Posthummus.
Friggin' spoiled brats
This happened last February while my mom was about to prepare some lunch.
Mom: This hummus is dated 2-03-13 but I guess it's okay...
Dad: Well your face is dated 2-12-1964 but you don't see us complaining.
I said, “No, I think most kids smell that way.”
Woo! Tang is forever!
Call it a gut feeling.
It sure tasted foul
You’ll falafel.
He died of old adage...
Now they're sending me threatening letters!
... i told him his yawn was expired.
(sadly, he didn't get it)
It would be mayo nice.
You put it out to Pasteur.
I found a recipe in a magazine but I wasn't sure about it because the recipe calls for thyme and a bunch of other spices. I had them all, but unfortunately they were all expired. I decided to make them anyways, took them to a party, and they ended up all being eaten, everyone thought they were delicious. I guess what they say is true.
People love that old thyme Moroccan roll.
...gonna call it Best By.
Immediately after I felt sick and had a vowel movement. I better be careful because my next dump might spell disaster.
The steaks have never been higher.
Choco late
because the sink might be Kellogged...
“Hey, I peed in the sink”
She said, “Where would you find the time?”
I said, “That should be easy. Next to the sage.”
The worrying has really been wheying on me.
I'll see myself out.
edit: a word
I opened it up and it was working fine, so I'll just wait till she's home to ask her what she meant.
If they’re pasta expiration date.
I guess you could say things are getting pretty sirius.
I'm looking for the expiration date.
"Did you go on an expiration date?"
She asked how you can tell if a date has gone bad.
I said usually the first sign is a lack of conversation.
Sorry.
^Also ^^what ^^^are ^^^^you ^^^^^doing ^^^^^^in ^^^^^^^my ^^^^^^^^bathroom???
Yesterday while cleaning the kitchen and throwing out old stuff from the freezer, I put a set of coupons for Harvey's restaurant in there.
This morning I got up and they were on top of the fridge. I asked my wife if she'd removed them and she said she thought they fell in there by accident.
"No," I said, "I didn't want them to expire."
It was a silent expired mint.
I didn’t mean to. But apparently egg season ended yesterday and my hunting license expired. Who knew.
So my dad (known as gramps) has taken my kids for a week for a fun summer vacation. While they were all eating at a restaurant, he texted me a conversation that took place:
Kid: "How do I know when my chocolate milk has expired?"
Gramps: "Look at the cap."
Kid: "Wow, they got this at best by!"
Whenever I see something with an expiration date that has a ridiculous time a lotted for consumption I will say... For instance today is august 16,2013 If i buy cereal today that expires on november 2015 I will say "we have to hurry up and eat this by november 2015!" Hahaha...crickets
