If I ever win a big monetary prize or inheritance, I'll change my last name to Bates.

My butler won't be amused though.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DKS13G
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2021
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Today, my Son asked me for his inheritance

I told him, β€œOver my dead body”

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/DwinkyDong
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2019
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With great inheritance comes great willpower
πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/pavanrk1
πŸ“…︎ Sep 06 2018
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Did you hear about the radio personality who murdered his only son while broadcasting because he didn't want him to receive any inheritance?

There was a lot of Dead heir on that show.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/itsthearistocrat
πŸ“…︎ May 15 2018
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What last name belongs to a man who is annoying and inherited a lot of money?

Richardson.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Zapps2000x
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2021
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I inherited my dad's collection of shallow flat receptacles with a raised edge, used for carrying, holding, or displaying articles.

I feel betrayed.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Feb 08 2021
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Me: one day you will inherit all these priceless family heirlooms

My dumbass kid: dad these are vape pens

Me: no they are the family juuls

πŸ‘︎ 67
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TongueBandit69
πŸ“…︎ Oct 21 2020
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Every ancestor inherit treasures to their bloodline

That explains why I have so many hereditary diseases.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ“…︎ Jan 09 2021
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I used to believe in reincarnation…

…but the inheritance tax was astronomical.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/silashoulder
πŸ“…︎ May 09 2021
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What are you if you inherit a milk farm?

A derriere.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/IVIagnumIVIike
πŸ“…︎ Aug 22 2020
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I don't want to be an alarmist, but...

...my father has an alarm company and I'm going to inherit it.

πŸ‘︎ 16
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πŸ‘€︎ u/blastoise1988
πŸ“…︎ Apr 24 2021
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All the comic books I inherited from my brother have their last page ripped off.

I have to draw my own conclusions.

πŸ‘︎ 61
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 12 2020
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Did you hear about the Franciscan Friar who inherited 30 million dollars?

He was an heir friar.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/archangel09
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2020
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Back in 1993, I inherited a small fortune from my grandfather.

It said "A window of opportunity won't open by itself." The lucky numbers were 2, 4, 11, 12, 35, and 39.

πŸ‘︎ 4k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FunnyID
πŸ“…︎ Oct 23 2017
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I'm so glad our Billy inherited his mother's intelligence

...and I got to keep mine.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/K0ilar
πŸ“…︎ Feb 26 2020
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My dairy farmer uncle died leaving written legal instruction for me to inherit a single gallon of cheese production byproduct. Makes sense, because...

Where there's a will, there's a whey.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/DreadMoor
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
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What do you call pants you inherit from your parents?

Jeans

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Wall_Dijk4
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2019
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I inherited my grandfather's tax shelter today

http://imgur.com/C5p5it9

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/photoguy11
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2015
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I just made sure my son inherits our bathroom scale after I die.

Because where there’s a will, there’s a weigh.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 02 2019
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My brother and I inherited a watch from my grandfather, which we take turns wearing on special occasions.

It's a time share.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Jul 23 2019
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I inherited some terrible appliances from my parents after they downsized.

The only thing that doesn’t suck is the vacuum cleaner.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Mar 22 2019
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Apparently kleptomania is inherited.

You take after your parents.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Bigfoothobbit
πŸ“…︎ Feb 01 2019
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My grandfather made sure I inherited his protein shake collection.

Where there’s a will, there is a whey.

πŸ‘︎ 34
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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 26 2017
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What do you call it when a pro basketballer has no kids to inherit his wealth?

An Heir-ball

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πŸ‘€︎ u/eotzuofug
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2018
🚨︎ report
Power's out where I live so I'm hanging out with the family. Little sister inherited my dad's sense of humor.

She said we should go to the corner to warm upβ€”it's 90 degrees!

πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/RedTheTimid
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2014
🚨︎ report
This story is about a man called Trevor, and his obsession with tractors.

