Why can’t your orthodontist release any of your medical information?

That information is strictly confidental

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Sal4Sale
πŸ“…︎ Feb 11 2021
🚨︎ report
Starbucks should release their own brand of facemasks, they could call them...

coughy filters

πŸ‘︎ 70
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BinaryPeach
πŸ“…︎ Nov 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I read a press release from Heinz saying: "We will never make a Bolognese version of our Alphabetti Spaghetti.

I thought, Blimey. They don't mince their words.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Release the .....
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πŸ‘€︎ u/insultbyjoshua
πŸ“…︎ Aug 15 2020
🚨︎ report
If a soda company wants to release a new flavour

they can

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Santak1ng
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2020
🚨︎ report
My son hates art so much that his body releases gas every time we talk about it

F art

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Doorbell28
πŸ“…︎ Aug 25 2020
🚨︎ report
Anyone know when EA Sports will release COVID-20?

I am trying to decide if I should preorder, or if it will be as easy to get as COVID-19?

πŸ‘︎ 22
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πŸ‘€︎ u/FriendOfDrBob
πŸ“…︎ Apr 30 2020
🚨︎ report
Limited release Harry Potter title
πŸ‘︎ 3k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ddh85
πŸ“…︎ Feb 19 2018
🚨︎ report
The company Volkswagon has said that they will release a new series of cars that use electricity.

They decided to call it, Voltswagon.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/SleepyCrow07
πŸ“…︎ Feb 23 2020
🚨︎ report
Counting Crows should release a song called CORVID 19.
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/keysnparrots
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2020
🚨︎ report
Hope they release the album
πŸ‘︎ 24
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πŸ‘€︎ u/klarcacariaga
πŸ“…︎ Feb 09 2020
🚨︎ report
I suggested to the national park service we release clay pigeons back into the wild.

That idea was immediately shot down

πŸ‘︎ 66
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πŸ‘€︎ u/The_Nightman_82
πŸ“…︎ Dec 30 2019
🚨︎ report
Apple releases a $1,000 monitor stand
πŸ‘︎ 115
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πŸ‘€︎ u/dabberzx3
πŸ“…︎ Jun 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Tech reviewers are just waiting for Samsung to release a mediocre new Note device just to say "It's not noteworthy"
πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fakt_adolf
πŸ“…︎ Dec 08 2019
🚨︎ report
The new Lion King movie dvd release date is only a week away.

A week away. A week away. A week away. A week away. A week away. A week away.

Wee e e e e e e e e a week away

πŸ‘︎ 32
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BoomerB3
πŸ“…︎ Oct 14 2019
🚨︎ report
I’m hoping in the next iOS update Apple releases they include more jack o lantern emojis.

But I don’t want to count my pumpkins before they patch.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/bluemelon555
πŸ“…︎ Oct 30 2019
🚨︎ report
(At parole hearing) Officer: Why should we release you?

Man: I th..

Officer: Yes?

Man: The reas..

Officer: Go on.

Man: May I please finish my sentence?

Officer: Sure. Parole denied.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 16 2018
🚨︎ report
In light of the recently release video of the democrats vs republicans asking why they are holding off the vote

What did the democrat say to the republican at the dinner?

Will you pass the bill already?!

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/moose_da_goose
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Special edition release
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πŸ‘€︎ u/A-British-Indian
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2019
🚨︎ report
When I was in high school, our prank was to release pigs with 1,3 and 5 painted on them.

After looking for 2 and 4 like crazy they thought...... That's odd

πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jrock7784
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
🚨︎ report
[ACTUAL QUOTE] A$AP Rocky was released from Swedish prison today. Donald Trump's tweet in response to his release:

"A$AP Rocky released from prison and on his way home to the United States from Sweden. It was a Rocky Week, get home ASAP A$AP!"

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gentlesir123
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2019
🚨︎ report
FDA releases a new warning for black licorice this trick or treat season.

"It tastes like shit"

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/karmisson
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
🚨︎ report
Why don’t companies release a model 9 for their products (iPhone 9, Windows 9, etc.) ?

Because 7 8 9

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/YoBoiRudy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Apparently I have to release everything I catch when i go fishing today.

They tell me there's this thing called throw back Thursday.

