I'm planning to implement a new weight-loss method that will require people to wear winter gloves making it harder for them to eat.

I will call it "Inter-mitten fasting".

πŸ‘︎ 108
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πŸ‘€︎ u/jhnrmn
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about Dolly Parton’s new weight loss coffee?

It’s called Joe Lean.

πŸ‘︎ 21
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Jayrandomer
πŸ“…︎ Jan 12
🚨︎ report
My twins give me chills, dehydration, fatigue, fever, loss of appetite, and extreme diarrhea.

Their names are Sam and Ella.

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Anddditburns
πŸ“…︎ Dec 10 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know that too much sex can cause memory loss??

I read that in a medical journal on page 34 at 12:22 pm on September 23rd of last year.

πŸ‘︎ 62
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ThaCrimsonChinn
πŸ“…︎ Oct 03 2020
🚨︎ report
What do you call a big weight loss?

A mass murder

πŸ‘︎ 27
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/VintageDavis
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2020
🚨︎ report
Tried coming up with a good meme, but I found myself at a loss.
πŸ‘︎ 12
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Persony_Person_04
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2020
🚨︎ report
What dessert is popular amongst those with memory loss?

Affogato

πŸ‘︎ 3
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πŸ‘€︎ u/OrangesAreLove
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2020
🚨︎ report
Hearing loss.

https://preview.redd.it/el0b8g5ppsd51.png?width=532&format=png&auto=webp&s=ab5dcea74bed5f718e2302d61dee111ec7fda5ee

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Criz454
πŸ“…︎ Jul 29 2020
🚨︎ report
I’d tell you a joke about memory loss but..

I forgot.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/face-spunk
πŸ“…︎ Aug 27 2020
🚨︎ report
I’ve been writing a book on weight loss.

I hope it will appeal to a wide audience.

πŸ‘︎ 40
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/FinalCaveat
πŸ“…︎ Jul 16 2020
🚨︎ report
Doctor: You have a disease that causes memory loss.

Me: Is it contagious?

Doctor: Is what contagious?

πŸ‘︎ 83
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Rav4xle
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2020
🚨︎ report
I joined the French Submarine Corps to learn how to deal with the loss of a loved one.

They taught me periscoping techniques.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HouseofKannan
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Did you know that having too much sex causes memory loss?

Or at least that what page 137 figure II part B of my middle school science textbook said.

πŸ‘︎ 194
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 11 2020
🚨︎ report
Heard about the Texan with memory loss?

He ALAMO'st forgot.

πŸ‘︎ 7
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πŸ‘€︎ u/PlankenSonja
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2020
🚨︎ report
Loss
πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/extrastent1al
πŸ“…︎ Dec 21 2019
🚨︎ report
My daughter asked me for a recommendation for a good book. I told her I had the perfect book in my collection for her to read. It has drama, romance, betrayal, excitement, action, love, loss, heroes, villians, mystery and puzzles. Pretty much everything really. Excitedly she asked me for it.

I handed her the dictionary.

πŸ‘︎ 474
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jan 16 2019
🚨︎ report
I am at a loss of words
πŸ‘︎ 19
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πŸ‘€︎ u/fecal-butter
πŸ“…︎ Apr 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I'm thinking of writing a weight loss book

Mostly because it would apply to a wide audience.

πŸ‘︎ 15
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πŸ‘€︎ u/ForcastProperly
πŸ“…︎ Sep 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I tried explaining to my girlfriend what the effects of network packet loss were.

But I just couldn't get the message across.

Edit: I wish I knew more about networking so I could understand all these jokes.

πŸ‘︎ 2k
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πŸ‘€︎ u/Offilious
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2016
🚨︎ report
I keep telling this girl who works on a farm to get over the loss of her favorite cow.

But she couldn't put it pasture.

πŸ‘︎ 6
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πŸ‘€︎ u/AnimuTrappu
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2019
🚨︎ report
Whatβ€˜s the first stage of grief and loss in Egypt?

The Nile.

πŸ‘︎ 8
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πŸ‘€︎ u/stgm_at
πŸ“…︎ Aug 20 2019
🚨︎ report
I was recently told that I have short term memory loss.

Oh and by the way, did I mention that I also have short term memory loss?

πŸ‘︎ 5
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πŸ‘€︎ u/crackypwns
πŸ“…︎ Apr 18 2019
🚨︎ report
weight loss
πŸ‘︎ 20
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πŸ‘€︎ u/gavinefb
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2018
🚨︎ report
Does anyone have any weight loss mantras?

Fat chants!