Trevor loved tractors. And I mean, really loved tractors. Forget any obsessions or high-level interests you may have, chances are they pale in the face of Trevor’s love for tractors.

Every day Trevor would get up, in his tractor-themed bedroom in his tractor-themed house, with its tractor-themed wallpaper and tractor-themed carpets, and he would make his bed with its tractor-themed duvet and tractor-themed sheets. He would go downstairs in his tractor-themed pajamas into his tractor-themed kitchen, with its tractor-themed tiles and cupboards, and he would eat his breakfast while perusing the latest tractor-themed magazine or annual.

Trevors’s degree in Agricultural Engineering hung on his living room wall, along with a copy of his thesis, which centred around (you guessed it) tractors. The living room was decorated with all sorts of tractor-related trinkets, including die-cast models, paintings and drawings.

The hedges in Trevor’s front garden were trimmed in the shape of tractors. His lawn was vividly decorated with tractor-driving garden gnomes, and his garden furniture was constructed from various parts from vintage tractor designs.

Trevor just had one thing missing from his otherwise tractor-centric life; he had never actually owned, nor driven, a real tractor.

Not for his lack of trying, of course. Trevor had been to many tractor shows over the years, and visited many farms with friends of his, but none of the tractors he had seen had ever been quite right. Trevor was so knowledgeable about tractors that every single one he had come across had possessed some hidden trait that he wasn’t keen on. His first experience of driving a real tractor had to be perfect.

One day, Trevor was flicking through one of his favourite publications, Powertrain Quarterly, when there was a knock at the door. Trevor answered, and it was his friend and fellow tractor enthusiast, Jeff.

Trevor welcomed Jeff in, and over tea and crumpets served on tractor-themed crockery, they discussed the merits of aluminium drawbars and front-end loaders. Eventually Trevor pressed Jeff to explain the reason for his visit.

β€œWell” said Jeff, β€œAs I’m sure you know the convention comes to town later”.

The convention. Trevor had been thinking of little else the past three weeks. The neighbouring town annually threw a convention for farmers, particularly farmyard machinery. There would be combine harvesters, lawnmowers, and of course, tractors.

β€œYes of course” replied Trevor

... keep reading on reddit ➑

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ShredderSte
πŸ“…︎ Aug 07 2020
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In life you gain some, you lose some. Can't have it all.

Like, you gain inheritance, you lose your dad.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/barujje_moshai
πŸ“…︎ Sep 11 2020
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I inherited my dad's sense of humor.

My dad pouring peppermint schnapps into my hot chocolate.

Dad: "Say when"

Me: "That's enough thanks, you can schnapp."

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Afrogsk8
πŸ“…︎ Dec 05 2013
🚨︎ report
WHY WOMEN ARE CLEVERER THAN MEN

Tom was a single guy living at home with his father and working in the family business. When he found out he was going to inherit a fortune once his sickly father died, he decided he needed a wife with whom to share his fortune. One evening at an investment meeting, he spotted the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Her natural beauty took his breath away. "I may look like just an ordinary man," he said to her, "but in just a few years, my father will die, and I'll inherit 20 million Pounds." Impressed, the woman obtained his business card.

Three days later, she became his stepmother...

πŸ‘︎ 9
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2019
🚨︎ report
A Punnet Square...
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πŸ‘€︎ u/greenishcrayon
πŸ“…︎ Feb 13 2013
🚨︎ report
The stars are bright

My dad is a Navy Vietnam vet who is about to be a retired GM electrical engineer. He is retiring against his will because he has had three strokes, colon cancer, a pulmonary embolism, necrotic esophagus, renal failure, pneumonia, basically a medical shitstorm and he survived it all. In the process, he has lost a lot of memory and quite a bit of his cognitive abilities and furthermore, his balance. However, when I took out the trash tonight at nearly half past ten, I couldn't help but notice how beautiful the stars looked outside tonight. So upon returning, I told my mom and dad "The stars sure are bright tonight. They look amazing." To which my dad then asked, "You know why they're so bright, right?" Now I'm an amateur astronomer. Hell, my first and only telescope was inherited to me by my mother who got it from her father. So knowing its winter and I live in Michigan, I tell my father, "Because its so cold and dry, the star light isn't blocked as much?" His reply; "No. Its because the sun went down. So now its darker outside." Dad: 1. Me: -5.

