To kill a French vampire, you have to drive a baguette through it's heart.
Sounds easy, but the process is painstaking .
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︎ Nov 02 2020
What's green, has 4 legs, and could kill you if it fell out of a tree?
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︎ Dec 20 2020
Pun walks into a room with 10 people and kills them all.
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︎ Dec 30 2020
How do you kill a BLUE elephant?
Shoot it with a BLUE elephant gun.
How do you kill a PINK elephant?
.
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.
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Hold it's nose until it turns blue then shoot it with a BLUE elephant gun.
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︎ Dec 05 2020
It turns out the capitol rioter did NOT accidentally kill himself with a taser to the balls and the story was just made up to disrespect him...
I don't think anyone is shocked.
(Source: https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/capitol-riot-taser-death)
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︎ Jan 11 2021
Whatβs it called when you kill chickpeas?
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︎ Oct 20 2020
Sometimes John Wick likes to kill quietly.
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︎ Jan 08 2021
How much did it cost HYDRA to kill Tony Starkβs parents?
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︎ Jul 03 2020
Whats the last thing a serial killer hears before he kills his next victim
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︎ Dec 02 2020
Let's go kill time!
Daughter: Dad im gonna call 911.
Me: why?
Daughter: Youre going to Kill time.
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︎ Dec 14 2020
Just kill me lol
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︎ Jun 01 2020
(True story) My GF asked me to kill a spider in the bathroom today.
It was so small that I couldn't even see it at first. She had to point it out, a tiny brown pinhead crawling up our slightly-darker-brown cabinet about knee-high.
"How did you even see that?" I asked.
And she answered, "With my spider-sense."
I love this woman so, so much.
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︎ Nov 21 2020
My wife said there was a large fly buzzing around our bedroom and told me to go kill it. I rolled my eyes and said she should call 911. She asked why.
I responded: So they can send the swat team.
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︎ Sep 18 2020
What doesn't kill you makes you stronger.
Except for a grizzly bear. That always kills you.
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︎ Dec 04 2020
How do you call when a person kills his best friend?
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︎ Nov 22 2020
What's it called when you kill a friend?
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︎ Oct 30 2020
Why did Beethoven kill all of his chickens?
They were going, "Bach, Bach, Bach!"
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︎ Aug 11 2020
How do you "kill the lights"?
You hang them from the ceiling
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︎ Oct 21 2020
I went back in time to kill the person that made bread.
Now he yeasts to exist.
One I came up with myself
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︎ Oct 16 2020
My wife screamed in pain during labour so I asked, "What's wrong?". She screamed. "These contractions are going to kill me!!"
"I am sorry, honey." I replied. "What is wrong?"
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︎ Jan 27 2020
Whatβs yellow and kills you if you get it in the eyes?
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︎ Oct 10 2020
My friend said he wanted to bang his mom and kill his dad.
I told him that was some freudulent thinking.
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︎ Sep 05 2020
How do you kill a circus?
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︎ Sep 29 2020
Just kill and donβt go vegan
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︎ Aug 22 2020
Why did Mozart kill all his chickens?
Because they kept saying: Baaach Bach Bach Bach Bach baaaaach
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︎ Oct 28 2020
What's the best way to kill a circus?
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︎ Oct 18 2020
What do you call an assassin that only kills anime lovers?
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︎ Oct 22 2020
Kill me
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︎ Jul 31 2020
Pun kills ten
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︎ Sep 01 2020
Whatβs got two butts and kills people?
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︎ Jul 31 2020
Why did the socialist kill all the average workers at his factory?
He wanted to cease the means of production
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︎ Sep 05 2020
The other night I tried to kill a vampire with a really big pointy stick, but my aim was terrible.
It was a giant missed stake.
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︎ Sep 08 2020
You know, it seems like every time I kill a gnat, another one appears.
So, I guess you could say they're appearing at the drop of a gnat.
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︎ Sep 23 2020
If guns don't kill people, people kill people...
That means that toasters don't toast toast, toast toast toast
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︎ Aug 06 2020
I hate when spiders kill flies, theyβre such buzz killers
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︎ Jun 05 2020
Kill Bill
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︎ Sep 30 2019
What doesnβt kill you makes you.....
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︎ Aug 02 2020
What is the name of the assassin that only kills candles?
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︎ Jul 15 2020
What's green and will kill you if it falls out of a tree
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︎ Dec 22 2020
What's green and fuzzy and if it falls out of a tree on you, it will kill you?
π︎ 266
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︎ Sep 22 2020
A pun walks into a bar and kills ten people.
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︎ Nov 24 2020
What's green, fuzzy, has 4 legs, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?
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︎ Nov 17 2020
The only way to kill a French vampire is to slowly drive a baguette through its heart.
The process is a little painstaking.
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︎ Oct 20 2020
Whats green has 6 legs and if it fell out of a tree on top of you it would kill you.
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︎ Oct 06 2020
Whatβs big, green, fuzzy, has four legs, and will kill you if it falls on you out of a tree?
π︎ 134
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︎ Jul 22 2020
Whatβs big, white, and if it fell out of a tree it would kill you?
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︎ Sep 04 2020
Whatβs green, fuzzy, and would kill you if it fell out of a tree on to your head?
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︎ Sep 04 2020
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