I would date him in a heartbeat
πŸ‘︎ 5k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lady_hagrid
πŸ“…︎ May 28
🚨︎ report
Do u consider this a date?
πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/note_than62
πŸ“…︎ May 24
🚨︎ report
Two blind people went on their first date

They are seeing eachother for the first time

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/trevor557
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08
🚨︎ report
You call it, and expiration date.

I call it, a spoiler alert.

πŸ‘︎ 82
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/itim__office
πŸ“…︎ May 24
🚨︎ report
Never date a tennis player

Love means nothing to them

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Wavepoolsquad
πŸ“…︎ Feb 04
🚨︎ report
Sean Connery was making a tennis date with a lady friend.

He asks her "what time would you like to meet?"

She says "Tennish"

He says, "I know but what time?"

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/timthedriller
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
Jackie Chan went on a date. What does he say to break the ice?

Hi-ya!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Macauley_Sulkin
πŸ“…︎ Jun 01
🚨︎ report
A couple went on a date.

Girl: I like this place. How would you rate the vibe here?

*Guy starts leaving*

Girl: What happened?

Guy: You made it clear that you don't need a guy. You need just a vibe-rater.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PacMook_Bro
πŸ“…︎ May 20
🚨︎ report
Why should you NEVER date a ska fan?

They’re usually a two-toned skank and always horn-y.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PetriDishRadar
πŸ“…︎ May 26
🚨︎ report
I could never date a woman wearing makeup all the time.

They'd think something was wrong with me.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/incredibleinkpen
πŸ“…︎ May 18
🚨︎ report
The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve.

It was an Apple with limited memory; just one byte. Then, everything crashed.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DoomRulz
πŸ“…︎ Dec 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Never date a dental hygienist

They'll never talk about how great you are, but they'll keep finding your floss.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/supra_elongata
πŸ“…︎ May 18
🚨︎ report
I invited my hot date to the gym for a training session, but she didn't show up.

That's when I knew that we weren't going to work out.

πŸ‘︎ 82
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/AlexJamesCook
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18
🚨︎ report
My first date, I nervously asked my date whether she eats circular dough baked in an oven...

She replied, "that's none of your biscuit!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ May 17
🚨︎ report
My poppa told me the key to 50 years of marriage with my G-ma was a date night, once every month.

It just gets harder and harder to find a date every month.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jacobk24
πŸ“…︎ Jun 03
🚨︎ report
I used to date a Welsh girl who had 32 D’s

It was a ridiculously long name

πŸ‘︎ 113
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nxxname
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19
🚨︎ report
I went on a date last night with a girl from the zoo

It was great. She’s a keeper.

πŸ‘︎ 9k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/lolyfe-dc
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2020
🚨︎ report
[First Date] Her: So what do you do?

Him: I’m working on eliminating all Cancers.

Her: Wow! Impressive.

Him: Then I’m moving on to Capricorns.

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20
🚨︎ report
Why don’t librarians date coworkers?

Any time they try making plans they’re already booked.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zomida
πŸ“…︎ May 06
🚨︎ report
Gonna Start Dressing Like Genghis Khan When I Date Single Mothers.

Gotta show that I'm a good Steppe Father.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/OranMilne
πŸ“…︎ May 20
🚨︎ report
Would you go out on a date with Thor?

I don't know whether Hemsworth it.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/DuckyFacePvP
πŸ“…︎ Apr 28
🚨︎ report
I’ll never date an apostrophe again!

The last one was too possessive.

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FoldaHolda
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08
🚨︎ report
I met a girl on Tinder and we were going to go to the gym on our first date, but she stood me up.

I suppose we aren't gonna work out.

πŸ‘︎ 77
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Such-Fig-3879
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22
🚨︎ report
Why won’t triangles go on dates with circles?

They’re pointless.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Calm_Fan_381
πŸ“…︎ Dec 01 2020
🚨︎ report
I would never date Brendan Fraser

Guy has some serious Mummy issues

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/shadyshadok
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29
🚨︎ report
FIRST DATE: Her dad: "I want her home before midnight."

Me: "But you already own her home."

Dad: -turning to daughter- "If you don't sleep with him, I will."

Credit to u/psybermonkey15

πŸ‘︎ 28k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jomjimmerjome
πŸ“…︎ Sep 16 2020
🚨︎ report
[First Date] Becky: So what do you do?

Guy: I’m a beekeeper.

Ecky: You astard, give it ack!

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Apr 27
🚨︎ report
After she cancelled several dates with me, I told my crush she should start dating wheelchair-bound men…

because she’s really good at standing guys up.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/19triguy82
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20
🚨︎ report
I used to date a stewardess from Helsinki

I dropped her off at work one day and she vanished into Finnair

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23
🚨︎ report
If you are thinking of settling down, here’s some advice: Don’t date soccer players.

There’s only a 1/11 chance that they’re a keeper.

πŸ‘︎ 59
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 06
🚨︎ report
What did the bear say to her date?

I'll be down in a minute I'm bearly dressed

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/kickypie
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01
🚨︎ report
Her ideal date date: Beach and Brunch

My ideal date: MM/DD/YYYY

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/just_in_who_ung
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17
🚨︎ report
Why date a geologist?

Because they know what make the bedrock! πŸ˜‰

πŸ‘︎ 31
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Dinnen1
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03
🚨︎ report
What Do You Call Award-Winning Hummus That is Past its Expiration Date?

Posthummus.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jzagri
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14
🚨︎ report
The perfect date
πŸ‘︎ 332
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Un_FaZed211
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2020
🚨︎ report
An Astrologist and Law Enforcement Officer are on a date

Astrologist: I’m an Aries, what’s your sign?

Cop: I’m a LEO.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tritheist
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15
🚨︎ report
I went on a date with a catholic woman yesterday.

I tried to have a nice conversation, flirt, and enjoy our dinner, but she was having nun of it.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nexrotoxic
πŸ“…︎ Apr 11
🚨︎ report
When my wife and I started dating, I took her on a date that cost an arm and a leg.

I guess you could say I went out on a limb for her.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/theRiverknows86
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25
🚨︎ report
I asked my French date if she played video games

She said "wii"

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/avinash333bhat
πŸ“…︎ Mar 29
🚨︎ report
I was just told that it's best to masturbate before a date.

I guess I'm never masturbating again.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/incredibleinkpen
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25
🚨︎ report
How can you tell if your spaghetti is pasta used by date?

Just have a look in the colander.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WhatProtomolecule
πŸ“…︎ Mar 15
🚨︎ report
I wanted to date my math teacher....

I wanted to date my math teacher to have a chance of looking at her tan lines. But I cant, cos its was a sin.

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/David-EN-
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07
🚨︎ report
My date was supposed meet me at the gym but they didn't show up.

That's when I knew we weren't going to work out.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bryanBr
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08
🚨︎ report
You should never date an apostrophe

They’re too possessive

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Thornkale
πŸ“…︎ May 17
🚨︎ report
I met a girl on Tinder and we were going to go to the gym on our first date, but she stood me up.

I suppose we aren't gonna work out.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Such-Fig-3879
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22
🚨︎ report
I used to date a air hostess from Helsinki...

I dropped her off to work last week and she just vanished into Finnair.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VERBERD
πŸ“…︎ Mar 23
🚨︎ report
Why shouldn't you date tennis players?

Because love means nothing to them

πŸ‘︎ 72
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Henboi2
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19
🚨︎ report
I could never date a kleptomaniac.

I don't think I have what it takes.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/incredibleinkpen
πŸ“…︎ Feb 25
🚨︎ report

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