My brother and I are on a tight deadline to make a bunch of Dracula action figures.

I have to make every second Count.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 30
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My dad invites me to a weekend barbecue; I tell him I've got deadlines

His response: If the lines are dead, why the hell are you still tending them πŸ€£πŸ˜…

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DJNana
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
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What do you call a perfume that missed its deadline?

Eau de too late

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πŸ‘€︎ u/AhmadRK
πŸ“…︎ Dec 27 2018
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Happy Tax Deadline Day !
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πŸ‘€︎ u/justlooking250
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2018
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What do you call people who complete their tasks in time and have no trouble with deadlines?

Anticrastinators

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πŸ‘€︎ u/charlesmgb5
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2018
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At work and my manager was reminding us our deadline to complete our computer-based Internet security class...

A coworker asks, "I'm swamped with work this weekβ€” what if I can't get around to it?"

Cutting my manager off I say, "You'll be sleeping with the phishers, see?"

[five second pauseβ€”queue collective groan]

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πŸ‘€︎ u/yessayason
πŸ“…︎ Mar 11 2015
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All year, I've been telling my friends I just want to meet someone, fall in love be married by my next birthday...

which was my 40th birthday. The BIG Four Oh! As in "Oh, you're 40 and not married? What's wrong with you?"

And my friends, as awesome as they are, kept setting me up on blind dates, but I never seemed to click with any of the women. Pretty women, short women, tall women, rough women, successful women, lazy women - I dated them all and more often than not, they just weren't interested in me.

I think I probably went on twenty or so dates that never resulted in a a single follow up date.

But two months before my birthday, I started dating two women and both fledgling relationships seemed like they were going somewhere as they were getting really, really serious. I couldn't choose one, but I didn't care. I just couldn't believe they were into me. Okay, maybe they weren't the best looking, but I was so desperate for a wife, and I'm definitely no prize myself.

With a few weeks to go before my birthday, I knew I had to act if I had any hope of being married. I bought two rings and propose

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Aug 28 2019
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Five friends were sitting around, debating which Pixar movie is the greatest

After a few hours of debate, no one was willing to concede, and it was decided that a vote must be held. Unfortunately, with so few friends present, it was clear that they would need to bring the vote to the greater public. The group decided that each friend would make a plea to the subreddit of their choice, and whoever received the most karma for it would win.

Adam, already undecided himself, decided to go to /r/AskReddit. He laid out the agreement, and asked that everyone vote one their favorite movie, and the one with the most votes he would use for the his friends. Unfortunately, as the votes were split in that sub, his highest post amounted to a mere 38 points.

Paul, a big proponent for the Toy Story franchise, posted to /r/nostalgia in the hopes that everyone who grew up with Toy Story would agree. Unfortunately, as there had been two sequels (with a third on the way) it wasn't exactly considered "nostalgia" and he got downvoted into oblivion.

Bill, who loved Monsters Inc., m

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Feb 22 2019
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I went out drinking with my weaver friend, but he left after a few minutes.

He said he had a looming deadline.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jul 04 2019
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I only have a few hours to finish weaving this blanket.

It's a looming deadline.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/wmyspr
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
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Remember...

So my daughter is in a group that lets one kid take home a stuffed owl for a week, and write in a book about what activities they did with the owl, and return it for the next kid to take home.

This past week was her turn, and it’s due to go back tomorrow evening. So tonight while getting ready for bed I casually remind my wife that tomorrow was the deadline and to remember to write in the journal.

I say β€œI wrote it on the white board so that we all have a chance to remember”

She replies β€œYou may have to text me from work β€œremember the owl””

So I go to the next room and text right then and there: β€œRemember the Owl-amo!”

I could hear an audible groan

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πŸ‘€︎ u/vanillaacid
πŸ“…︎ Dec 06 2018
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We were talking about getting things done quickly...

Me: We have a short deadline, will you please help ensure this gets done on time for our client?

Subordinate: Alright, GenAric, I am going to be rushin' to get this done.

Me: Well, you can be Russian... I prefer to stay American.

Subordinate: Did I just get dad joked?

Me: grin

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πŸ‘€︎ u/GenAric
πŸ“…︎ May 02 2014
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