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MsTBlueBFF
πŸ“…︎ May 30 2019
🚨︎ report
I have short-term memory loss.

I forgot the punchline.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KingofYears
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I came up with a joke about memory loss

But I can't remember it

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/PdawgUltimate
πŸ“…︎ Jul 07 2019
🚨︎ report
What did the football coach say to the game developer when they loss?

Ubisoft

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Tribulock
πŸ“…︎ Apr 08 2019
🚨︎ report
Someone should make a weight-loss book for incels

Called own the lbs

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/EzlotheMinish
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the loss of nemo the fish?

It’s o-fish-al

πŸ‘︎ 2
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πŸ‘€︎ u/BernieIV
πŸ“…︎ May 31 2019
🚨︎ report
Amazing new weight loss technique?

So I saw this crazy salesman trying to convince every passer-by that you can lose weight just by repeating a special series of weight loss mantras every day.

"Fat chance!" I called out, rolling my eyes.

"EXACTLY!!!" he replied.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/td941
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2019
🚨︎ report
To the person who stole my weight loss pills........

You'll have nothing to gain.

πŸ‘︎ 36
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Godzilla_KOM
πŸ“…︎ Aug 29 2018
🚨︎ report
My father suffers from short term memory loss.

I hope it doesn't run in the family, as my dad has it.

πŸ‘︎ 25
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jun 25 2018
🚨︎ report
After my memory loss, I couldn't remember the other word for 'couch'.

I've been having a hard time recalling it sofa.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/sodomicity
πŸ“…︎ Jan 19 2019
🚨︎ report
Came out backwords / at a loss for words / just one big bowl of soup / proper punctuation: the colon / man,ure on a roll / just stirring the pot / poo-lease stop / can't. IOU potty humor / Y you say that? / It's fun, butt OK - mind my P's and Q's - I'll put lid on it
πŸ‘︎ 58
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πŸ‘€︎ u/barwhack
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2017
🚨︎ report
Nectarines are peaches without fuzz. Alopecia is hair loss. So...

Are Nectarines Alo-peaches?

πŸ‘︎ 107
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ilikegar
πŸ“…︎ Oct 26 2016
🚨︎ report
Don't even mention the loss of newspaper subscriptions to me

It's tearable news

πŸ‘︎ 13
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πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Nov 25 2018
🚨︎ report
I hear Tom Brady is very deflated after his loss.
πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CollapsibleEra
πŸ“…︎ Feb 05 2018
🚨︎ report
Loss of a loved one

I hope this is the right sub.... I'll never forget the day we lost my grandmother. It was a deeply difficult time. But it turns out she had just slipped between the couch cushions.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/likeCircle
πŸ“…︎ Sep 27 2018
🚨︎ report
Horses don’t really care about hair loss.

It’s not a mane problem for them.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/rhymeswithbacons
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2018
🚨︎ report
You wanna know what the best thing about short term memory loss is?

I forgot

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/The-bee-movie
πŸ“…︎ Sep 03 2018
🚨︎ report
I asked my dad are you still mourning the loss of mum.

He replied no, now I'm afternooning her loss.

πŸ‘︎ 64
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/unit1601
πŸ“…︎ Jul 24 2017
🚨︎ report
Hearing loss isn't the end of the world...

but a string of words in sign-language is a deaf sentence.

Edit: please don't thank me, just pay it forward.

πŸ‘︎ 50
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/someauthor
πŸ“…︎ Nov 17 2017
🚨︎ report
Rabbit season must be stressful. I hear it causes hare loss.
πŸ‘︎ 7
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/KelvinShadewing
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2017
🚨︎ report
What do you call the gradual decline to eventual loss of living tree wives who you marry with the purpose of showing them off ?

Ent-trophy.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/WheresTheWombo
πŸ“…︎ Dec 04 2016
🚨︎ report
I bought a book about hair loss today because I've been feeling a bit self conscious lately...

...all the pages fell out...

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Jan 06 2018
🚨︎ report
I'm on a weight loss plan where I eat nothing but food coloring.

It's a dyet.

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Scarlet_Spectre
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2015
🚨︎ report
My weight loss resolution has me really waisting away.
πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MoreCowbells
πŸ“…︎ Jan 03 2017
🚨︎ report
I was going to make a joke about memory loss.

But I forgot it.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Zorn07
πŸ“…︎ Sep 24 2018
🚨︎ report
I was about to make a joke about my short term memory loss

But then I forgot what it was.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/tr1pped0ut
πŸ“…︎ Feb 24 2019
🚨︎ report

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