Quasimodo is suing Notre Dame Cathedral for the damage to his back from all the Bell-ringing.

I think he might be getting a big lump sum.

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/cotswoldboy
πŸ“…︎ Nov 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Mate of mine used a modified Fatman in a New Vegas inspired talbetop-RPG. We both found the damage calculation of the lingering damage the GM thought of quite punny:

"Type: Radioactive Fallout, 7d6"

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RoughShadow
πŸ“…︎ Sep 21 2019
🚨︎ report
A church recently sustained a lot of damage, and had to hire a contractor in order to replace all of it's bells which were destroyed. After completing the work, all of the contractors were promptly arrested.

They were charged with re-belling.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/linknt01
πŸ“…︎ Aug 21 2019
🚨︎ report
If you watch Bohemian Rhapsody too many times, it might cause damage to your nervous system.

Because of the unusually high Mercury content.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Feb 20 2019
🚨︎ report
The lights on my roof damaged Santa's sleigh last night. I was really worried he'd demand I pay for the damages.

But I don't owe anything; it was on the house.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Maimonides_vii
πŸ“…︎ Dec 25 2018
🚨︎ report
I tried cleaning the house, ended up with a bunch of salt water damage.

Thats the last time I use Tide

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/robertdowneysoft
πŸ“…︎ Aug 02 2018
🚨︎ report
My friend's son was talking about how it was bullshit that you took fall damage in games.

I agreed with him that it was totally unreasonable. It should be spring damage.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Calthropstu
πŸ“…︎ Apr 04 2018
🚨︎ report
A great name for an auto body repair shop that specializes in fixing hail damage would be "The Dentist"
πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dataxpress
πŸ“…︎ Jul 21 2015
🚨︎ report
Did you know if you punch someone with a lighter clench in your fist you will do less damage to the other person.

Because it is a lighter punch.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Spartan17492
πŸ“…︎ Dec 02 2016
🚨︎ report
Hurricane damage report from my dad

http://imgur.com/hTIWTOD

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/swac
πŸ“…︎ Oct 10 2016
🚨︎ report
TIL damage to the V1 area of the brain can cause a condition called "blindsight".

But damage to the V8 can make you a vegetable.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mechaxis
πŸ“…︎ Sep 25 2014
🚨︎ report
The roads were so rough, it damaged my laptop.

It was a hard drive.

πŸ‘︎ 126
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 04
🚨︎ report
I went back to that shop that sells new but damaged goods...

...yeah, I went back for seconds.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NZOC
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19
🚨︎ report
My son asked me today what do you call a damaged horse house?

Unstable.

Fair play have to hand it to him.. he got me.

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Coolkirky
πŸ“…︎ Jul 05
🚨︎ report
Our grocery delivery driver told us one of the milk cartons got damaged and leaked into the bag.

My 15yr old son picked up the first bag, which had a long vegetable sticking out and said "I've found the leek, dad."

Proud dad moment.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 13
🚨︎ report
I got my wife a copy of the Pixar movie Up when it came out a long time ago, but she dropped it while opening it. She dropped it so many times over the years that the box is very damaged and the disc is no longer playable. Her other movies are perfectly fine, but not this one.

She did not hold Up well.

πŸ‘︎ 310
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mortalfloater
πŸ“…︎ Jan 14
🚨︎ report
I showed the damaged remains of my luggage to a lawyer, and asked him whether I can sue the airline.

He said, β€œYou don’t have much of a case.”

πŸ‘︎ 191
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Dec 20 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?

You use a pumpkin patch.

πŸ‘︎ 691
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
A small meteorite is reportedly headed for Legoland

The damage is expected to be 50 square blocks.

πŸ‘︎ 11k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ May 05
🚨︎ report
Doctor: β€œYou’ve damaged several muscles including your calf and your quad.”

Patient: β€œIs that true, or are you just pulling my leg?”

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Nitroade24h
πŸ“…︎ Feb 03
🚨︎ report
I broke my hand last week, at the hospital thinking it was permanently damaged, I asked the Doctor if I’d be able to play guitar. He replied β€œYes, after you’ve taken time to heal”

I was ecstatic, I’ve always wanted to know how to play.

πŸ‘︎ 35
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Reptarticle
πŸ“…︎ Jan 01
🚨︎ report
My kid damaged my iphone so I am giving it away

He is 3 years old, blue eyes, blonde hair...

