How do you celebrate orange drink that doesn't expire?

Woo! Tang is forever!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/waldo06
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2021
🚨︎ report
We have some eggs that are going to expire soon. If you can make something with them...

It would be mayo nice.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/zerio13
πŸ“…︎ Oct 08 2019
🚨︎ report
I just couldn't bee-lieve Honey never expires
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Oneguy4
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
🚨︎ report
If a sauce expires, will it be called Sausage?
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/acsrujan
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2018
🚨︎ report
I Wanna Open a Discount Grocery Store Where Everything Expires In a Week...

...gonna call it Best By.

πŸ‘︎ 84
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/LaserCop2022
πŸ“…︎ Jan 05 2018
🚨︎ report
How is it called when your cocoa expires?

Choco late

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/yetanothersmile
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2018
🚨︎ report
Do perfumes expire?

In essence, they do.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Simonsini
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28 2018
🚨︎ report
You call it, and expiration date.

I call it, a spoiler alert.

πŸ‘︎ 78
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/itim__office
πŸ“…︎ May 24 2021
🚨︎ report
What Do You Call Award-Winning Hummus That is Past its Expiration Date?

Posthummus.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jzagri
πŸ“…︎ Apr 14 2021
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me if I thought the kids were spoiled

I said "no, I think they're supposed to smell like that."

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bentnotbroken96
πŸ“…︎ May 03 2021
🚨︎ report
I'm pretty sure the milk I drank was expired.

Call it a gut feeling.

πŸ‘︎ 14
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KROMATIXX_
πŸ“…︎ Oct 02 2020
🚨︎ report
I ate some expired chicken recently

It sure tasted foul

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Maaaaatt214
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Never eat expired Greek food.

You’ll falafel.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/StochasticTinkr
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2020
🚨︎ report
This license plate is expired
πŸ‘︎ 21
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gavinwride
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the guy who expired for not following time tested advice?...

He died of old adage...

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Titeman
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2020
🚨︎ report
This expired license plate
πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/gavinwride
πŸ“…︎ Nov 07 2019
🚨︎ report
My subscription to the Scrabble Club expired...

Now they're sending me threatening letters!

πŸ‘︎ 37
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
ABCDEFGHIJKLMN u/expired_lemonade QRSTUVWXYZ
πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/expired_lemonade
πŸ“…︎ May 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Why didn't the expired dessert get invited to the party? reddit.com/r/Jokes/commen…
πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Valahiru
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2019
🚨︎ report
Bought these expensive sausages, and my ungrateful kids won't eat them because, in their words, "they're past the expiration date".

Friggin' spoiled brats

πŸ‘︎ 106
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Ganders81
πŸ“…︎ Jul 30 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you do with expired milk?

You put it out to Pasteur.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/laurelcook
πŸ“…︎ Dec 17 2018
🚨︎ report
my five year old just told me that he wasn't finished his yawn...

... i told him his yawn was expired.

(sadly, he didn't get it)

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/fisherkingpoet
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2020
🚨︎ report
I ate some alphabet soup last night for supper, I think it may have been expired......

Immediately after I felt sick and had a vowel movement. I better be careful because my next dump might spell disaster.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Eyetalianman
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2018
🚨︎ report
Do any of you have experience making Moroccan Rolls?

I found a recipe in a magazine but I wasn't sure about it because the recipe calls for thyme and a bunch of other spices. I had them all, but unfortunately they were all expired. I decided to make them anyways, took them to a party, and they ended up all being eaten, everyone thought they were delicious. I guess what they say is true.

People love that old thyme Moroccan roll.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/revolut1onname
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2020
🚨︎ report
For my Bbq I decided to expirement by marinate all the meat in THC oil

The steaks have never been higher.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dubeykeebler
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2018
🚨︎ report
You shouldn't put your expired cereals to the sink

because the sink might be Kellogged...

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ub_maple
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2017
🚨︎ report
My dad dumps expired peas down the drain. Then he looks at me and says:

β€œHey, I peed in the sink”

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Iswaterreallywet
πŸ“…︎ Jun 09 2018
🚨︎ report
I told my wife, β€œI’m going to arrange the herbs in alphabetical order from now on.”