πŸ‘︎ 44
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πŸ‘€︎ u/wmyspr
πŸ“…︎ Apr 25 2019
🚨︎ report
Early release

A stuttering man was released from prison early

He could not finish his sentence

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/tfowler11
πŸ“…︎ May 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Samsung delays the release of their new tablet/phone collab...

Guess the plan just didn't unfold.

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πŸ‘€︎ u/ZestyBiscotti
πŸ“…︎ Apr 22 2019
🚨︎ report
Im going to release my next on AUgust.

Hopefully I get gold by then

Edit : Next pun*

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/KingDoni
πŸ“…︎ Apr 19 2018
🚨︎ report
Why did Apple celebrate the release of their plus-sized phone?

Because it was a huge 6s.

πŸ‘︎ 200
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jpbrunette
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2017
🚨︎ report
I wanna create a Pork Rind snack called β€œRelease The Cracklin’s”
πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2018
🚨︎ report
When Sir Isaac Newton was about to release his book on gravity, he had his friends look over the draft...

It was a preview of coming attractions!

My 22-year-old son came up with this joke and I thought it too special to not share!

Or something like that to get me gold, silver and platinum awards. Thanks in advance!

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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Apr 06 2019
🚨︎ report
There is one animal in the ocean that marine biologists are refusing to release any date on. Apparently, it’s a sea crit.
πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ“…︎ Dec 11 2018
🚨︎ report
The Stranger Things season 3 release feels soooo far away.

By the time it airs, she's gonna be called Fifteen.

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Moonwatcher-451
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01 2019
🚨︎ report
Apple to Release New Software Update for the Visually Impaired: iPatch

>i'm ^sorry ^^i'll ^^^show ^^^^myself ^^^^^out

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πŸ‘€︎ u/EstusFiend
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2017
🚨︎ report
apple is rumored to release the iPhone X-SE this year to revitalize sales.

Stock holders are TENSE

πŸ‘︎ 14
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πŸ‘€︎ u/microwaveDiamonds
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2018
🚨︎ report
Audi should release a line of activewear called 'Squattro'

I felt this was a little to punny for /r/showerthoughts

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Testercles
πŸ“…︎ Oct 06 2017
🚨︎ report
Scientists have learned how to send humans into the future. Unfortunately, the process causes the subject's bowels to release uncontrollably.

It's a real blast from the past.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mrthatsthat
πŸ“…︎ May 07 2018
🚨︎ report
Beastie boys are set to release a 5 part piece on there history...

You can get parts a,b,c,d but you've gotta fight for your right to part E

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Reg182
πŸ“…︎ Mar 21 2017
🚨︎ report
The band Kiss decided to release their own pants clothing line.

It's called Jean Simmons.

πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Godzilla_KOM
πŸ“…︎ Aug 04 2017
🚨︎ report
Notice: Local Rap Artist Gershwin has announced that he will release his newest recordings only in the Compact Disk format, and they will be packaged in Periwinkle paper. So just look for:

Gershwin's rapped CD's in blue.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/slowshot
πŸ“…︎ Jan 27 2018
🚨︎ report
What phone line does the White House send its official press releases from now?

The alternative fax.

πŸ‘︎ 10
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OK_Compooper
πŸ“…︎ Jan 23 2017
🚨︎ report
My step-dad ordered a case of wine with a release date.

Yes, apparently this is a thing. It's called Beaujolais Nouveau.

So they'll deliver it in time for release, he had to sign an document to swear that he wouldn't open it before the official date, and insists he won't open it early "in case they find out".

"They'll never know though," I said, "unless they hear it through the grapevine."

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/mr_bez
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2016
🚨︎ report
Meta: in the year 2017, Google release www.jokes.dad as a domain.

Can we make sure one of us buys it and makes something magical and Full of dad jokes for it?

πŸ‘︎ 4
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πŸ‘€︎ u/TheGeorge
πŸ“…︎ Nov 03 2016
🚨︎ report
I hear the Jungle Book is getting a remastered release.

It'll be released on BalooRay.

πŸ‘︎ 68
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πŸ‘€︎ u/macrocephale
πŸ“…︎ Jun 08 2014
🚨︎ report
Why did the monarchist release an album?

He wanted royalties.

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/sinRes
πŸ“…︎ Jul 25 2015
🚨︎ report

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