πŸ‘︎ 80
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bot_10
πŸ“…︎ Oct 22 2019
🚨︎ report
I tripped over a box of Kleenex when coming home, needing an ER visit!

Don't worry--it's only tissue damage...

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14
🚨︎ report
Was out driving. Hit a streetlamp.

Only had light damage.

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mundane_days
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19
🚨︎ report
[Meta] The real purpose of dad jokes

Back in the before times, when sit-down restaurants existed, I used to order boneless cheese sticks and would just throw the word "boneless" in front of any appetizer with 100% corniness. The purpose of this isn't to make a good joke. It's not a good joke. The purpose is to make my dining companions catch some cringe splash damage and want to crawl into a hole and die out of embarrassment for my being horribly corny.

But there is a real, deeper purpose that I've discovered entirely by accident. People, especially young people, are so self-conscious and worried about saying or doing something embarrassing that it taints a lot of social gatherings. They go to a restaurant and are afraid to speak up even when their order is blatantly wrong. They'll tip well even when the food took an hour to arrive and the server has disappeared into the corn stalks behind a baseball field. It takes 2 hours of hanging out together before some friends finally stop nitpicking themselves, uncomfortable in t

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 140
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Permatato
πŸ“…︎ May 18
🚨︎ report
The doctor told me my voice box is damaged and i might never speak again.

I can't tell you how upset i am

πŸ‘︎ 23
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HungryPizzax
πŸ“…︎ Aug 14 2019
🚨︎ report
My kid damaged my new IPhone 11 so I’m giving it away.

He is 3 years old, blonde, and has black eyes.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/letsgomina
πŸ“…︎ Oct 29 2019
🚨︎ report
TIL there was a cow caught in the crossfire of one of the WWII battles.

It’s rarely mentioned by historians though because it was only considered cow-lateral damage.

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/I-Fucked-YourMom
πŸ“…︎ Jul 02
🚨︎ report
I took the damaged remains of my luggage to a lawyer and said, β€œI want to sue the airline!”

The lawyer said, β€œYou don’t seem to have too much of a case.”

πŸ‘︎ 85
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Oct 16 2018
🚨︎ report
Spent all day rinsing several palates of damaged Coca-Cola cans at the food bank today. The stuff at the bottom was ... gross. At home mom asked what we did.

We sorted sorta sordid sodas.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/welloveramillion
πŸ“…︎ Jun 23 2019
🚨︎ report
My son asked me if my hearing is damaged from years of playing in bands.

Deafinitely

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MexElf
πŸ“…︎ Jun 07 2019
🚨︎ report
I showed my lawyer the damaged remains of my bag and asked him whether I can sue the airline.

He said, β€œYou don’t seem to have much of a case.”

πŸ‘︎ 97
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Jan 25 2019
🚨︎ report
I got in trouble at work for damaging an executive's Microsoft tablet.

I defended myself saying "I've barely scratched the Surface"

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/RutabagaJoe
πŸ“…︎ Sep 01 2018
🚨︎ report
Idk if it's been here before
πŸ‘︎ 4k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/hados1109
πŸ“…︎ Jun 06 2019
🚨︎ report
My car got keyed

The good news is that the damage looks to b minor.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Conviction666
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23
🚨︎ report
Vandals damaged a lot of plants at the local garden center with herbicide...

Police are trying to Roundup the suspects.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thomasbrakeline
πŸ“…︎ Mar 17 2019
🚨︎ report
A man who lived by the sea grew a cucumber so large he was able to turn it into his house.

One day a storm flooded the area with seawater and damaged his home... now he's in a pickle.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MANTRA2018
πŸ“…︎ Apr 02
🚨︎ report
The airline damaged my guitar because I bought a cheap gig bag

It was a worst case scenario

πŸ‘︎ 106
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MuttonChopViking
πŸ“…︎ Apr 29 2018
🚨︎ report
They left a key-note :')
πŸ‘︎ 3k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jyotiiiii
πŸ“…︎ Apr 20 2019
🚨︎ report
Wife and I are at my son’s yellow belt ceremony and we see that the grand master’s name is Soon Man Lee, I chuckle she doesnt get why. I look her dead in the eyes, he’s not manly yet, but he will be soon. Now she thinks I’m damaged in some way.
πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2018
🚨︎ report
The doctor told me that my voice box is damaged and I might not speak again for a while.

I can’t tell you how much this upsets me.