She said, β€œWhere would you find the time?”

I said, β€œThat should be easy. Next to the sage.”

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 07 2018
🚨︎ report
Is it ok that I drank my expired protein shake this morning?

The worrying has really been wheying on me.

I'll see myself out.

edit: a word

πŸ‘︎ 62
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bigDB
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2014
🚨︎ report
My girlfriend left a note on my fridge this morning saying "this isn't working, bye"

I opened it up and it was working fine, so I'll just wait till she's home to ask her what she meant.

πŸ‘︎ 100
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wteyart
πŸ“…︎ Sep 18 2019
🚨︎ report
Expiration Dates

This happened last February while my mom was about to prepare some lunch.

Mom: This hummus is dated 2-03-13 but I guess it's okay...

Dad: Well your face is dated 2-12-1964 but you don't see us complaining.

πŸ‘︎ 42
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/storybookheidi
πŸ“…︎ Sep 20 2013
🚨︎ report
I just purchased 3 months of satellite radio after my trial expired...

I guess you could say things are getting pretty sirius.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sconzen
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2015
🚨︎ report
Expiration dates were the world's first spoiler alert.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ryantheoverseer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2015
🚨︎ report
Breathing 101

Inspire before you expire.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/drakens6
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2020
🚨︎ report
How do you tell if noodles are old?

If they’re pasta expiration date.

πŸ‘︎ 43
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Hephsters
πŸ“…︎ Mar 16 2020
🚨︎ report
My wife asked me: "Why have you been reading our marriage certificate for an hour?"

I'm looking for the expiration date.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/brisquet
πŸ“…︎ Sep 10 2019
🚨︎ report
I was Russian to the bathroom but I saw European.

Sorry.

^Also ^^what ^^^are ^^^^you ^^^^^doing ^^^^^^in ^^^^^^^my ^^^^^^^^bathroom???

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/0xFFF1
πŸ“…︎ Mar 09 2015
🚨︎ report
My wife was eating a date.

She asked how you can tell if a date has gone bad.

I said usually the first sign is a lack of conversation.

πŸ‘︎ 278
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BaltimoreBirdGuy
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2015
🚨︎ report
Set myself up for a Dad joke and it paid off

Yesterday while cleaning the kitchen and throwing out old stuff from the freezer, I put a set of coupons for Harvey's restaurant in there.

This morning I got up and they were on top of the fridge. I asked my wife if she'd removed them and she said she thought they fell in there by accident.

"No," I said, "I didn't want them to expire."

πŸ‘︎ 475
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/GringoDeMaio
πŸ“…︎ May 29 2017
🚨︎ report
"I dont know, it feels like the relationship was starting to go bad..."

"Did you go on an expiration date?"

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HumanAsFarAsIKnow
πŸ“…︎ Sep 02 2019
🚨︎ report
punny
πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Nov 13 2011
🚨︎ report
Out of curiosity, I very quietly slipped an old Tic Tac into my mouth.

It was a silent expired mint.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2019
🚨︎ report
My son unintentionally dad joked my dad

So my dad (known as gramps) has taken my kids for a week for a fun summer vacation. While they were all eating at a restaurant, he texted me a conversation that took place:

Kid: "How do I know when my chocolate milk has expired?"

Gramps: "Look at the cap."

Kid: "Wow, they got this at best by!"

πŸ‘︎ 33
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/vetokend
πŸ“…︎ Jul 06 2017
🚨︎ report
I poached an egg for breakfast

I didn’t mean to. But apparently egg season ended yesterday and my hunting license expired. Who knew.

πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wondering-knight
πŸ“…︎ Nov 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Do perfumes expire?

In essence, they do.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Simonsini
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2018
🚨︎ report
My wife asked if our kids were spoiled.

I said, β€œNo, I think most kids smell that way.”

πŸ‘︎ 8k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/justshtmypnts
πŸ“…︎ Apr 01 2021
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.