I would date him in a heartbeat
Do u consider this a date?
You call it, and expiration date.
I call it, a spoiler alert.
Never date a tennis player
Love means nothing to them
Jackie Chan went on a date. What does he say to break the ice?
Why should you NEVER date a ska fan?
They’re usually a two-toned skank and always horn-y.
A couple went on a date.
Girl: I like this place. How would you rate the vibe here?
*Guy starts leaving*
Girl: What happened?
Guy: You made it clear that you don't need a guy. You need just a vibe-rater.
I could never date a woman wearing makeup all the time.
They'd think something was wrong with me.
The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve.
It was an Apple with limited memory; just one byte. Then, everything crashed.
Never date a dental hygienist
They'll never talk about how great you are, but they'll keep finding your floss.
I invited my hot date to the gym for a training session, but she didn't show up.
That's when I knew that we weren't going to work out.
My first date, I nervously asked my date whether she eats circular dough baked in an oven...
She replied, "that's none of your biscuit!"
I used to date a Welsh girl who had 32 D’s
It was a ridiculously long name
Why don’t librarians date coworkers?
Any time they try making plans they’re already booked.
[First Date] Her: So what do you do?
Him: I’m working on eliminating all Cancers.
Her: Wow! Impressive.
Him: Then I’m moving on to Capricorns.
I went on a date last night with a girl from the zoo
It was great. She’s a keeper.
Gonna Start Dressing Like Genghis Khan When I Date Single Mothers.
Gotta show that I'm a good Steppe Father.
Would you go out on a date with Thor?
I don't know whether Hemsworth it.
I’ll never date an apostrophe again!
The last one was too possessive.
I met a girl on Tinder and we were going to go to the gym on our first date, but she stood me up.
I suppose we aren't gonna work out.
Why won’t triangles go on dates with circles?
I would never date Brendan Fraser
Guy has some serious Mummy issues
[First Date] Becky: So what do you do?
Guy: I’m a beekeeper.
Ecky: You astard, give it ack!
FIRST DATE: Her dad: "I want her home before midnight."
Me: "But you already own her home."
Dad: -turning to daughter- "If you don't sleep with him, I will."
Credit to u/psybermonkey15
After she cancelled several dates with me, I told my crush she should start dating wheelchair-bound men…
because she’s really good at standing guys up.
I used to date a stewardess from Helsinki
I dropped her off at work one day and she vanished into Finnair
If you are thinking of settling down, here’s some advice: Don’t date soccer players.
There’s only a 1/11 chance that they’re a keeper.
Her ideal date date: Beach and Brunch
My ideal date: MM/DD/YYYY
What did the bear say to her date?
I'll be down in a minute I'm bearly dressed
Why date a geologist?
Because they know what make the bedrock! 😉
What Do You Call Award-Winning Hummus That is Past its Expiration Date?
I went on a date with a catholic woman yesterday.
I tried to have a nice conversation, flirt, and enjoy our dinner, but she was having nun of it.
An Astrologist and Law Enforcement Officer are on a date
Astrologist: I’m an Aries, what’s your sign?
Cop: I’m a LEO.
When my wife and I started dating, I took her on a date that cost an arm and a leg.
I guess you could say I went out on a limb for her.
I asked my French date if she played video games
I was just told that it's best to masturbate before a date.
I guess I'm never masturbating again.
How can you tell if your spaghetti is pasta used by date?
Just have a look in the colander.
I wanted to date my math teacher....
I wanted to date my math teacher to have a chance of looking at her tan lines. But I cant, cos its was a sin.
I went on a blind date with a vegan girl.
Personally, though I enjoy the sport, I could never date a tennis player.
Love means nothing to them.
My date was supposed meet me at the gym but they didn't show up.
That's when I knew we weren't going to work out.
You should never date an apostrophe
I met a girl on Tinder and we were going to go to the gym on our first date, but she stood me up.
I suppose we aren't gonna work out.
I used to date a air hostess from Helsinki...
I dropped her off to work last week and she just vanished into Finnair.
Why shouldn't you date tennis players?
Because love means nothing to them
I could never date a kleptomaniac.
I don't think I have what it takes.
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