I would date him in a heartbeat
Do u consider this a date?
Two blind people went on their first date
They are seeing eachother for the first time
You call it, and expiration date.
I call it, a spoiler alert.
Never date a tennis player
Love means nothing to them
Sean Connery was making a tennis date with a lady friend.
He asks her "what time would you like to meet?"
She says "Tennish"
He says, "I know but what time?"
Jackie Chan went on a date. What does he say to break the ice?
A couple went on a date.
Girl: I like this place. How would you rate the vibe here?
*Guy starts leaving*
Girl: What happened?
Guy: You made it clear that you don't need a guy. You need just a vibe-rater.
Why should you NEVER date a ska fan?
They’re usually a two-toned skank and always horn-y.
I could never date a woman wearing makeup all the time.
They'd think something was wrong with me.
The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve.
It was an Apple with limited memory; just one byte. Then, everything crashed.
Never date a dental hygienist
They'll never talk about how great you are, but they'll keep finding your floss.
I invited my hot date to the gym for a training session, but she didn't show up.
That's when I knew that we weren't going to work out.
My first date, I nervously asked my date whether she eats circular dough baked in an oven...
She replied, "that's none of your biscuit!"
My poppa told me the key to 50 years of marriage with my G-ma was a date night, once every month.
It just gets harder and harder to find a date every month.
I used to date a Welsh girl who had 32 D’s
It was a ridiculously long name
I went on a date last night with a girl from the zoo
It was great. She’s a keeper.
[First Date] Her: So what do you do?
Him: I’m working on eliminating all Cancers.
Her: Wow! Impressive.
Him: Then I’m moving on to Capricorns.
Why don’t librarians date coworkers?
Any time they try making plans they’re already booked.
Gonna Start Dressing Like Genghis Khan When I Date Single Mothers.
Gotta show that I'm a good Steppe Father.
Would you go out on a date with Thor?
I don't know whether Hemsworth it.
I’ll never date an apostrophe again!
The last one was too possessive.
I met a girl on Tinder and we were going to go to the gym on our first date, but she stood me up.
I suppose we aren't gonna work out.
Why won’t triangles go on dates with circles?
I would never date Brendan Fraser
Guy has some serious Mummy issues
FIRST DATE: Her dad: "I want her home before midnight."
Me: "But you already own her home."
Dad: -turning to daughter- "If you don't sleep with him, I will."
Credit to u/psybermonkey15
[First Date] Becky: So what do you do?
Guy: I’m a beekeeper.
Ecky: You astard, give it ack!
After she cancelled several dates with me, I told my crush she should start dating wheelchair-bound men…
because she’s really good at standing guys up.
I used to date a stewardess from Helsinki
I dropped her off at work one day and she vanished into Finnair
If you are thinking of settling down, here’s some advice: Don’t date soccer players.
There’s only a 1/11 chance that they’re a keeper.
What did the bear say to her date?
I'll be down in a minute I'm bearly dressed
Her ideal date date: Beach and Brunch
My ideal date: MM/DD/YYYY
Why date a geologist?
Because they know what make the bedrock! 😉
What Do You Call Award-Winning Hummus That is Past its Expiration Date?
An Astrologist and Law Enforcement Officer are on a date
Astrologist: I’m an Aries, what’s your sign?
Cop: I’m a LEO.
I went on a date with a catholic woman yesterday.
I tried to have a nice conversation, flirt, and enjoy our dinner, but she was having nun of it.
When my wife and I started dating, I took her on a date that cost an arm and a leg.
I guess you could say I went out on a limb for her.
I asked my French date if she played video games
I was just told that it's best to masturbate before a date.
I guess I'm never masturbating again.
How can you tell if your spaghetti is pasta used by date?
Just have a look in the colander.
I wanted to date my math teacher....
I wanted to date my math teacher to have a chance of looking at her tan lines. But I cant, cos its was a sin.
My date was supposed meet me at the gym but they didn't show up.
That's when I knew we weren't going to work out.
You should never date an apostrophe
I met a girl on Tinder and we were going to go to the gym on our first date, but she stood me up.
I suppose we aren't gonna work out.
I used to date a air hostess from Helsinki...
I dropped her off to work last week and she just vanished into Finnair.
Why shouldn't you date tennis players?
Because love means nothing to them
I could never date a kleptomaniac.
I don't think I have what it takes.
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