You know the animal that kills the most people in the world?
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︎ Mar 03 2021
It turns out the capitol rioter did NOT accidentally kill himself with a taser to the balls and the story was just made up to disrespect him...
I don't think anyone is shocked.
(Source: https://www.snopes.com/fact-check/capitol-riot-taser-death)
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︎ Jan 11 2021
Whats the last thing a serial killer hears before he kills his next victim
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︎ Dec 02 2020
(True story) My GF asked me to kill a spider in the bathroom today.
It was so small that I couldn't even see it at first. She had to point it out, a tiny brown pinhead crawling up our slightly-darker-brown cabinet about knee-high.
"How did you even see that?" I asked.
And she answered, "With my spider-sense."
I love this woman so, so much.
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︎ Nov 21 2020
The only way to kill a French vampire is to slowly drive a baguette through its heart.
The process is a little painstaking.
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︎ Oct 20 2020
How do you "kill the lights"?
You hang them from the ceiling
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︎ Oct 21 2020
I went back in time to kill the person that made bread.
Now he yeasts to exist.
One I came up with myself
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︎ Oct 16 2020
Whatβs yellow and kills you if you get it in the eyes?
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︎ Oct 10 2020
What's the best way to kill a circus?
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︎ Oct 18 2020
Why did the socialist kill all the average workers at his factory?
He wanted to cease the means of production
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︎ Sep 05 2020
The other night I tried to kill a vampire with a really big pointy stick, but my aim was terrible.
It was a giant missed stake.
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︎ Sep 08 2020
What is the name of the assassin that only kills candles?
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︎ Jul 15 2020
Kills 99% of germs, the rest 1% cause bad puns.
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︎ May 18 2020
Why did the crazy Mexican kill people on trains?
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︎ Sep 16 2020
Why did the French chef want to kill himself?
He lost the huile d'olive.
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︎ Aug 15 2020
In the movies, silver bullets can kill werewolves.
In the military, it's used for analyzing heat casualties.
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︎ Aug 15 2020
Did you here about the murderer that only kills people with pepper?
They call him the ex-achoo-tioner
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︎ Jun 26 2020
Why did the scientist researching death and the afterlife kill himself?
He was dying to know what happens.
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︎ Jun 13 2020
What did the sniper say when asked why he couldn't kill his target when he realized it was his long lost best friend?
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︎ May 01 2020
How did the English teacher kill her self - cliff hanger!
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︎ Apr 21 2020
I thought the suspension would kill me.
When the bridge slowly began to collapse.
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︎ May 14 2020
I decided to kill off a few characters in the book I'm writing.
It would definitely spice up my autobiography a little.
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︎ Aug 22 2019
Why did the terminator kill people even after retirement?
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︎ Feb 21 2020
Why did the train kill the other train for no good reason?
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︎ Apr 27 2020
Pun enters the room and kills 10 people.
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︎ Sep 16 2019
What genre of book can the author not kill off the main character?
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︎ Jan 24 2020
Why did the world's tallest man kill himself
He had no one to look up to.
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︎ Feb 28 2020
What is it called when you kill someone with a bow from the high ground?
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︎ Jan 04 2020
Why did the lion born in 2010 kill the deer born in 2016?
Because the lion pre-dates the deer.
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︎ Mar 17 2020
Since vampires are supposedly hurt by holy water, I always wondered why priests donβt just say a prayer over every storm cloud, kill the vampires from above. Then I realized why there are so many vampires from Europe...
Someone already blessed the rains down in Africa.
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︎ Aug 06 2018
Look at that guy Russian to kill the joke
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︎ Jul 04 2019
How did the hunter kill the polar bear?
He hit him right between the ice!
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︎ May 29 2019
The dwarf fortune teller who kills his costumers...
...is a small medium at large
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︎ Sep 10 2019
We finally obtained the secret weapon to kill the evil Dolphin King!
It kind of defeats the porpoise, though.
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︎ Jul 03 2019
How did the triangle kill the square?
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︎ Feb 05 2019
My wife told me to take the spider out rather than kill it
We got some drinks, cool guy, he wants to be a web developer.
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︎ Jun 02 2019
Why did the maniac kill the train engineer?
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︎ Jan 05 2019
How do you kill a ghost using liquor that has been frozen in the shape of an icicle?
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︎ Jun 09 2019
Did you hear about the polish guy who thought is wife was trying to kill because he found βpolish removerβ in the house ...
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︎ Apr 14 2019
The tiger got loose at the circus and made it's first kill quick.
It went right for the juggler.
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︎ May 10 2019
It's not the fall that kills you...
...It's the sudden stop at the end
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︎ May 12 2019
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