Not sure if OP was going for a pun
Was going to do a COVID joke...
This bloke said to me: ‘I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar.’
I said: ‘Is that a fret?'
I was going through the checkout when my card didn't work. The cashier said that I should try the card again.
I looked down at my shirt and said, "but I like my polo".
I had to explain it, but once she got it she thought it was hilarious. I'm very proud of this joke.
Guy tries to board a plane with a dead racoon. The flight attendant says, "sir, you're going to have to check that"
"Don't worry," he replies, "It's carrion."
My wife mentioned that our baby chews everything. I told her that he's really going to cost us money.
He chews through paper, plastic and the other day he Bitcoins.
My doctor told me I'm going deaf.
The news was hard for me to hear.
Well, well, well, what’s going on here?
“My wife is going into labor, what do I do?” “Is this her first child?”
“No, this is her husband”
I was going to put a Chemistry joke on here but...
My friend told me he was going to Bangladesh
My earliest clear memory from my childhood is going with my dad to get my prescription glasses.
Life before that is a blur.
My son has recently taken up an interest in music. We're constantly going back and forth trying to stump the other with trivia. He thought he had me when he chorused, "Hey, dad, what genre are national anthems?!" I laughed, "That's easy!"
Do mummies enjoy going to the movies?
I'm going to start a brew pub that also offers raisins, nuts and oats.
I'll call it the Granola Bar.
If I was going to steal anything from a store it would be a whisk
That’s just a.... whisk I’m willing to take.
What’s the worst part about going out to eat duck?
I was going to join the debating team
but somebody talked me out of it.
"Dad, I'm going to take a shower"
Going to a rock concert is a near-deaf experience
My wife told me she was going to run to the store
I said “you dont have to, you can take the car!”
I met a girl on Tinder and we were going to go to the gym on our first date, but she stood me up.
I suppose we aren't gonna work out.
I got a girlfriend by pretending that I play football. My friends don't think it's going to last but I don't worry.
She thinks that I'm a keeper.
"My wife's going to a nice place in the Caribbean." "Cool. Jamaica?"
Nah. She made the decision on her own.
Someone is going around smashing all of the shells at the beach. It’s unconchinable
Petco has a new Covid vaccine for animals & humans. In tests, some people have reported excessive hair growth on their hands. I'm going to get it anyway...
but it does give me paws.
My mates got cross with me for going on and on about how fun it is to drive stick. They suggested changing the subject.
I told them that I would shift as best I could...
Where do you put your problems when going to the office?
A fisherman came to me telling me he had just reeled in the biggest fish hes ever seen, and that he was going to give it to me for free.
I asked him, 'whats the catch?'
Do you remember when you were a kid and whenever you cried, your parents would say, “I’ll give you a reason to cry!?" I always thought they were going to hit me...
...not that they were going to destroy the housing market 20 years later.
I'm going to tell you all a story about strawberries.....
I ran into my old barber today after going to a different guy for the last few months. He asked me why I’m not coming in to the shop anymore and I said,
“You just haven’t been cutting it lately.”
I don’t usually brag about going to expensive places..
But I just left the gas station.
I told my wife I was going to build a car out of spaghetti
Should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta.
Clock tower maintenance workers are going on strike!
“It’s about high time,” commented the union representative.
Going out on a limb here hoping this is not a repost
I recall going to see the movie titanic
I had a bad sinking feeling about the end
My friend told me he's going to try to get a large group of wolves to separate from each other.
There's a lot to unpack there.
Mike Tyson is going to be the host of a reboot of Pimp my ride.
It will be called Cus-tom auto.
I’m going to open a KPOP themed discotheque....
.... and I’m going to call it, “Seoul Train”.
I was going to tell you a joke about trees...
Was in a bar when this guy said to me, “I’m going to attack you with the neck of a guitar!” I shot back...
My doctor told me I'm going deaf
The news was very hard to hear
My wife told me she was going to run to the store
I said “you dont have to, you can take the car!”
I met a girl on Tinder and we were going to go to the gym on our first date, but she stood me up.
I suppose we aren't gonna work out.
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