Internet dating is weird...

I saw a palm tree on a dating site. "Not looking for anything serious. Just FRONDS with benefits..."

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📅︎ Jun 23 2017
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Where oranges come from

me: These oranges don't have seeds, wonder how they reproduce.

wife: Well, when one orange likes another orange they go on a date.

me: Wait, what does a palm tree have to do with oranges?

She looked at me blankly for about 5 seconds, then shook her head.

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👤︎ u/Face_Plont
📅︎ Feb 25 2015
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Dad almost got away with it...

My mom asks my dad if she could have a date with some cool-whip (dates as in the fruit thingy, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Date_palm)

But before he could make it back she yells, "AND DON'T COME BACK WITH JUST THE COOL-WHIP SAYING YOU'RE MY DATE!"

He thought he was so smooth lol

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👤︎ u/Picklelol
📅︎ Nov 29 2013
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My girlfriend got me good tonight

On our way back from the store, talking about how expensive it is to go out on real 'dates' (been together for a year or so)

>Her: We can come up with plenty of free-ways to have fun

>Me: Mhmm--

>Her: I mean, I-71 and I-75 are great, but we can think of more.

She stared at me for about 10 seconds, grinning until I realized what she was talking about.

My face never palmed so hard as she giggled mercilessly.

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📅︎ Nov 15 2014
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