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2018
🚨︎ report
How do you fix a damaged jack o lantern?

With a pumpkin patch!

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/ngathin1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 01 2018
🚨︎ report
The doctor told me my vocal chords were damaged

I was speechless

πŸ‘︎ 30
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mineclash92
πŸ“…︎ Mar 03 2018
🚨︎ report
My friend keeps breaking into ikea and damaging their furniture. I think he may be suicidal

He's been really into shelf-harming

πŸ‘︎ 79
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/D4nkM3m3L0rd
πŸ“…︎ Jun 02 2017
🚨︎ report
I saw a job listing for pilots who specialize in damaged aircraft, but

It sounded really hard to land

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/smolqueerpunk
πŸ“…︎ May 23 2018
🚨︎ report
A sore neck was the inspiration for my wife and I to make up this joke together...

A man was telling his friend that his neck was sore. His friend asked him, β€œwhat happened”? The man said that varmints had been tearing up his yard and that he had been spending hours digging through the dirt trying to repair the damage. His friend says, β€œgo for massage and that should take care of the problem”.

A couple of days pass and the two meet up again. The friend asked the man, β€œhow did it go?” The man says, β€œwell, I have to tell you, they are hard to catch, but once you get ahold of them and get started, those gophers sure seem to like their massage”.

πŸ‘︎ 9
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/jdinmd
πŸ“…︎ Feb 28
🚨︎ report
I'm furious that all these replacement parts I bought for my water bottle only damaged it more.

This was the last straw that broke the CamelBak.

πŸ‘︎ 11
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/I_will_regreddit
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2017
🚨︎ report
The doctor told me my voice box is damaged and I may never speak again...

I can’t tell you how upset I am...

πŸ‘︎ 24
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/madazzahatter
πŸ“…︎ Sep 04 2017
🚨︎ report
A Ramen Noodle truck overturned on the freeway today, spilling all its contents out onto the road...

Damages are estimated at $4.81 !

πŸ‘︎ 16
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Talon184
πŸ“…︎ Nov 21 2019
🚨︎ report
one time i stabbed someone with a sharpie

the damage was permanent

πŸ‘︎ 70
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/iisowo
πŸ“…︎ Jul 18 2019
🚨︎ report
I thought I broke my leg when I tripped over a box of Kleenex last night

But the doctor said it's only tissue damage.

πŸ‘︎ 18
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/babblingbrooks1
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
Got a new phone, and I went straight to my lawyer's office.

He's helping me build a case to avoid damages.

πŸ‘︎ 38
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/metroidfan220
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I thought I broke my ankle when I tripped on the tissue box

Turns out it was only tissue damage

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/eternalrefuge86
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
BREAKING NEWS: There was an explosion at the Charmin toilet paper plant in Baltimore, Maryland.

Im told no one was killed.....but many suffered from soft tissue damage.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Jeepguy797
πŸ“…︎ Aug 13 2019
🚨︎ report
Buddy Doesn't Know How to Park

So this is a true story.

I work a retail job. My friend neglected to properly put his Mustang in park in his space. It moved backwards across the lot and in to a customer's Jeep Grand Cherokee. Luckily for him, the damage was not serious.

Unlucky for him, all of my coworkers (and a few customers) proceeded to mercilessly roast him on the showroom floor.

Looking to me to defend him, he asked, "why don't you back me up?"

I said: "Back up seems to be the last thing you need, I'd just learn to roll with it, you might say I'm pretty neutral..."

πŸ‘︎ 4
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/allnerdsbewareme
πŸ“…︎ Jun 17 2019
🚨︎ report
A fan of U2 is claiming that his hearing was damaged at one of the band's recent concerts.

The fan is planning to sue, and U2 is looking for a pro Bono attorney.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/HAL9000000
πŸ“…︎ May 12 2014
🚨︎ report
The bread factory caught fire

When asked about how bad the damage was, the CEO said, β€œPut it this way, all our food is toast.”

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Skiftonoid
πŸ“…︎ Jun 21 2019
🚨︎ report
The airline destroyed my luggage

I wanted to sue them so I showed the damaged luggage to my lawyer.

He told me I didn't have much of a case.

