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Date Puns

A list of puns related to "Date"

I would date him in a heartbeat
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👤︎ u/lady_hagrid
📅︎ May 28 2021
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Do u consider this a date?
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👤︎ u/note_than62
📅︎ May 24 2021
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You call it, and expiration date.

I call it, a spoiler alert.

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👤︎ u/itim__office
📅︎ May 24 2021
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Never date a tennis player

Love means nothing to them

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👤︎ u/Wavepoolsquad
📅︎ Feb 04 2021
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Jackie Chan went on a date. What does he say to break the ice?

Hi-ya!

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👤︎ u/Macauley_Sulkin
📅︎ Jun 01 2021
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Why should you NEVER date a ska fan?

They’re usually a two-toned skank and always horn-y.

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👤︎ u/PetriDishRadar
📅︎ May 26 2021
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A couple went on a date.

Girl: I like this place. How would you rate the vibe here?

*Guy starts leaving*

Girl: What happened?

Guy: You made it clear that you don't need a guy. You need just a vibe-rater.

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👤︎ u/PacMook_Bro
📅︎ May 20 2021
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I could never date a woman wearing makeup all the time.

They'd think something was wrong with me.

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👤︎ u/incredibleinkpen
📅︎ May 18 2021
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The first computer dates back to Adam and Eve.

It was an Apple with limited memory; just one byte. Then, everything crashed.

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👤︎ u/DoomRulz
📅︎ Dec 18 2020
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Never date a dental hygienist

They'll never talk about how great you are, but they'll keep finding your floss.

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👤︎ u/supra_elongata
📅︎ May 18 2021
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I invited my hot date to the gym for a training session, but she didn't show up.

That's when I knew that we weren't going to work out.

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👤︎ u/AlexJamesCook
📅︎ Apr 18 2021
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My first date, I nervously asked my date whether she eats circular dough baked in an oven...

She replied, "that's none of your biscuit!"

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👤︎ u/thomasbrakeline
📅︎ May 17 2021
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I used to date a Welsh girl who had 32 D’s

It was a ridiculously long name

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👤︎ u/Nxxname
📅︎ Apr 19 2021
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Why don’t librarians date coworkers?

Any time they try making plans they’re already booked.

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👤︎ u/zomida
📅︎ May 06 2021
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[First Date] Her: So what do you do?

Him: I’m working on eliminating all Cancers.

Her: Wow! Impressive.

Him: Then I’m moving on to Capricorns.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Apr 20 2021
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I went on a date last night with a girl from the zoo

It was great. She’s a keeper.

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👤︎ u/lolyfe-dc
📅︎ Dec 04 2020
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Gonna Start Dressing Like Genghis Khan When I Date Single Mothers.

Gotta show that I'm a good Steppe Father.

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👤︎ u/OranMilne
📅︎ May 20 2021
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Would you go out on a date with Thor?

I don't know whether Hemsworth it.

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👤︎ u/DuckyFacePvP
📅︎ Apr 28 2021
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I’ll never date an apostrophe again!

The last one was too possessive.

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👤︎ u/FoldaHolda
📅︎ Apr 08 2021
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I met a girl on Tinder and we were going to go to the gym on our first date, but she stood me up.

I suppose we aren't gonna work out.

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👤︎ u/Such-Fig-3879
📅︎ Mar 22 2021
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Why won’t triangles go on dates with circles?

They’re pointless.

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👤︎ u/Calm_Fan_381
📅︎ Dec 01 2020
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I would never date Brendan Fraser

Guy has some serious Mummy issues

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👤︎ u/shadyshadok
📅︎ Apr 29 2021
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[First Date] Becky: So what do you do?

Guy: I’m a beekeeper.

Ecky: You astard, give it ack!

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Apr 27 2021
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After she cancelled several dates with me, I told my crush she should start dating wheelchair-bound men…

because she’s really good at standing guys up.

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👤︎ u/19triguy82
📅︎ Apr 20 2021
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I used to date a stewardess from Helsinki

I dropped her off at work one day and she vanished into Finnair

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👤︎ u/I_Only_Have_One_Hand
📅︎ Mar 23 2021
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If you are thinking of settling down, here’s some advice: Don’t date soccer players.

There’s only a 1/11 chance that they’re a keeper.

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👤︎ u/porichoygupto
📅︎ Mar 06 2021
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Her ideal date date: Beach and Brunch

My ideal date: MM/DD/YYYY

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👤︎ u/just_in_who_ung
📅︎ Apr 17 2021
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What did the bear say to her date?

I'll be down in a minute I'm bearly dressed

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👤︎ u/kickypie
📅︎ Apr 01 2021
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Why date a geologist?

Because they know what make the bedrock! 😉

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👤︎ u/Dinnen1
📅︎ Feb 03 2021
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What Do You Call Award-Winning Hummus That is Past its Expiration Date?

Posthummus.

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👤︎ u/jzagri
📅︎ Apr 14 2021
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I went on a date with a catholic woman yesterday.

I tried to have a nice conversation, flirt, and enjoy our dinner, but she was having nun of it.

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👤︎ u/Nexrotoxic
📅︎ Apr 11 2021
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An Astrologist and Law Enforcement Officer are on a date

Astrologist: I’m an Aries, what’s your sign?

Cop: I’m a LEO.

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👤︎ u/tritheist
📅︎ Mar 15 2021
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The perfect date
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👤︎ u/Un_FaZed211
📅︎ Oct 29 2020
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When my wife and I started dating, I took her on a date that cost an arm and a leg.

I guess you could say I went out on a limb for her.

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👤︎ u/theRiverknows86
📅︎ Feb 25 2021
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I asked my French date if she played video games

She said "wii"

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👤︎ u/avinash333bhat
📅︎ Mar 29 2021
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I was just told that it's best to masturbate before a date.

I guess I'm never masturbating again.

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👤︎ u/incredibleinkpen
📅︎ Feb 25 2021
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How can you tell if your spaghetti is pasta used by date?

Just have a look in the colander.

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👤︎ u/WhatProtomolecule
📅︎ Mar 15 2021
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I wanted to date my math teacher....

I wanted to date my math teacher to have a chance of looking at her tan lines. But I cant, cos its was a sin.

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👤︎ u/David-EN-
📅︎ Jan 07 2021
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I went on a blind date with a vegan girl.

Never met herbivore.

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👤︎ u/rhshi14
📅︎ Dec 31 2020
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Personally, though I enjoy the sport, I could never date a tennis player.

Love means nothing to them.

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👤︎ u/SydneyCartonLived
📅︎ Nov 23 2020
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My date was supposed meet me at the gym but they didn't show up.

That's when I knew we weren't going to work out.

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👤︎ u/bryanBr
📅︎ Feb 08 2021
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You should never date an apostrophe

They’re too possessive

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👤︎ u/Thornkale
📅︎ May 17 2021
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I met a girl on Tinder and we were going to go to the gym on our first date, but she stood me up.

I suppose we aren't gonna work out.

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👤︎ u/Such-Fig-3879
📅︎ Mar 22 2021
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I used to date a air hostess from Helsinki...

I dropped her off to work last week and she just vanished into Finnair.

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👤︎ u/VERBERD
📅︎ Mar 23 2021
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Why shouldn't you date tennis players?

Because love means nothing to them

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👤︎ u/Henboi2
📅︎ Jan 19 2021
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I could never date a kleptomaniac.

I don't think I have what it takes.

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👤︎ u/incredibleinkpen
📅︎ Feb 25 2021
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