πŸ‘︎ 1k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Hyperbattleship
πŸ“…︎ Feb 18 2015
🚨︎ report
Grandfather’s ties

My grandfather was a farmer and he loved getting dressed up every year for the local fair and exhibiting his prize chickens.

For this occasion, my grandmother would spend the entire year searching through thrift shops looking for silly neckties for him to wear, and she loved finding ones with chickens on them.

When he died a couple of years ago, he bequeathed them to me in his will. When my grandmother handed me the bag full of them, my eyes welled with tears and I smiled thinking about my grandfather looking in the mirror and straightening his tie.

Why am I telling you all of this back story? Because the last time I tried to tell this to someone and I didn't give context, they thought it was weird that I was so excited about inheriting my dead grandfather's hen tie collection.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Kingy7777
πŸ“…︎ Apr 05 2019
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GF talking to my dad about genes.

Dad made this 5 second ago.

GF: You have a lot of genes that are not being expressed right now.

Dad: Um, no, I only have one pair of jeans that i like.

P.S. I am unfortunately inheriting all of his jokes. This one being a mild one.

πŸ‘︎ 11
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sramtq
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2016
🚨︎ report
My co-worker, a mother of two, got our office manager.

Our manager inherited some land from a lady he used to take care of. He told us a new buyer offered twice as much for half the land than his current potential buyer offered for all of it.

"The plot thickens!" my co-worker remarked. I saw it. I liked it.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tanman1975
πŸ“…︎ Nov 16 2016
🚨︎ report
When do the clocks change?

Mom: When do the clocks change?

Dad: Every second.

God I love the genes that I've inherited from him

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πŸ‘€︎ u/CdnRazer
πŸ“…︎ Oct 12 2015
🚨︎ report
The vicious cycle continues.....

First and foremost, this is my first actual reddit post (been a lurker for some time now). Anyways, onto the dad jokes. Recently as I have been getting older, it's becoming more and more apparent that I am doomed to inheritance of the typical dad jokes, especially my dad's favorites. Many a time now have I passed a graveyard in the car, asking any occupants, "you see that place over there? people are dying to get in". cue groans and stifled giggles But what about dad rage? Something his grandfather used to say, and he has said, and now I say....road rage makes for the weirdest rages. "Get out, put it on a string and pull it behind you". Yes, I have said that. I AM DOOMED REDDIT. DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOMED.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheMadMandalorian
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2015
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Laughing at a fart joke, a thought occurs to me...

The reek shall inherit the mirth!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Talmet456
πŸ“…︎ Aug 19 2012
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My Dad and iced tea

My dad doesn't like coffee all that much and drinks a lot of iced tea, something I inherited from him. Anytime we're in a restaurant, and he orders an iced tea, the waiter or waitress always asks, "Sweetened or unsweetened?" To which my Dad replies, "Unsweetened, I'm sweet enough already."

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πŸ‘€︎ u/Brain13
πŸ“…︎ Aug 08 2013
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I got one in before my dad, he was jealous

So, I inherited my father's hilariously lame sense of humor and love of dad jokes. A few years ago I was Skyping with my parents and my mom was telling me how they would come home and find our cats up on the kitchen table laying on the laptop. She said something along the lines of "I wonder why they're doing it so much."

I responded (rather quickly, I might add) with "They're probably looking at kitty porn."

My dad was mad that he didn't think of it himself.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/CraigularB
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2013
🚨︎ report

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