πŸ‘︎ 6
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Aaroneus89
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
🚨︎ report
LORENA BOBBITT'S SISTER ARRESTED

API - Clearwater Florida - Lorena Bobbitt's sister Luella was arrested yesterday for an alleged attempt to perform the same act on her husband as her famous sister had done several years ago. Sources reveal the sister was not as accurate as Lorena. She allegedly missed the target and stabbed her husband in the upper thigh causing severe muscle and tendon damage. The husband is reported to be in serious, but stable condition. Luella has been charged with one count of a misdewiener.

πŸ‘︎ 49
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/CrabbieMike
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2018
🚨︎ report
Dad joke gold
πŸ‘︎ 2k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/stoney35
πŸ“…︎ Nov 18 2013
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the pear that fell off of the tree and fell to its death?

The damage was irreparable

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/marcuccione
πŸ“…︎ Jan 21 2019
🚨︎ report
My car got keyed last night.

Good news is the damage looks to B Minor.

πŸ‘︎ 12
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/buckeyespud
πŸ“…︎ Aug 24 2018
🚨︎ report
Time out

My neighbor's basketball hoop fell on my head and he refuses to pay damages. Guess I'll have to take him to court.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/wmyspr
πŸ“…︎ Feb 12 2019
🚨︎ report
A story from starbucks

I used to work at a starbucks with my best bud to earn some extra cash after school. Every day an hour or so before closing without fail this older indian man would come in and order two large coffees.

We started to talk with the guy since there weren't many other people in the shop and he told us is name was Haind Sahit and that he was a night worker which is why he drank the coffee. After a while, we would just have the coffee ready for him as soon as he came in the door.

One evening my friend went out back to pick some supplies for refill and had to get something from the top shelf, being a short guy he grabbed an old ladder and started climbing but one of the steps broke and he fell and hit his head pretty hard.

He was rushed to the hospital and woke up a couple days later with no major damages but with a light case of amnesia.

Once he got back on his legs he started working at the starbucks again and as soon as Haind heard, he came back to see how my friend was and stepped

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NuvyHotnogger
πŸ“…︎ Mar 01 2019
🚨︎ report
My dad dadjoked my four year daughter at the beach yesterday.

Went to the beach with my family and brought my parents. My wife was making everyone sandwiches when my four year old daughter became impatient and started whining that she wanted her sandwich next.

My dad picked up a handful of sand and slowly poured it out of his hand while saying "What is the matter? Look at all the sand which is here!"

πŸ‘︎ 1k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/robinson217
πŸ“…︎ Jul 27 2014
🚨︎ report
A semi filled with ramen jackknifed on the highway destroying all the contents.

Damage was estimated at nearly $14.

πŸ‘︎ 10
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/seattledandy
πŸ“…︎ Jul 28 2018
🚨︎ report
Yesterday my car was keyed

The good news is the damage seems to b minor

https://imgur.com/a/3BlOI7w

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/d2_ricci
πŸ“…︎ Sep 14 2018
🚨︎ report
Keep away from the letters SOGOD...

They're damaged goods.

πŸ‘︎ 26
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/BeardFM
πŸ“…︎ Apr 17 2017
🚨︎ report
A man is driving along a back road at night

His car crashes into a tree, and he escapes unhurt though his car is badly damaged. However, he needs to find somewhere to stay overnight. The man wanders alnog the road until he comes across a monastery. He knocks on the door, and a friendly monk answers.

Man: I've crashed my car and need a place to stay tonight, might I have one of your rooms?

Monk: of course, come right this way.

The monk shows the man to a room, and the man goes to sleep. At midnight, the man is awoken by a loud thumping on the ceiling. He thinks nothing of it and goes to bed, sleeping soundly the rest of the night.

The next day at breakfast he asks one of the monks about the thumping. The monk replies,"sorry, I can't tell you you aren't a monk". The man figures that that's a pretty fair response, and goes to try and fix his car.

After working on the car all day, the man returns to the monastery and asks to stay another night. The monks of course oblige, and the man goes back to the same room. This night, he

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Clutchdanger11
πŸ“…︎ Apr 26 2018
🚨︎ report
The Pundits - Part 1

A quaint little men's class,

a few with class,

some smelling of a gin glass,

some with eyes of a lass,

the remainder eyeing a lad,

but all glad,

and all present,

youngster of the present,

bearders of the crescent,

readers new testaments,

preachers of old testaments,

bearers of saffron tenets,

wearers of white tints,

weird lovers of croissant,

well, all here, will all hear?

we never know,

lets look at the show

 

The English teacher, said,

"how to drink a juice?"

i know, said bart the bartender,

"with vodka and chicken tender"

the weirded beardo now angry,

showed he was a shouter,

wanted to be a bart-ender,

while shushing the crowd,

use a pipe, piped up a voice, loud,

"huh" exclaimed preacher pastor,

"no smoking" he said, showing a guilty fluster ,

"no sir" said the voice,

I'm extra maker,

spoke the voice quicker,

Mr.White scratching head,

"I'm an ex-straw maker",

the air cleared.

