Why canβt your orthodontist release any of your medical information?
That information is strictly confidental
π︎ 4
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︎ Feb 11 2021
Starbucks should release their own brand of facemasks, they could call them...
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︎ Nov 30 2020
I read a press release from Heinz saying: "We will never make a Bolognese version of our Alphabetti Spaghetti.
I thought, Blimey. They don't mince their words.
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︎ Nov 18 2020
Release the .....
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︎ Aug 15 2020
If a soda company wants to release a new flavour
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︎ Apr 29 2020
My son hates art so much that his body releases gas every time we talk about it
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︎ Aug 25 2020
Anyone know when EA Sports will release COVID-20?
I am trying to decide if I should preorder, or if it will be as easy to get as COVID-19?
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︎ Apr 30 2020
The company Volkswagon has said that they will release a new series of cars that use electricity.
They decided to call it, Voltswagon.
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︎ Feb 23 2020
Counting Crows should release a song called CORVID 19.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Apr 07 2020
Hope they release the album
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︎ Feb 09 2020
Limited release Harry Potter title
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︎ Feb 19 2018
I suggested to the national park service we release clay pigeons back into the wild.
That idea was immediately shot down
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︎ Dec 30 2019
Apple releases a $1,000 monitor stand
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︎ Jun 05 2019
Tech reviewers are just waiting for Samsung to release a mediocre new Note device just to say "It's not noteworthy"
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︎ Dec 08 2019
The new Lion King movie dvd release date is only a week away.
A week away. A week away. A week away. A week away. A week away. A week away.
Wee e e e e e e e e a week away
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︎ Oct 14 2019
Iβm hoping in the next iOS update Apple releases they include more jack o lantern emojis.
But I donβt want to count my pumpkins before they patch.
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︎ Oct 30 2019
In light of the recently release video of the democrats vs republicans asking why they are holding off the vote
What did the democrat say to the republican at the dinner?
Will you pass the bill already?!
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︎ Nov 01 2019
(At parole hearing) Officer: Why should we release you?
Man: I th..
Officer: Yes?
Man: The reas..
Officer: Go on.
Man: May I please finish my sentence?
Officer: Sure. Parole denied.
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︎ Dec 16 2018
Special edition release
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︎ Apr 19 2019
When I was in high school, our prank was to release pigs with 1,3 and 5 painted on them.
After looking for 2 and 4 like crazy they thought...... That's odd
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︎ Aug 14 2019
[ACTUAL QUOTE] A$AP Rocky was released from Swedish prison today. Donald Trump's tweet in response to his release:
"A$AP Rocky released from prison and on his way home to the United States from Sweden. It was a Rocky Week, get home ASAP A$AP!"
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︎ Aug 02 2019
FDA releases a new warning for black licorice this trick or treat season.
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︎ Oct 17 2019
Why donβt companies release a model 9 for their products (iPhone 9, Windows 9, etc.) ?
π︎ 7
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︎ Dec 14 2018
Apparently I have to release everything I catch when i go fishing today.
They tell me there's this thing called throw back Thursday.
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︎ Apr 25 2019
Early release
A stuttering man was released from prison early
He could not finish his sentence
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︎ May 08 2019
Samsung delays the release of their new tablet/phone collab...
Guess the plan just didn't unfold.
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︎ Apr 22 2019
Im going to release my next on AUgust.
Hopefully I get gold by then
Edit : Next pun*
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π
︎ Apr 19 2018
Why did Apple celebrate the release of their plus-sized phone?
Because it was a huge 6s.
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︎ Jan 11 2017
I wanna create a Pork Rind snack called βRelease The Cracklinβsβ
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jun 06 2018
There is one animal in the ocean that marine biologists are refusing to release any date on. Apparently, itβs a sea crit.
π︎ 6
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︎ Dec 11 2018
Apple to Release New Software Update for the Visually Impaired: iPatch
>i'm ^sorry ^^i'll ^^^show ^^^^myself ^^^^^out
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︎ Sep 25 2017
apple is rumored to release the iPhone X-SE this year to revitalize sales.
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︎ Apr 07 2018
Audi should release a line of activewear called 'Squattro'
I felt this was a little to punny for /r/showerthoughts
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︎ Oct 06 2017
Scientists have learned how to send humans into the future. Unfortunately, the process causes the subject's bowels to release uncontrollably.
It's a real blast from the past.
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π
︎ May 07 2018
Beastie boys are set to release a 5 part piece on there history...
You can get parts a,b,c,d but you've gotta fight for your right to part E
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︎ Mar 21 2017
Notice: Local Rap Artist Gershwin has announced that he will release his newest recordings only in the Compact Disk format, and they will be packaged in Periwinkle paper. So just look for:
Gershwin's rapped CD's in blue.
π︎ 5
π
︎ Jan 27 2018
[Spoiler] So, I heard Toys βRβ Us is going to release a new TLJ Snoke Action Figure
but he will be released in two pieces
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π
︎ Jan 29 2018
The band Kiss decided to release their own pants clothing line.
It's called Jean Simmons.
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︎ Aug 04 2017
What phone line does the White House send its official press releases from now?
π︎ 8
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︎ Jan 23 2017
My step-dad ordered a case of wine with a release date.
Yes, apparently this is a thing. It's called Beaujolais Nouveau.
So they'll deliver it in time for release, he had to sign an document to swear that he wouldn't open it before the official date, and insists he won't open it early "in case they find out".
"They'll never know though," I said, "unless they hear it through the grapevine."
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︎ Oct 29 2016
Meta: in the year 2017, Google release www.jokes.dad as a domain.
Can we make sure one of us buys it and makes something magical and Full of dad jokes for it?
π︎ 5
π
︎ Nov 03 2016
I hear the Jungle Book is getting a remastered release.
It'll be released on BalooRay.
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π
︎ Jun 08 2014
Why did the monarchist release an album?
π︎ 3
π
︎ Jul 25 2015
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