Delighted to say I've finally got a new job installing mirrors!
Nothing fancy, but was something I could always see myself doing.
It FINALLY happened.
Almost 40 and growing my beard out for the first time. Wife finally says "You know I'm starting to like it." And I could finally say "Yeah. It's growing on me."
The big bad wolf converted to Buddhism and there was finally peace in the forest. But suddenly, the air was filled with screams of terror! A bear asked the animals running past him, "What's happening now?"
"The big bad wolf!" a goat shouted. "Is meditating!"
"So? Isn't that a good thing? questioned the bear.
"Noooo!" the goat bleated. "It's become aware wolf!"
I finally got over my addiction to chocolate, marshmallows and nuts.
I won't lie, it was a rocky road.
I finally quit drinking for good
My house is haunted by a muscular ghost. I finally managed to communicate him him. I asked him how he got so muscular.
Finally my winter fat has gone...
Now, I have spring rolls.
I went to dinner with a couple of Vikings and they kept tapping on the table and laughing. I finally asked what was so funny and they said:
“You wouldn’t get it, it’s Norse code”
Once I became a parent, I finally understood the . . .
scene where Yoda gets so tired of answering Luke's questions that he just dies.
Imagine if Aladdin took place in Italy and when he finally finds the lamp and gives it a good rub, out pops...
After graduating from the Aerosmith Chinese culinary and language school, I can finally...
Wok this way, and talk this way
Finally took my chances and went put on the pull with my new aftershave called breadcrumbs
Complete success! The birds love it
8 months in and I finally got a good dad joke over the weekend.
In the subdivision where I live there are 2 open fields with cows in each one, one of those fields is being turned into a sports complex. My friends were wondering where the cows would go and one of them suggested that they would just have all the cows in one field, to which I replied “well then it would just be overCOWded”
Thanks guys
The Final Catholic Service
The Final Catholic religious service right before the world is destroyed will be held in an ICBM silo.
They'll have Critical Mass.
After almost a decade, I’m finally finished with my book about my favorite herb.
An English ship on the way to Germany suddenly starts making water and is about to capsize.. After some trying they finally manage to reach the coastguard "We're sinking, we're sinking!!"
.. A confused but also quite curious voice responds.. "What are you sinking about?"
I finally figured out why Waldo always wears stripes.
He doesn't want to be spotted.
How do others know when you’re finally over something?
Usually by the closure wearing.
Thank goodness I finally got rid of my hemorrhoid
it was annoying the crap out of me.
After all this home schooling, my kid finally lost control
Once I finally finished installing the thin wood flooring in my large living room, I thought to myself...
Apparently, the producers of The Flintstones were planning to make one final episode where Fred’s brother marries Barney’s brother.
It was cancelled because it was the 60s and Americans weren’t yet ready to have a gay old time.
Finally, a place to share this!
My wife thinks we should allow our pets to share our bed.... I finally gave in.
After 10 minutes, our goldfish finally settled down.
I’ve finally come up with a chronology joke.
A pun for my final protect title
Hello! I have to make a presentation about how to avoid a shark attack for a final project in my english class. I suck at making titles, but can anyone come up with a clever one using puns?
I finally got to watch this documentary on herbs and spices
With Lil Nas X's Satan Shoes, the devil can finally steal our soles.
I have finale cracked the most difficult problem. I now know all the digits of pi.
I finally got the Covid vaccine yesterday and as I was driving I noticed my vision was blurry. I called the vaccination center and asked if I should go to the doctor or hospital. They said no.
But they encouraged me to immediately return to the vaccination center to pick up my glasses.
What's up?
It's a movie about an old man turning his house into a hot air balloon
I thought that I finally met my sowl mate...
But she said I was too boar-ing.
They finally found out what makes dog sick
Finally learnt how to separate my washing into lights and darks...
Turns out there can be a bit of a grey area
I finally found a genie in a bottle! So I asked if it would be possible to change French positives to Spanish...
He replied, "oui shall sí."
I finally saw the new Justice League movie but when the heroes ended up in a funky little shack down the Atlanta highway, I was confused at first.
It was the Fred Schneider cut. Oops!
A friend of mine planned to use balloons to propose to his internet girlfriend, but then they finally met face to face.
He immediately popped the question.
I finally realized why trees don’t have teeth.
Turns out, they’re all bark and no bite.
I was walking past the river today and this guy asked me if his rod looked good. Then, he asked if I liked his net. When he continued on and asked if I was impressed by the amount of fish he had caught, I finally lost it and shouted...
"Hey buddy, quit fishing for compliments!"
What is a pregnant women's favourite part of a hike?
The water break...
Said this during a hike so it was all the more sweeter to hear the only two dad's chuckle.
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