 

Proceeding further, Teacher continued,

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/themadraspaiyan
πŸ“…︎ Jan 30 2018
🚨︎ report
I need a pun for my science fair project from this

I'm doing a project that involves testing uv(a) rays on inside/outside cheek bacteria to see how much damage uv rays do. Thanks!

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/readditoveragain
πŸ“…︎ Jan 07 2017
🚨︎ report
The bull and the hurricane

There was a bad hurricane coming and the farmer gathered all the cows to put in the barn. The young bull refused to go, and the farmer was forced to leave him in the field. The hurricane came and the bull just leaned into the wind and weaved around. The storm mercifully let up after some damage to the barn and other buildings. The cows were very concerned for the young bull and ran out to the field to check on him. One of the older cows asked the young bull why he stayed outside in the storm weaving etc? "We bulls wobble, but we don't fall down" was the reply.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MilPens
πŸ“…︎ Jul 03 2017
🚨︎ report
My coworker dropped some kale

There was some kaleateral damage

πŸ‘︎ 8
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Something_Syck
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2016
🚨︎ report
Is Michael Giacchino the greatest Star Trek Dad Joker in the world?

He must have it in his Genes.

But seriously check out his Star Trek track listings. The guy loves a good pun.

Star Trek

  1. Star Trek

  2. Nailin' The Kelvin

  3. Labor Of Love

  4. Hella Bar Talk

  5. Enterprising Young Men

  6. Nero Sighted

  7. Nice To Meld You

  8. Run And Shoot Offense

  9. Does It Still McFly?

  10. Nero Death Experience

  11. Nero Fiddles, Narada Burns

  12. Back From Black

  13. That New Car Smell

  14. To Boldly Go

  15. End Credits

Star Trek Into Darkness

  1. Logos / Pranking The Natives

  2. Spock Drops, Kirk Jumps

  3. Sub Prime Directive

  4. London Calling

  5. Meld-Merized

  6. The Kronos Wartet

  7. Brigadoom

  8. Ship To Ship

  9. Earthbound And Down

  10. Warp Core Values

  11. Buying The Space Farm

  12. The San Fran Hustle

  13. Kirk Enterprises

  14. Star Trek Main Theme

Star Trek Beyond

  1. Logo and Prosper

  2. Thank Your Lucky Star Date

  3. Night on the Yorktown

  4. The Dance of the Nebula

  5. A Swarm Reception

  6. Hitting the Saucer a Little Hard

  7. Jaylah Damage

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/thegeneral400
πŸ“…︎ Jan 26 2018
🚨︎ report
Did you hear about the fire at the orphanage this weekend?

The damage was not a parent.

πŸ‘︎ 5
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/dimer0
πŸ“…︎ Oct 09 2017
🚨︎ report
My grandpa's favorite joke this time of year

I used to know a guy who absolutely loved hollandaise sauce. He would buy the spiciest brand he could find and would put it on just about everything. Well it turned out that because he used the spicy sauce so much, it started to wear down a hole on the roof of his mouth. He went to a doctor and asked what he could do about it. The doctor looks at the damage and determines that the man will need a metal plate placed at the roof of his mouth. The man is relieved but can't help asking the doctor if he will still be able to enjoy his hollandaise sauce. The doctor reassures the man that his new plate will be made of chrome. The man was curious, so he asked if chrome was the best choice. The doctor responded with "Oh don't worry, there's no plate like chrome for the hollandaise."

πŸ‘︎ 108
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/MAJpeppers13
πŸ“…︎ Dec 19 2013
🚨︎ report
The Cheerio Joke

Oh boy do I have a joke for you kids! Its called the cheerio joke.


