All he was left with was a mushroom.
Nothing fancy, but was something I could always see myself doing.
Almost 40 and growing my beard out for the first time. Wife finally says "You know I'm starting to like it." And I could finally say "Yeah. It's growing on me."
"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"
"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.
"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"
I won't lie, it was a rocky road.
They always give straight "eh"s.
Now I drink for evil
Secretly (when my wife was out), I'd ask her "who do you love more?", and praise her when she said "dadda!". This has been going on for weeks now.
The other day, my wife got home and I wanted to show her my little 'trick'. So I asked our daughter, "Who do you love more?", in which case she replied "dadda!" and ran towards my wife (which is very clearly her favourite btw).
My wife, who didn't care much for the new thing I taught our daughter, bent down and picked her up to cuddle with her. Her facial expression changed a bit, then she laughed. She looked at me and said "well, she ran to me as she said that, and her diaper is full... so clearly she was full of crap when she said that!"
My wife is now in on the dad jokes and won this one!
Edit: Bolded the text to emphasize what part of this story was the dad joke...
Final Edit: My wife was surprised at how much this blew up! She says thanks to everyone, but she has no idea what the awards are for (since she doesn’t use Reddit). 😂
Now, I have spring rolls.
…..
It’s about time
He replied, "Deadlifts."
“You wouldn’t get it, it’s Norse code”
She told me to turn on the Air Conditioner
It was on my bucket list.
scene where Yoda gets so tired of answering Luke's questions that he just dies.
The Chicken Fettugenie!
It's about dam time!
Hola SENIORita
Wok this way, and talk this way
Complete success! The birds love it
In the subdivision where I live there are 2 open fields with cows in each one, one of those fields is being turned into a sports complex. My friends were wondering where the cows would go and one of them suggested that they would just have all the cows in one field, to which I replied “well then it would just be overCOWded”
Thanks guys
The Final Catholic religious service right before the world is destroyed will be held in an ICBM silo.
They'll have Critical Mass.
It’s about thyme.
.. A confused but also quite curious voice responds.. "What are you sinking about?"
He doesn't want to be spotted.
Usually by the closure wearing.
After 10 minutes, our goldfish finally settled down.
Hello! I have to make a presentation about how to avoid a shark attack for a final project in my english class. I suck at making titles, but can anyone come up with a clever one using puns?
It’s about time
It was cancelled because it was the 60s and Americans weren’t yet ready to have a gay old time.
At lath.
It's about thyme
Just so glad She's now finally independent..
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 0
But they encouraged me to immediately return to the vaccination center to pick up my glasses.
Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.
But she said I was too boar-ing.
