- You don't want to suffocate me?

▪I'll do it smother time.

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👤︎ u/uno_moss
📅︎ Jul 03 2020
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Just been to a carnival where they suffocate criminals by sitting on them.

Harsh Butt Fair.

👍︎ 10
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👤︎ u/ryanooooo
📅︎ Jan 16 2020
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Why did the Throne suffocate after the prince's death?

Well the prince was "air" to the throne.

👍︎ 17
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📅︎ May 30 2018
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So I just found out that Pythons actually squeeze your heart into stopping before you suffocate in their wrap.

I guess that's a little disheartening...

👍︎ 11
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👤︎ u/KeKaRoNi
📅︎ Jun 16 2017
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My father told me about an astronaut who suffocated because he left a vacuum upside down in an airlock

Father: What a horrible way to Dyson

Joke sucked, I know

👍︎ 30
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📅︎ Dec 03 2020
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A serial killer murders people by suffocating them with pig intestines

His media name is Wurst Case Scenario

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👤︎ u/buttengine
📅︎ Sep 15 2020
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Did you hear about the gardener who fell into a pile of his fertiliser and suffocated?

They had to do a compost-mortem.

(Credit to The Simpsons, the punchline came from a Treehouse of Horror ep)

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📅︎ Feb 09 2020
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suffocation is really breathtaking
👍︎ 19
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📅︎ Nov 12 2019
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Suffocation.
👍︎ 33
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📅︎ May 13 2019
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I applied so much spray deodorant in 2008 that a man suffocated.

Does that make me an Axe murderer?

👍︎ 76
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📅︎ Jan 21 2019
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Breaking news: 18 people suffocated after a leak at the helium refinery

Breaking news: 18 people suffocated after a leak at the helium refinery. It's not all bad news though. They all went out on a high note.

👍︎ 5
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👤︎ u/Stuborg
📅︎ Nov 08 2017
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I’ve found a great way to solve my insomnia. I just download an app.
👍︎ 3
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👤︎ u/cwwspurs
📅︎ May 02 2019
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A boy was feeling very nervous about his first date, so went to his father for advice. "My son, there are three subjects that always work with women: food, family, and philosophy." The boy picks up his date and they stare at each other for a long time...

The boy's nervousness builds, but he then asks, "Do you like potato pancakes?"

"No," comes the answer and the silence returns like a suffocating blanket.

"Do you have a brother?"

"No."

After giving it some thought, the boy plays his last card, "If you had a brother, would he like potato pancakes?"

👍︎ 2
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📅︎ Oct 03 2019
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Everyone in my class said I was breathtaking and I didn't know why....

I didn't find out until they all suffocated.

👍︎ 6
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📅︎ Sep 01 2019
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Dad Joke From One Dad To Another

I'm a dad, and I told my dad this, so I think it counts. It got a lot of groans, so I think it's great, if a bit long.


I once lived near a small, simple town where there lived named Hugh.

Hugh was a very smart man stricken with a series of personal tragedies earlier in his life. As a result, he moved to this small town and took a job in his local florist shop, relaxing the days away arranging flowers and trying not to think of times past. Hugh grew to love working there.

One day, a disaster struck the town. A small, single engine airplane crashed a block from Hugh's shop, killing those on the plane and setting fire to several buildings, both occupied and empty.

The impact ruptured a gas line, which ultimately exploded, creating a shock wave that caused part of the building next to the florist shop to collapse and trap several of Hugh's customers and co-workers inside. The situation was desperate, as the shop would be burned to the ground at any moment.

Acting quickly, Hugh located the gas main, shutting it down. Next, Hugh noticed a water storage tank nearby, and opened a release valve that suffocated the fire before it reached his beloved shop.

With the fire out, and the florist shop saved along with those trapped inside, Hugh was a hero. The town presented him with a plaque in honor of his courageous deeds. On this plaque was a detailed etching of a bear, and Hugh was touched because he loved bears. But it was the words etched beneath that truly touched him.

"Only Hugh could prevent florist fires."

👍︎ 6
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📅︎ Jul 08 2015
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