Me: "Let's do it on the 12th, I want to be able to say, 'I got my diploma one week, and my wife the next.'"
Her: "I don't want to have the two events so close together, you can just say 'two weeks later.'"
Me: "It just doesn't have the same ring to it, but I guess it's still the same ring to you."
Their wedding invitation for next October told me to "save the date", and rsvp yes or no.
I replied "10-4".
Me: Do you know what tomorrow is?
Wife: The day we got married on.
Me: We got married on a Saturday not a Tuesday.
Wife: Fine, the date we got married on.
Me: It was a wedding, not a date.
Wife: You know what I mean!
Me: Sorry honey, I don't know what you average.
Edit: Line breaks.
Paul has a shitty life, his wife constantly berates him, his job sucks, his boss is a bully, his car is a shitty 85 ford pinto with a cracked windshield and is in bad need of a new transmission and to top it all off he's chubby, balding, and he has a small penis.
The only thing good in Paul's life is his friend Artie. Artie isn't the brightest bulb in the world, but he's always been there for Paul in the tough times. On October 5, 1953 Artie stood up for Paul against his bully in 7th grade. Artie got his ass handed to him at that time, but so did Paul. That incident resulted in a life long friendship. Paul and Artie went to the same High School together. They traveled around Europe that one summer in college. Artie was Paul's best man at his wedding. Everyone thought speech Artie gave was terrible, But Paul loved it Artie was his best friend.
Artie's life wasn't much better either, he never had the smarts for that great Job. In fact he was stuck in a dead end job as a construction labourer. Artie's car was pretty shitty too. Artie never married, but he was happy in the knowledge that at least he didn't end up with Paul's shitty wife.
For Paul's 46th birthday Artie was pretty broke, so all he could get his friend was a single lottery ticket. Artie being the sentimental guy that he was picked the date of the start of their friendship, and their respective ages (46, 45). Paul loved the present, and thought that the two of them should go to the Legion that friday to split a round of beers and listen to them call out the numbers.
On Friday they are both sitting there at the Legion having a laugh over a couple of beers when the cute lottery girl comes on the t.v. to read out the numbers. Paul pulls out the ticket and spreads it out on the beer stained table in front of them. The lottery girl starts reading out the numbers, 45, 10, 05. Both of Paul and Artie's hearts start beating, thats 200$ already. 53, Holy crap thats like a 10, 000 ticket. They both start losing their shit. 46....... Paul feints. He just won the jackpot. 37million dollars.
Two minutes later Artie finally revives Paul. Paul and Artie celebrate the night away, buy round after round for the people at the Legion and get absolutely shittered. They close out the bar and as the ugly lights come on they stumble blitzed, singing, onto the street arm in arm with the winning lottery ticket in hand and start the long walk back to Paul's place.
Halfway home, Paul comes to two drunken
... keep reading on reddit ➡My girlfriend is having her bridesmaid dress altered, but they pushed back the finish date. The wedding is next week.
I looked at her and said, "That's cutting it close."
It hit so hard that she might be pregnant (I'm not a dad).
My fiance was telling me about her best friend's wedding planning:
Fiancee: So I was talking to my friend about her wedding and she's finally picked a date-
Me (interrupting): Wait, isn't she the one getting married?
Fiancee (slightly confused): ...yeah...
Me: So why is she bringing a date?
Fiancee: ...
Just a taste of our future together:
Me and the fiancee were signing the rental agreement for our wedding venue, and she says, "Our date is October 1st, 2016. How does that sound to you?"
I respond, "I like it, it's got a ring to it!"
She went from confused to groaning in three seconds flat.
They started dating and eventually fell in love. They decided to get married. The wedding left a lot to be desired, but the reception was great.