So there is this land called cheerio land and in cheerio land there are 7 classes of cheerio, 0-5 and the frosted cheerios. Now there is this level 0 cheerio. Hes homeless, living out on the street, probaly an alchoholic. But he falls in love with a frosted cheerio princess. So one day he sneaks into the royal gala and goes up to the princess and asks her "will you marry me?" Now she says "I like your style, youre a good looking guy, a bit scruffy but I like you. Tell you what I will marry you if you can become a frosted cheerio" So our guy goes back with a determination and gets a job and starts to pay off his debts. Now by having a job and his debts paid he becomes a level 1 cheerio. So he works, and he works, and he works, and he WORKS and he finally becomes a level 2 cheerio. Now he goes back to the princess and askes her again, "will

... keep reading on reddit ➑

πŸ‘︎ 20
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/t17389z
πŸ“…︎ Oct 17 2013
🚨︎ report
How I learned my business law professor is a dad on the last day of class

In my business law class we were discussing this court case. In the case, a woman named Courtney was hitting off the tee box at a country club and sliced the shot off the course. The ball hit a guy who was working on a nearby roof, and gave him permanent brain damage. Our professor then asked us who we thought was responsible for the damages: the golf course, the course designer, or the woman. A student in the back asks "Well what if Courtney was drunk while she was playing" to which our professor responded

"Well then we would just have a classic case of drinking... and driving."

I'm still not sure which was louder, my friend and I bursting out laughing or the collective groan that filled the room.

πŸ‘︎ 61
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bip213
πŸ“…︎ Apr 23 2015
🚨︎ report
Dadjoked playing Magic: The Gathering

"So I'll attack with these two guys."

"Okay. I'll take five."

"That's fine, but when you come back we need to figure out how much damage this is."

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/bandswithgoats
πŸ“…︎ Sep 23 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad just got me at the Chinese place we're at.

I pulled my chopsticks out of the paper sleeve they come in, and one of them was broken at the tip.

Me: "Damn. One of my chopsticks is messed up."

Dad: "They may be damaged, but they'll do in a pinch!"

I facepalmed as he started cracking up.

πŸ‘︎ 100
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/snacksbuddy
πŸ“…︎ Dec 13 2014
🚨︎ report
My dad's favorite story.

My Dad tells this story all the time. He goes into great detail about what we bought at the mall and what the pig looked like, just to make it more believable. It usually takes a good 20 minutes to tell the story, it's nearly impossible to keep a straight face.

Did I ever tell you about the time we hit a pig on the highway? We were driving home from the mall and all of a sudden, BAM, we hit a pig. We didn't know what to do. The car wasn't damaged and we couldn't see what happened to the pig, so we just drove home. That night, we get a phone call and it's the police. "Sir, were you driving on I85 this afternoon", the police officer says. "Yes, I was officer" "Did you know it's against the law to leave the scene after running over a farm animal? That will be a $500 fine", says the officer. "No sir I didn't know it was against the law. But I've got to ask, how did you know it was me that ran over the pig?" The police officer responds, "The pig squealed"

πŸ‘︎ 46
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Groccolli
πŸ“…︎ Nov 28 2013
🚨︎ report
I showed my damaged luggage to a lawyer, and said, β€œI want to sue the airline!”

The lawyer said, β€œYou don’t have much of a case.”

πŸ‘︎ 10k
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/porichoygupto
πŸ“…︎ May 17 2019
🚨︎ report
I showed the damaged remains of my luggage to a lawyer, and asked him whether I can sue the airline.

He said you don’t have much of a case.

πŸ‘︎ 41
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/mark30322
πŸ“…︎ Dec 22 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?

You use a pumpkin patch.

πŸ‘︎ 66
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?

You use a pumpkin patch.

πŸ‘︎ 15
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 05 2019
🚨︎ report
How do you fix a damaged jack-o-lantern?

You use a pumpkin patch.

πŸ‘︎ 3
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/notdadbot
πŸ“…︎ Nov 02 2019
🚨︎ report
I showed my damaged luggage to a lawyer, and said, β€œI want to sue the airline!”

The lawyer said, β€œYou don’t have much of a case.”

πŸ‘︎ 17
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/Quint_Cordewener
πŸ“…︎ Jun 19 2019
🚨︎ report
I went back to that shop that sells damaged new goods...

...I went back for seconds.

πŸ‘︎ 2
πŸ’¬︎
πŸ‘€︎ u/NZOC
πŸ“…︎ Jul 19 2019
🚨︎ report

Please note that this site uses cookies to personalise content and adverts, to provide social media features, and to analyse web traffic. Click here for more information.