner got me with this one

We were watching and feeling the baby kick. She seems particularly active today. Wife turns to me and says, "Looks like she's playing PokΓ©-MOM!"

We're going to embarrass the snot out of this kid.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VeggieQuiche
πŸ“…︎ Jul 26 2016
🚨︎ report
Its always hard finding out your partner is cheating on you with someone of a lesser calibre.
πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WorkMode
πŸ“…︎ Mar 30 2014
🚨︎ report
Think my partner just dad joked me and I'm absolutely gutted.

We were sat watching TV and I said "I'm going to have a lie-in tomorrow", she replies with "I'm going to have a Tiger"...it isnt perfect but she got me nonetheless.

πŸ‘︎ 47
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/blues_monster
πŸ“…︎ Mar 07 2014
🚨︎ report
Was at the doctor while my partner was getting an evaluation before hand surgery.

Doctor, to my partner about her injury: Do you have any other fingers?

Me: Well, she's got nine others, but it's only the one that's bothering her.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sheephound
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2016
🚨︎ report
I dadjoked my lab partner today.

We just finished doing our optics lab experiment and when we got out, my lab partner asked, "So, when do you think we will get to use lasers?" And I said, "I hope next week, but that maybe too optic-mistic."

πŸ‘︎ 28
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Fiziksphoolian
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2014
🚨︎ report
Got my business partner good with this one.

We were getting some ice cream when he said: "Whoa! That's a huge sundae. "

I said "It's more like a whole weekend."

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mynewromantica
πŸ“…︎ Sep 13 2015
🚨︎ report
My heterosexual life partner got me good today.

I think I'm going to go home and take a shower.

"Alright, just make sure you return it; it is rude to take showers."

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ucallurselfapoet
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2014
🚨︎ report
My partner bailed on me at open mic night...

Me: "This next song was written for two people, but since my partner couldn't make it I'll just have to duet alone."

Crowd: collective groan

The entire crowd rolled their eyes together, but at least I played well!

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/evansdead
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03 2014
🚨︎ report
my partner talked in his sleep last night

He usually mumbles something. But last night he said vividly: "That is the worst dad joke I've ever heard."

I think I need to stop telling dad jokes

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tbw875
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2014
🚨︎ report
Got my partner at work with this zinger earlier

So we were driving up the highway and an 18 wheeler with a trailer full of ladders drives past. She says I wonder where it's going. Without skipping a beat I retorted with "high places"

Groans ensued.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jonnymoon5
πŸ“…︎ May 11 2015
🚨︎ report
partner Dadjoked by our 4 1/2 year old daughter

So I have an infected lymph node. It's a little swollen. My partner was showing My 4 1/2 year old...

Partner: can you see the lump on daddies face? Miss4.5: that's not a lump that's his nose!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/elpieso
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2014
🚨︎ report
During a round of golf, my playing partner's pitch lands on the green next to mine

" Great, now we can be putt buddies!"

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WolfofMainStreet
πŸ“…︎ May 25 2014
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water?

He had a very esteemed colleague.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water?

He had a very esteemed colleague.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the scientist who was lab partners with a pot of boiling water?

He had a very esteemed colleague.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
🚨︎ report

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